Chapter 13 - Unbreakable
Nick stayed at Kevin’s for a couple of weeks, during which time, they helped each other out. Nick helped Kevin decide that he actually didn’t want to leave the band, he could follow his solo pursuits and still be a Backstreet Boy too.
“OK little bro, you’ve talked me into it and don’t let me regret it” Kevin jokingly threatened.
“Trust me, you won’t” Nick replied smugly.
Kevin helped Nick more than Nick could ever say. He’d kept him sane, kept him from harming himself and made him feel wanted, instead of the useless waste of space he’d thought he was. Kevin was more of a brother than any of his real family. Where were they when he needed them? The truth was, he couldn’t count on any of them. They were leeches as far as he was concerned, only wanting him for what he could do for them, with no thought for anything other than themselves. Who needed that!
He also did a lot of thinking about the future, he didn’t like to think too much about it, but sometimes he just couldn’t help himself.
What did it hold for him now?
He was excited about the new possibilities it held, but also a little sad. He loved his kids, and he missed them, even though he hadn’t exactly been around for them when they‘d needed him. But it didn’t change the fact that he really had loved them, and Mandy. He’d loved her too…once upon a time. What would become of Mandy in this new alternate future? Would she find someone who’d treat her better than he had? Nick hoped so.
Would he find love now that he had the chance to live his life over again? Nick wasn’t sure, but marriage was not something which was on his radar, he’d been there and done that in his previous life. He’d been a failure as a husband and father, just like his own parents had been to him.
Would he have more children? He really didn’t think so, even if he did find ‘the one’. How could he ever put the memory of the family he left behind out of his mind? He couldn’t forget the past. The longer he was here though, the clear images he’d had of his children’s faces began to fade gradually from his mind. It upset him to think that he’d never see them again. He didn’t even have a photo to carry around with him. When he’d been transported back through time, nothing had travelled with him.
But what else could he do? He hadn’t asked to come back in time, he’d had no choice in the matter. He just had to plod along through life one day at a time.
“What’s on your mind?” Kevin asked, noticing the pained look on Nick’s face.
“Just thinking of the future, that’s all” Nick sighed.
“Well, I think you can do whatever you put your mind to. Remember that Nick” Kev said, placing his hand on Nick’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze.
“Thanks” Nick said. He couldn’t mope about thinking about things that had never happened in this lifetime. He had to try and get on with his new life the best he could. What is meant to be will be, he told himself.
With his new positive outlook on life, Nick moved out of Kevin’s house and found himself a little place to rent not too far away. It wasn’t quite as far away as he’d like to have moved (given the chance, Nick would‘ve liked to leave California), but it was a step in the right direction in terms of the band. He needed to be within commuting distance of Los Angeles for recording, and the less stress in his life, the better.
At least he was a good distance away from his old haunts and his so-called friends.
During this time, the Backstreet Boys held a series of meetings to decide what the next plan of action was going to be. Was there to be another CD? If so, what kind of sound were they going for? There was a lot to talk over, but everyone was keen to begin recording again, so that was one good thing. They’d all had a nice long break (although Nick had spent his in rehab), spent time with their families and friends, and were now ready to get down to one of the things they loved the most - making music.
Nick was doing well in his recovery and hadn’t slipped up once, although there had been times when he’d felt weak, he hadn’t given in. Instead, he’d channelled all his frustrations into exercise, the results of which amazed everyone. He was in the best physical shape of his life, he looked like a new man and this gave him more confidence too. Not that he’d been extremely overweight or anything before, but he hadn’t been this toned in his life. Against the other guys he used to feel a bit inadequate in the body department, they were all in pretty good shape and looked good without a shirt on, whereas Nick had got it into his head that his body should be covered up. Of course it wasn’t the case, millions of girls all over the world loved him no matter what, but he couldn’t see that. Now his new confidence and view of life was having a positive effect on everyone. It was no wonder Kevin had decided to stay, with such optimism within the band, how could he not want to be a part of it!
Nick knew that good things were coming their way. Backstreet was most definitely back!