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Chapter One Hundred-Eighty-Seven
Point of View: Nick


Dirk seemed satisfied with himself as he lowered into the chair next to mine. I watched as Amelia slunk off the witness stand to go sit beside Mrs. Armaletto. She glared at Dirk the entire way until she'd primly seated herself and crossed her arms over her chest. Peggy Armaletto seemed stone-faced and almost afraid.

I was so confused.

Everything in my life seemed to be spinning around and around me like a tornado's vortex, unstoppable and completely beyond my control. Everybody had some crazy ass connection with somebody else - even Kayla and Zoe. I was like the eye in the center of the storm of madness...

Dirk reached over. "You holding up there, tiger?" he asked. The sentence came out so natural, it didn't sound condescending or anything. I just shrugged in response. "It's gonna be okay," he said, "You just got some serious notches on your post," he added, nodding his head towards the jury, whose expressions - to me, anyways - were unreadable.

"You know what I want more than anything else in the entire world right now?" I asked quietly.

"What?" he asked.

"I wanna go home."

Dirk patted my knee. "I know."

"Do I even have a home to go to?" I asked.

Dirk sighed, but he didn't answer.

Walters, meanwhile, had gotten up and called his next witness. When he'd finished, he let Dirk go and Dirk cross-examined, and I sat back in my chair and stared at the grain of the wood on the desk top, my mind trickling over a million and one things.

When Dirk had rested his case, Judge Heath announced, "This court will recess for one hour, the reconvene after lunch."

"Recess?" I asked, looking at Dirk. "Like in kindergarten?"

Dirk sighed. "It means like a break from the proceedings," he explained, his voice like rapid-fire. He paused. "Nick, I need to know right now," he said lowly, "How much of Amelia's bull was true?"

I stared at him. "I never hurt her purposely," I replied levelly.

"Good enough." Dirk stood up and slammed his briefcase shut.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I have an hour to find Leon," he replied, and with that, he turned and shot out of the courtroom like a mad man.

I sat stupidly.

"Nick!" Brian's voice was in my ear. I turned and he smiled brightly. "Hey buddy," he said. Just looking at Brian helped.

Then Kayla came running up beside him, her arms flung out and tears in her eyes. We leaned into each other across the little waist-high separation and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "Oh God Nick," she whispered, kissing my jawbone gently, her hands on my neck felt so soft and warm and wonderful. I practically melted into her. I could've stood like that with her forever...

But suddenly, there was a tapping on my shoulder, and I turned around. The officer that had led me into the room now stared at me meaningfully. "I gotta go, guys," I whispered. My mouth pecked at Kayla's before she drew completely away and those tears started falling. I looked at Brian, "Thanks," I said, and then I looked at Kayla, "I love you."

"Come on," the officer took hold of my elbow.

"Bye guys," I said, and the officer led me out of the courtroom and down a hallway to a small cell, where he apologized as he locked the door and pulled it shut behind him. Inside, there wasn't much except a wooden bench.

I lowered myself onto it and rubbed the back of my head.

I had my eyes closed, my mind spinning through the facts I knew, trying to weave them together with the questions I had, when I heard a familiar voice.

"Nick?"

I looked up. Across the hall, being led into another cell, was the scrawny, boyish figure of my friend, Eric. I stood up from the bench and moved to the bars on the door of my cell and pressed my face between them. "Eric?" I called, "Hey, what're you doing here?"

"Court..." he answered briefly. He smiled sadly, "I heard you were gonna be down here today for your date... I was hoping I'd maybe run into you."

The officer handling Eric shoved him roughly into the cell across the hall and locked the door, grumbling under his breath. I overheard more than one slur against Eric's orientation before the guy slunk away.

"How's your trial going?" Eric asked.

"Okay, I guess," I answered, "I dunno, I don't really understand it all."

Eric nodded slowly. "Nick, you're gonna be good," he said. He smiled, "You deserve the best, buddy."

I smiled back, "Thanks, Eric." I paused, "How's yours going?"

Eric shook his head. "It doesn't matter..."

"What's it for? Weren't you already.. convicted.. before?" I asked, trying to clarify.

"They want to extend my time," he admitted, "For hurting whathisname..."

"But he's fine, isn't he?" I asked, confused, trying to remember what I'd heard, what I'd figured out.

Eric shook his head.

"You were defending yourself," I whispered.

"I was defending you," Eric admitted. He looked up with watery eyes, and something deep, deep, deep inside me lurched. "Nick, I-"

"Don't," I pleaded quietly.

He stared at me. "But I need to tell you."

"But I'm not going to feel the same," I answered, "And it's going to break your heart, and I don't wanna do that to you."

Eric's eyes turned even sadder than before. "I don't care," he answered after a long pause, "Nick, I love you."

I closed my eyes, letting the words crash on me. They were exactly what I thought they were going to be, and it made it only that much harder to hear. I didn't have any words to say to respond, so I didn't.

After a long bout of silence, Eric said, "I've loved you since the first time I saw you..." he wasn't looking at me now, he was studying his hands it seemed. "More than ten years ago, at a concert... during your Millennium Tour..."

Eric was a fan?

"You were nothing but an ant on the stage to me, but I could see your hair - that gorgeous hair of yours - and your voice... and... I came out to my family because of you, because I couldn't hide how much you meant to me..." Eric's voice was low and quiet. "My father almost shot me. He was a hunter, you know, and he's very, very conservative, so when he heard... he didn't want me anywhere near him anymore. I was dead to him..."

I swallowed, my throat throbbing.

"That's how I ended up here..."

"Because of me?"

"No. Because I fell in love with a man who treated me like I was his son, who loved me - in every way - and who I desired almost -- almost -- as much as I do you." Eric sighed, "I killed for him, and now, well, I've killed for you." His eyes met mine. "But you didn't get hurt. They didn't get you."

I gnawed on my lip.

"You're safe, you're okay, that's what matters. And someday maybe I'll get out of here and --" he laughed, "No, you're not like me."

I looked at my feet.

"But a guy can dream."

"Yeah," I nodded.

Eric's smile was sad again. "Will you visit me when you get out?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered solemnly. "I will."

Eric smiled. "Thank you, Nick."

The sound of my officer clearing his throat caught both our attentions, and I peeked over to see him there, ready to bring me back to the courtroom. He opened up my cell and Eric held out his hand. I reached over and shook it. "Good luck, Nick," he said.

"You too, Eric," I answered.

Eric nodded, "Yeah. Bye, Nick."

"Bye..."

The officer led me back into the courtroom. Dirk was sitting at the table... grinning like a cheshire cat.

"What?" I asked as the officer guided me to my chair.

Dirk held up a sheet of paper. "You're as good as free, Nick."