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Journal - Week 3, Part 2


Journal Entry #17

seeing brian made me want to get outta here worse then ever. i hate it here and even though im talking about stuff i dont think its helping me any. nobody understands why im doing what im doing. including brian and dr haseltine. i am not what they think i am. im having a relatively easy time here compared to the others that i see. theres a girl who screams bloody murder all night because shes coming off X and cant handle not having it. i dont feel that way. i did the night my family came but thats what im saying. its not about the alcohol or the drugs. it never was. but seeing brian finally made me very happy. i thought he would never come visit me. it felt good just to be in the same room as him. i had so much i wanted to tell him about but dr haseltine wouldnt leave us alone for 5 seconds so i couldnt tell him. i'll have to wait and tell him when i get out of this place if i remember by then.


Journal Entry #18

kevin says the fight was not the reason he quit the band. i dont fully believe him. i do however believe that it was not the only reason he quit the band which is a sicnificent signifigent significant difference to what i believed this morning. talking about the fight with him and the other guys made me think how weird it is that we can say words and not be able to take them back and how much those words can hurt and stay with us years and years later. i would do anything to unsay that stuff to kevin because i always wondered and i always will wonder if we'd never exchanged those words would kevin have stayed in the band? if i had backed down from him that night would he have stayed? aj too said the same thing about exchanging harsh words with kevin. kevin didn't apologize for his part in either fight. with me or with aj. he didnt have to he did nothing wrong. aj's was good. it was part of what made him finally go get help. me... well mine had the opposite effect. i got worse. and here i am now. so yeah, words. they're weirdly powerful little sons a bitches, arent they?


Journal Entry #19

ill be free in 9 days. i realized that today and i got really excited because i really wanna go home. i miss my house and my stuff and my space. it was a okay experience here. kinda like being at a hotel too long though. the foods still gross. the guy next to me needs a shower by the way. i dunno his name but he really does. hes about 5'4 inches and hes drawing a horse in his journal. yeah tell that guy to take a shower mk?


Journal Entry #20

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

(here he's made a drawing of the goldfish in dr. haseltine's office)


Journal Entry #21

i was reprimanded for not putting substance in my journal entries again. dr haseltine was all pissed he says im "taking 2 steps back" which is ghetto. they said i could write whatever i want. how come this smelly ass putz next to me can draw fucking hroses and not get into trouble but i do? seriously someone please for the love of god tell this guy to shower. please. its disgusting. hows that for substance?