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Chapter One Hundred-Ninety-Two
Point of View: Nick


At 9:24, I was led into the courtroom. Dirk was waiting at the desk, his briefcase in front of him, his hands clasped in his lap, staring at them, studying them it seemed. He was gnawing his lips, his eyes unfocused.

I'm sure mine were similarly unfocused. I felt dazed. I'd stayed up all night thinking about Krystal and the memories we'd had together. I hadn't been able to fall asleep, everything had melted through my mind and I'd been incapable of relaxation. It'd flooded me. Now, between the memories, the lack of sleep, the stress, and the pure fear that had filled me up for the past several weeks, I was exhausted and every bone in my body ached.

I just wanted it to be over.

I lowered into the seat beside him. "Hey," I whispered.

Dirk looked over at me. I hadn't had time to put on my suit this time. I was in the state-issued scrubs and my hair was more or less flat. He swallowed and sighed and looked forward again.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Leon got away again," he muttered.

I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't. Honestly, I was too worked up already to feel afraid, too burnt out to care. If I stayed in jail it wouldn't be a problem anyways.

"All rise," came the call as Judge Heath entered the room. She climbed into her stand, her uniform flowing around her like the cloaks of the teachers at Hogwarts and lowered herself down with her gavel. I stared up at her.

"Jury, have you reached a verdict for us today?" Judge Heath asked, immediately guiding her attention to the twelve people sitting to my right. My eyes followed hers. They were an unlikely bunch, and they glanced among each other until finally, an elderly gentleman stood up and cleared his throat.

"Yes, your honor. The charges held against Nickolas Gene Carter for the murder of Krystal Armaletto have been presented to us, the jury, and we have come to a verdict."

My stomach rolled somewhere inside of me. They'd decided. They'd made up their minds about me, about the rest of my life. I tried to stay strong, but I was tired and I was scared and my nerves were shaking inside my body, my blood pumping through my veins at high speed.

"Please read the verdict," Judge Heath requested.

Dirk reached under the table and patted my leg. I could hear Brian mumbling prayers behind me, and Kayla draw in a large breath.

A million things went through my head. Things I'd never do if I were found guilty. Things like go to the beach or get married or have kids or see them grow up. Things like singing on stage for the fans or traveling to Japan with the fellas. Holding Kayla in bed, going to a record store and finding rare LPs for cheap. Helping little old ladies reach items on the top shelf in Wal-Mart. Driving the coast with the stereo blasting, taking the boat out into the golden-yellow horizon during sunset...

...Seeing Krystal again.

But then again, I wouldn't do that even if I was found innocent.

"We, the jury, in the State of California versus Nickolas Gene Carter, find the defendant..." he drew a breath. My eyes read his lips more than my ears heard the words. "...innocent of all charges."

"YES THANK YOU LORD!!!" Brian's voice was the first burst in the noise that erupted from behind me. Noise just poured forward. Zoe's sobs, Kayla's scream, Kevin's "yes!" Howie's excited squeaks, AJ's "fuck yeah, fuck yeah!" exclamations, Leslie's squeals... Dirk's chair scraped the floor as he leaped to his feet and pumped the air. He grabbed my my shoulder, but I couldn't rip my eyes away from that guy's mouth, the mouth that had spilled out the words.

Innocent of all charges.

"Nick! You won! You fucking won!" Dirk shouted, shaking my arm.

Tears sprang to my eyes as images of my time in the jails flooded my mind. Leon and Tattoo and Scar and the bars and the bed and the dank walls and the small window and the drawings I'd made and the smell of vomit in the rest room and the gunshot and those state issued scrubs like I had on now... all of it ran through my mind like a great big crazy blur.

"Oh God, Nick, you're comin' home!" Brian was wailing right behind me, his voice excitedly pitched. He grabbed at my shoulders, too, and I could feel him bouncing - literally.

"Oh Nick I'm so happy for you," Leighanne's voice danced alongside Brian's.

Home.

I stood up, relief and excitement washing over me. "Shit," I gasped, my throat closing up. I turned around to look at my friends. "Am I dreaming?" I asked them.

Brian was grinning. He shook his head, "Oh Nick."

An officer came over and undid my handcuffs. Kayla literally launched herself over the little separation thing into my arms, her arms around my neck. She hugged me and I leaned into her, desperate for her touch. And, with my first moment of absolute freedom in months, I spread my arms out wide and wrapped them around Kayla.