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Chapter One Hundred-Three
Point of View: Kayla


AJ and I walked to the cafeteria around 4 for a late lunch/dinner while Zoe took a nap. We were going down the hall when his hand brushed mine and I pulled my wrist to my chest and stared at my hand, rubbing the skin as though it had been burned. He glanced at me, but didn't say anything.

I wondered if he was feeling as confused as I was.

Listening to AJ talk about his dad had made me feel... I don't know what, but something stirred in my guts hearing the story. I mean I knew it already, every one who even slightly liked the BSB knew the general gist of the story, but hearing it in AJ's own words...

When we got into the elevator, I looked at him. He was leaning against the far wall, his arms crossed, looking at his black-painted fingernails like one might look at an interesting piece of artwork. He looked up as the elevator dinged as its doors closed.

"I fucking hate elevators," he commented.

"I do, too," I said, "I'd rather take stairs."

"My knees are crap," he said with a shrug, "I throw them out all the damn time dancing cos I busted one once..." AJ watched the numbers over the door light up and blink off as we passed the floors. "I was in one that malfunctioned once," he commented.

"Really?"

AJ nodded. "Yeah, me, Nick and some random guy that looks like the skinny punk guy in Dumb & Dumber - the one on the phone that gets punched? You know the one I mean?"

I nodded.

"Anyways, we're on the elevator and I dunno what the fuck happened but it suddenly went mental. It goes flying upward about five floors, then drops down really fast about fifteen, and up again three or four, then down, and up, and down... And Nick and I were like staring at each other, and the other guy's screaming his balls off, and Nick says to me, in the most casual voice I ever heard him say anything, 'We're gonna die right now, huh?' I mean, it was like he was fuckin' asking if it was raining out, thats the tone he said it in. And I'm like 'yeah probably.'"

I could picture Nick doing that.

"So finally the elevator stops," AJ continued, "And amazingly we're all okay. So we stumble out into the lobby and the other guy's like -- he literally drops to the floor. I mean I'm sure he shit himself, there's no way he didn't. So Nick and I are just stoic as fuck, and Brian's like running over and he goes, 'What happened?' and I go, 'Oh the elevator's busted kind of' and Nick, who's been silent since asking me if we're gonna die, suddenly yells 'LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!' at the top of his lungs."

I cracked up. That I could definitely, definitely picture Nick doing. I grinned, "That's so funny," I said.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened and AJ and I poured out into a deserted hallway. AJ smiled back, "Yeah it was bizarre as hell. It kind of ruins elevators, though. I've always wanted to have sex on one and now I'm too damn scared of them to get it up."

I felt my cheeks flush. "Sex on an elevator?" I asked.

AJ laughed. "I've done it weirder places."

"Like where?" I asked.

AJ's grin widened. "KMart?"

"You had sex in K-Mart?" I asked, "Like in the bathroom or something?"

"Men's clothing rack."

I blinked. "What?"

AJ laughed. "You know how when you're little you could hide in the middle of the rounders?"

"You're shitting me."

AJ shook his head. "It was great until we remembered she was a screamer."

"She screamed? While you were having sex in K-Mart?"

"They asked me not to shop there anymore," he said, winking.

"Oh my God," I choked out as I cracked up laughing. I'd been thinking of exotic places being stuff like, you know, the shower... Not freaking K-Mart.

AJ laughed, "So see? Elevator - tame. Yes?"

"Compared to K-Mart."

"Where's the weirdest place you've done it?" he asked.

I turned red.

"What're you all blushy for? Dude, it's just me, you can tell me. We're friends now, right?" he asked.

"It's not that," I said, hesitating.

"What then?" he asked.

"I've never done it," I said, quickly, the words overlapping, "Like at all, "I added.

AJ stared at me.

It was an unusually long pause and I started feeling uncomfortable. "Say something," I pleaded. "Please."

"Damn," AJ muttered.

"Something else?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"It's lame, huh? Being my age and still a virgin?"

AJ shrugged again. "I dunno. It's kinda cool. Whoever you do it with is gonna be special to you always, you get to pick the right guy. You know? That's cool."

I stared at him.

"I mean in some ways I think those people that like save it for marriage are cool, I mean they get to share it with that one person exclusively." AJ smirked, "But damn do they miss out on some fun shit that way, too..." he paused. "That sounded bad, huh?"

"You're a guy, you think with your penis, I know," I laughed.

AJ grinned. "I mean, I'll be honest with ya, I fucking love sex." He laughed, "But there's a difference between sex and making love, and I think..." he paused. "I dunno, I'm kind of a romantic at heart - you'd never guess it looking at me, I know, but - I think your first time should be making love - not having sex. Most people blow it away at 14 or 16 or something and think they've experienced it. But its just this dirty, awkward... thing... that they do, and there's nothing to it except the act. Y'know?"

I bit my lip. I was thinking about the day that Nick was arrested. The day I threw myself on him and started ripping his clothes off like we were animals. I thought about how gently he'd stopped me and told me he wanted it to be special with me.

"That makes sense," I said to AJ.

AJ nodded. "So no, long story short, it's not lame. You're lucky. You get to make an adult choice about it." He looked me up and down, then turned away. "Just make sure you really think about it before you do it."

"Oh, trust me, I have definitely thought about it," I answered quickly. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I felt my neck, face, forehead, scalp...actually, I think every part of my whole damn body toes to nose to fingertips...turn scarlet red.

AJ laughed, "Wet dreams about Nicky C, huh?" he teased.

I sped up walking and got past him and practically dove into the cafeteria. I grabbed a plastic tray off the pile. AJ came in behind me and grabbed a tray too. He nudged me. "Trade trays?" he asked. Mine was blue, his was pink. I shoved it to him and he slid his in front of me. "Thanks." He paused. "Sorry," he said after a moment of us standing in the line to move forward.

"For what?"

"Teasing you," he said, his voice sincere.

I glanced at him. "It's fine."

"I really do think it's cool, I'm not just shitting you," he said.

"Okay."

I collected my food, AJ following me. It was a really pathetic looking meat and noodle casserole substance with rice and a banana. AJ raised his eyebrow, "Carbs and potassium. Interesting."

"They're keeping the business up, I guess," I said.

AJ laughed. "I've always been baffled by the shit they serve in these places for that very reason. It's like seeing doctors smoking. Like seriously? What the fuck?"

I laughed, "Like I said; job security. In this economy, you never know."

"I'll smoke for you if you smoke for me, we can cure each other's emphysema," he joked. "How awesome are we."

"You're so fucked up," I laughed.

AJ grinned.

We paid for our food and sat down and AJ leaned back in his chair and kinda half poked at the food on his tray. He looked like he was thinking about saying something, but held his tongue. I watched the tattoos on his hand flex around the fork he was holding as he shoveled the casserole slop into his mouth. He looked up at me and our eyes met for a minute.

His eyes were deep, deep brown, and resonated with an unspoken pain that cut right to his soul. The complexity and depth of them took my breath away. I hadn't expected to see it.

He blinked and looked away, breaking my transfixion. I turned away, too, and a feeling of guilt began to burn somewhere in the pit of my stomach... What was I thinking?