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Chapter Twenty-Five
Point of View: Narrator

"Do you mind telling me exactly what's going on?" Dr. Haseltine threw Nick's journal down onto the desk between them. Nick was staring at the wall, his leg up on the coffee table as usual, though the cast was off, and he was only wearing a brace there now. The scar on his temple was softening, too, and within a couple more weeks would probably be nearly impossible to see. Nick had been very lucky with healing after the accident. "Nick?"

"I don't know," he answered, not meeting Dr. Haseltine's eyes.

"Okay, if you won't tell me what's bothering you, I'll guess." He sat down. "You shut down the day after your friends were here. Something happened during the session that you don't want to think about and so instead of processing it and dealing with it you're shutting down again."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Why does everything have to do with me repressing and shutting down and not processing stuff? Why can't I just be in a bad mood or be homesick? Why do I have to be always doing something psychological?"

Dr. Haseltine answered, "Because that's not what you're doing."

"Don't you get it yet?" Nick snapped, "I'm not telling you everything because I don't want you to know everything. You're great but I don't think this is helping me. Not really."

"Okay," Dr. Haseltine said, taking Nick's outburst in stride. "Why don't you think it's helping you?"

Nick sighed, "I do all these stupid meetings and exercises and mind games and sessions and everything. Haven't you noticed I haven't had withdrawals?"

"You had the relapse last week," Dr. Haseltine reminded him.

"No, I had a meltdown because of my family. Doc, I haven't missed the alcohol or the drugs. Everyone else out there," he pointed at the door, "They all do. I don't. I'm not addicted to the alcohol or the drugs."

"But you are, Nick, you just don't realize it. You are in denial."

Nick rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. "I'm not."

"You're very angry lately, Nick," Dr. Haseltine observed.

Nick gritted his teeth and balled his fists and growled, "That's because nobody listens to me! If you people would just really listen when I talk maybe you wouldn't be so stupid about me."

"I am listening, Nick," Dr. Haseltine said, throwing his hands in front of him in frustration. "That's what I am here for, to listen to you and do what I can to help you, but I can't help you if you're expecting me to read your mind."

"I'm not asking you to read my mind!" Nick cried out, "Don't you hear the words I'm saying? It was never about the alcohol. It was always about escaping stuff I feel inside, from being overwhelmed. This whole last couple weeks were kinda pointless. I mean, sure, I got to talk about stuff but I didn't learn anything I didn't already know about."

Dr. Haseltine studied Nick for a long moment. "Okay, Nick. If talking about your past isn't helping, what will help you to keep you from returning to the drugs and alcohol when you leave here next week? What can I do in these last seven days we will spend together to assist you in remaining sober?"

"Coping mechanisms."

Dr. Haseltine was surprised by the speed of the response. Nick had obviously been thinking about his answer to this question for quite some time. "Coping mechanisms?" he repeated.

Nick nodded. "When I'm upset or I'm angry or I'm sad... that's when I want to drink. I don't care about it otherwise, other than in a normal social way... But it's the only way I know how to deal with things, to make them go away. If I knew other ways maybe I wouldn't be so quick to make the mistakes I've made."

"Okay," Dr. Haseltine said, "Coping mechanisms it is, then."

"Thank you," Nick said, finally meeting Dr. Haseltine's eyes.