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Chapter Twenty-Four
Point of View: Kevin

I had expected the call from Oak Groves. I knew of course that Nick was there, and it wasn't that big of a leap to guess that he'd be mentioning my departure from the band and that would, of course, bring up the night I left the band.

What I did not expect was that the other three Backstreet Boys would be there as well. It was like AJ's rehab session all over again. And I didn’t particularly want the story shared with all of them.

Brian and AJ were sitting on the sofa, goofing off and yanking a magazine back and forth between them, when I walked in. When they heard the door close behind me, they both looked up and stopped what they were doing. Howie was serenely seated in a chair texting his wife.

"Hey Cuz," Brian greeted me, smiling up at me in that way that makes his nostrils get bigger. The same one that he used to flash when he was little and about to do something bratty.

"I didn't expect it to be all of us," I said, sitting down in a free chair. "That's surprising."

Brian nodded, "They made me come in by myself yesterday," he said, "But we mostly just visited. Today they want us all."

AJ, suddenly solemn, said, "This is like deja'vu for me. It smells the same as the one I was at did." He took a deep breath. "Jesus I don't miss that scent."

Howie closed his phone and pocketed it. "Do any of you have any idea if we're like in trouble here or something? Are we about to be blamed for this?"

I took a deep breath. "I have a feeling I may be a little bit of a target," I admitted.

Brian glanced my way, "Honestly? I have the same feeling."

I got the feeling Brian didn’t have a feeling so much as an inside scoop.

"Why you, Kev?" AJ asked, looking confused.

"Nick blames himself for Kevin leaving the band," Brian said before I could respond. I was thankful because I wasn't sure I wanted to recall the story multiple times in one hour and I was sure Nick would be asked to recount it when he got in the room.....


-June, 2006-

I could hear him fumbling with his keycard in the hallway. I reached over and turned off the light, sliding my book onto the table beside me. I waited, patiently, while he evidently dropped the keycard, swore, hit his head on the door, and finally got it opened. He stumbled into the room, tripped over God knows what, and banged into the wall. The door hit the wall, too. "Shit," he cracked up, "Shit..." his laughter started dying, and he closed the door slowly so it wouldn't click.

Because I if didn't hear it slamming, I would definitely hear it clicking, you fucking dildo. I shook my head.

The sound of exaggerated tiptoe steps came from around the corner and he moved slowly across the carpet. Once past the bedroom door, where he assumed I was asleep peacefully unaware of him, he reached for the lamp and turned it on.

"FUCKING A KEVIN!" he screamed, seeing me sitting there directly beside him. Nick had jumped about a mile into the air and almost fell backwards onto his ass. Honestly, it would've served him right if he had.

"Where the fuck were you?" I asked steadily.

"I went out, ok?" he was so trashed it was disgusting. I could smell the booze on his breath without even trying to lean in and the edges of his nostrils were all red from snorting God knows what. "I just went out to get a sandwich," he said.

This was the eighth night in a row. The eighth time I'd sat up in a row waiting to see that he was okay before going to bed. The eighth time he'd disappeared from an after party, drunk and high, not to be seen until the creeper hours of 3 or 4am.

I stood up in a quick movement and shoved him into the wall.

"What the FUCK?" he screamed, bouncing back off it.

"I waited too long with AJ, I'm not watching you shit your self down the drain like I did with him. I thought you would've remembered the anguish AJ went through but no. You never learn."

"I'm not like AJ," Nick shouted, "I'm just trying to have fun."

"By doing jello shots off a 17 year old girls' stomach?" I shouted, pissed.

He stared at me, his eyes unfocused and waved his hand, "Whatever you dunno how to party." He turned like he thought he was going to walk away, like he thought we were through.

"We are NOT done here," I yelled at him, shoving him back against the wall a second time. "I'm not letting you get to where AJ was Nick. I'll strap you and bring you to fucking rehab now myself if I have to."

"Don't fucking touch me," he growled lowly.

I stepped right up to him, my face a quarter of an inch from his, drawing my full height. I gave him the hardest glare I had ever given anyone. "Or what?" I hissed.

I could see he was torn by staring at his eyes. Part of him wanted to challenge me. Part of him wanted to see if he would win, if he was the alpha dog now.

I thought he would back down.

Which is why I was unable to stop him when he swung the punch, because I honestly hadn't expected to need to defend myself against him. He had never once not backed down when I did that to him, no matter how fucked up he was. But tonight... tonight he took me on.

I felt blood come out of my nose from the punch he landed on my face, and quickly threw my own, purposely putting it through the wall two inches to the side of his face, certain that would make him back down. Instead, he laughed, too drunk to realize I'd missed him so marginally on purpose and said, "Good aim," in an extremely mocking tone.

"You little prick," I hissed. "You wanna kill yourself? Do you want to die? Is that what you want? Huh?"

Nick's eyes were cold and he looked me right in mine. "It would be better than being here," he responded.

The sentence was so far out of Nick's typical personality type that I was momentarily dumbfounded. "Nick, are you suicidal?"

"No," he said, "I just would rather be dead than listening to you be a fucking bitch. You think you're all that, you think you're the king, the daddy. You're not! Nobody even likes you. You're just a fucking idiot, Kevin, and we'd be better off without you."

We stood, facing each other for a long moment, his words hanging in the air between us.

"If that's how you feel, then maybe I'll leave. Because I'd rather quit the band than watch you fucking waste your life." I stood up and went into my room and slammed the door.