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Chapter Thirty Nine - October 22 - Orlando, FL - Hard Rock Live

After four and a half months of wedding bliss, Molly was waiting in the wings as I took the stage with the guys for the very last date of the Going Strong tour. It had been an absolute whirlwind...in more ways than one.

I couldn't wait to go home. Ally had finally said dada and I wanted to continue her speech therapy. I had a dream of finally getting too-smart Shelby into school...and also legally adopt her.

Then there was the little thought in the back of my mind of perhaps adding another little one to the mix.

Her's, mine, and ours.

"How we doing tonight Orlando?" Nick screamed. The crowd went nuts.

"It's been a crazy year and a half," I yelled. "But we're proud to end this amazing tour right here in Orlando."

"We hope that you'll be stickin' around for some new music and another tour," Howie said.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we ARE the Backstreet Boys," Brian said.

"And this is for you," Kevin added.

It was amazing to have the lights shine down on us and know that after twenty years we were still together and making people happy. We didn't pull any pranks on each other. I think all of us just wanted to relish in the moment.

When we took our final bows, I think it hit all of us. I caught Nick's eye. He grinned.

"I might be bias, but I think that was your best concert," Molly said. Shelby nodded. She was dressed as Dracula. She even had little blood trails running from her mouth.

"THAT WAS SPEC-TACULAR, VA-HA-HA!"

"Are you guys ready to go home?"

Shelby looked surprised.

"For ever?"

I laughed. "Well, for awhile. The tour's over."

"But...when will I see Mason? And Brooke? And...and...everybody?"

I smiled. "Don't worry, I will make sure that we visit everyone."

That seemed to satisfy her.

The next day Brian, Leighanne, Kayleigh and Baylee took off for Atlanta. Nick headed back home with his crew. Howie and Leigh took their kids to L.A. Then there was Kevin and Addy. They were heading home to Kentucky. I promised Shelby we'd go to the airport with them.

"Here, this is for you, Mason."

Shelby held out her pirate patch. Mason took it and put it on.

"I don't got nuttin' for you."

They stood there. Finally Mason just hugged her tightly.

"I can't breath air through my nosey-trolls!"

I laughed. Addy smiled.

"You guys are going to have your hands full with two boys," I said. Kevin glanced at Addy and grinned.

"That's alright with me. I'll leave the Backstreet girls to the rest of you guys."

I laughed. "You have a safe flight okay?"

Kev nodded. "Will do. Mason and I might even pop down here for a playdate before the baby's born."

"Shel would love that."

Before they boarded, Shelby ran up and hugged Mason one more time. She took my hand as they disappeared. She sighed. I felt bad for her. She had just lost her best friend.

"You want to go to Chuck E. Cheese before we go home?"

Her face lit up.

"You READ my mind, dad!"

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October 31

It was Halloween. While Molly was busy getting the kids dressed for a fun afternoon and evening, I decided that it was time for me to do something I had put off for a long time.

I entered the 'man cave' that I had converted into a bedroom for Rochelle. Her bag from the hospital was still in the corner. I had hired some movers to disassemble the bed a week ago and had emptied the closets and donated much of the clothing to Goodwill. The only thing that was left was to empty the bag. I hadn't wanted to do it for so long.

But it was time.

I locked the door behind me and sat down on the wooden floor. I opened the back and closed my eyes.

It still smelled like her.

I began to pull out the articles of clothing. Black headbands, black socks with skulleez. It was all a part of who she was and who were were together.

I laid out the articles of clothing. I decided to save a few things for Ally to have. She would probably be curious about her mom's sense of style.

I was about ready to pack everything back up and store it up in the attic for that day years from now when I felt something crinkle in an inner department. I found the zipper and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

My heart stopped when I saw my name scrawled in her familar handwriting. I opened it up and began to read, my heart pounding.

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To my monkee skulleez Alex,

We've been through a lot these past few months and for awhile I didn't think that I could ever love you again. You became a different person than the man I fell in love with. But I know now that he was just hiding in a deeper part of yourself.

I pray that you never have to read this letter. I hope that I can go home and everything will be fine. But just in case...

Your life has been defined by the Twelve Steps you've taken to work through your addictions. If for some reason I am not able to help you raise our beautiful babies, I want you to remember these twelve simple things:

1. Be true to yourself. Never compromise your standards for anyone.
2. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. Don't try to pull the shades on those windows, babe. You just might miss someone who wants to peek in.
3. Never give up on music. It's the best way to share your joy and pain with the world.
4. Everyone makes mistakes; pick yourself up and keep going.
5. Acknowledge your weaknesses and push beyond them.
6. Remember that laughter makes the world go round.
7. Count your blessings, not your troubles.
8. Never take life too seriously.
9. Whining doesn't make things better.
10. Keep an open mind; you never know what you might learn.
11. It's okay to move on. Just make sure she's 'mommy material.'
12. And last but not least...Alex, I want nothing more than for our babies and you to be happy. I know it's silly, but I always thought that if I died and came back, I'd want to be a raven. If you ever see one, know it's me, smiling down at you.

I will love you...always and forever.

Your monkee, Ro


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I don't know how long I sat there reading and rereading her beautiful handwriting. I thought about the times I had seen the raven and how I had somehow known it had been her. She had been there all along.

I knew that, as Ally and Joe got older, I would share the secret of the raven with them. They would have their own link to their mom. And one day I would show them her note and tell them all about the wonderful, creative lady that had brought them into this world.

But for now, I would take Shelby and the twins trick-or-treating, hold Molly's hand as we walked along, and enjoy the new life that I had been given...

A life I would never take for granted.