Rewind
Chapter 1 - Not Such a Happy Birthday
28th January 2020
“Happy Birthday to me” Nick muttered to himself as he raised his whiskey glass in the lonely bar. He looked around and saw the usual clientele, mainly bar bums; he supposed he could class himself as one of them too.
Gone were the expensive clothes, these days he didn’t care about his appearance much, not that he was all that vain back in the old days, but now he would just pull on whatever looked clean. Gone were the cars, the houses, the money, the fame and everything he valued in his life, including his family. Where had it all gone wrong? He thought back to that fateful night eighteen months ago when his wife and kids left.
“I can’t do this anymore Nick, I’m sick of your false promises and the lies, I’m leaving” she said
“Mandy, baby, you can’t go. I need you, I…I love you” Nick replied
“Need the bottle and my paycheck you mean! I’ve had it up to here” she held her hand to her head and then sighed, worn down by years of living like this.
“I can give it all up, I can change, honestly I can” he pleaded and hoped she’d take pity on him.
“No Nick, you’ve been saying that for years, you lay off the booze and pills for a couple of weeks and then binge for days…weeks even. It’s not just that though Nick, it’s everything else. You treat me like a skivvy, you never do anything with the kids, how many times have you even read them a bedtime story eh?” she said, her hands flying about in anger “and I’ve lost count of the times you’ve cheated on me. I’ve wasted so much of my life on you, I loved you once upon a time, but now…I don’t know how I feel about you, but one thing for sure, we’re finished. I can’t live like this a moment longer and I don’t want our children growing up like this”
“But I love you Mandy, I‘m sorry for everything” Nick said, tears beginning to roll down his face
“You don’t love me. How can you love me and put me through the hell you have done? No, it’s too late, my mind’s made up” she said and pulled out a suitcase and began throwing clothes into it.
“It’s two in the morning, come on, think about this, where you gonna go?” he asked
“My parents” she answered and carried on filling the case, then went into the children’s room and packed what little they had into cases. She loaded the battered old car then went back inside to wake the kids, carefully carrying the youngest, Bethany, in her arms and strapping her in to her car seat.
“Goodbye Nick, I’ll be in touch” she said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and then she was gone.
So here he was, on his fortieth birthday, all alone, no friends, no family, and no nothing. He’d driven everyone away one by one over the years. He sat there in his tatty whiskey stained t-shirt and worn jeans, contemplating life, wondering what the point of it all was. Would anyone miss him if he just vanished off the face of the earth? He doubted it, he was insignificant. His life wasn’t meant to turn out this way, but fate had had other ideas.
“Another” he called to the bartender when he’d drained his glass.
“You got money for this Carter?” the bartender queried, having been caught out previously.
“Sure I have” Nick replied and emptied his pockets.
He downed a few more whiskies and then staggered home, the night was bitterly cold but he hadn’t bothered with a jacket.
“Hey, didn‘t you used to be Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys” called someone from across the street. Nick looked over to where a small group of teens were congregated opposite him.
“No, not me. I’m a nobody” he replied, his speech slightly slurred. He hated being recognised.
“It is you! My Mom used to love you, that is, before you turned into a drunken, drugged up asshole and left the band”. She laughed and then the group carried on walking, kicking an empty beer can along the road as they did so.
It was the story of Nick’s life, people still recognised him as the asshole who broke up the Backstreet Boys. He’d learned to deal with it over the years, but he wondered why people couldn’t just leave him alone, it was old news.
He arrived back to the now unkempt trailer which had been home for the last couple of years. No wonder she left, this place is a friggin shit tip and I’m a fucking mess. He swung the door open and stepped inside, the smell of stale cigarettes and alcohol wafting up his nostrils. He looked in the fridge for something to eat, spying a microwave burger; he opened it up and shoved it on full power for two minutes, leaving the empty wrapper on the kitchen work top along with the rest of the rubbish. I really should tidy this place. When the microwave pinged, he opened the door and got his burger out, then reached into the fridge for a beer and slumped on the sofa.
What an uneventful birthday this had turned out to be. He thought back to a happier birthday, a birthday he’d been sober for, before he’d driven them all away.
“Make a wish Daddy, you have to, it’s your birthday” said Jacob
“Hmm, and what shall I wish for this year? I know, a lottery win” said Nick, grinning at his children.
“You can’t tell or it won’t come true, silly Daddy” Adam corrected.
Nick closed his eyes and thought about his children, sometimes he missed them so much, and Mandy, he missed her too, but she was right, she was better off without him, he was a loser. It had been hard finding out that she was seeing someone else now, but it had been bound to happen sooner or later, she was still an attractive woman. She was also free to do whatever she pleased now, no longer married to the man who’d dragged her down for years.
He lit a match and closed his eyes then inhaled a deep breath - yeah right, as if this shit actually works - and blew the match out. Nick took a long drink from his beer and smoked a stray joint he’d found under the table as he surveyed his surroundings. How had it come to this? Where did it all go wrong? It hadn’t just happened over night, it had been a gradual process, probably starting with the departure of Kevin from the group back in 2006, not that his leaving was the cause of all of Nick’s problems, but it hadn’t helped.
“Why can’t I just rewind” he said and walked into his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed and into a deep alcohol induced sleep.
