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Chapter Eighty-One
Point of View: Zoe

I got home from work that night, too late to visit Nick, and found Kayla laying on the couch, watching an old Backstreet Boys DVD. Nick looked like a child in it. A very chubby child. "Oh my gosh," I said, stepping up behind the sofa and gawking at the version of Nick that graced our flatscreen. He was singing a song that Kayla had always described as her favorite of theirs, though I didn't remember the title, and clutching a microphone as though for dear life. "How old is this video?" I demanded.

"I dunno, like 1998 or so," Kayla replied, sounding tired.

"You okay honey?" I asked, looking down at her.

She had her hands on her abs and her head propped on a pillow. A plate with a sliced up grapefruit sat on the table, a couple pieces had been eaten but the majority of the fruit remained. "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just tired," she admitted.

"Long day?" I asked.

"Uh huh," she said. "I joined a gym."

"A gym?" I asked, laughing, "You joined a gym?"

Kayla laughed back. "Yeah, and those elliptical machine things? Holy shit." She reached down and rubbed her calves. "Do I ever feel that baby," she smiled.

"Just be careful you don't over do it," I said.

"I won't Zoe," she said. She rolled onto her side and curled her legs up to make room at the end of the sofa for me. "I can't believe how much weight he lost," she commented, staring up at Nick on the screen.

"Neither can I. He looks like a baby here," I said, shaking my head.

"I swooned for that baby," Kayla said, laughing. "I loved this part of the DVD. Especially this - this right here," she pointed.

On the screen, Nick swung the mic low, bending over it and held a long, seemingly endless note, then stood, and looked up into the air, a panicked, passionate expression on his face as his eyes searched the ceiling.

"I love this song," she added.

"I know you do," I said.

She smiled, "He made me sing the album version with him once, in his studio."

I raised my eyebrow, "Oh?"

Kayla bit her lips and nodded. "He said he liked it better than the original, he wanted to release it, but I wouldn't let him. I love that song way too much for my voice to ruin it like that."

I shook my head, "You lack confidence."

"No, I know I can sing," she argued, "I just think his vocals on that song were too ...perfect... to mar its memory with mine interrupting them."

"Oh well, girly," I sighed and stood up, rubbing my knees as I did and catching my crutches up. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"

"Uh huh," Kayla answered.

"Any left overs?"

I saw Kayla's eyes flit to the grapefruit.

"You ate three slices of grapefruit for supper?"

"No," she said, "I had some stuff. The grapefruit's just what's left."

"I'll pass," I said. I headed into the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. The entire bottom shelf was filled with boxes of SlimFast milkshake cans. I blinked down at them and picked one up and looked it over. I put it on the table and slammed the fridge. "Kayla?" I called, "Get in here."

Kayla inched into the kitchen slowly.

I pointed at the SlimFast can. "What is this?"

"SlimFast," Kayla answered.

"Okay smart ass," I snapped, "Why is it here?"

Kayla flushed. "Well," she said slowly, "I... I want to lose a little bit of weight."

I looked at her. Compared to me, she made a paperclip look thin. I wasn't fat by any means, but I'd gained my fair share of over-40-year-old-woman pooch. However, Kayla... Kayla had a better body than I'd ever had at any age. She had the coveted hour glass figure, the boobs, the hips, the neck.

"Why?" I demanded.

She shrugged, "I dunno, my sevens are a little tight, and I'd like to lose some weight I've put on." She paused. "I think I've been eating because of the stress with Nick being blamed and..." her eyes fell to the floor, "Leon." She'd whispered his name.

"You're beautiful the way you are," I said.

Kayla stared at her feet.

"You really are, honey," I said, "You're gorgeous..."

"No I'm not," she said, shaking her head vigorously. "But I do need to lose weight or my pants aren't going to fit."

I reached over and grabbed her by the waist of her jeans, my hand easily pulling them a ways away from her hip. "Really now."

"These are my nines," she said. She was lying.

"Kayla," I said, "Does this have anything to do with those slutty pictures of Krystal?" I asked point blank.

"No," she scowled, "Why would it?"

"You're jealous," I answered, "Over Nick."

"Why would I be jealous of Krystal."

"Because he made that remark about clothing..."

"That's bullshit." She pulled out of my grasp and I let her waistband go and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Krystal was just some slutty ex of his, that's all. He had to be on drugs to be with her, how pathetic."

I stared at her. Kayla was so full of crap.

"Listen to me," I said, carrying the can of Slimfast to the sink, popping the top and pouring it out.

"Aunt Zoe!" she yelled, "Stop it!" she grabbed at the can.

I swatted her hand away. "This shit has been recalled so many times, and so many people get addicted to it, not to mention what it does to your heart..." I stared at her, chucking the half emptied can into the bottom of the sink.

"Fine, I'll just use something else then," she said flippantly as I went for the fridge for the rest of the cans.

I stopped short. "What else did you buy?"

"Nothing!" she yelled, "Like I'd tell you right now anyways, you'd probably flush it."

"Drugs?" I demanded, "You bought diet pills?"

Kayla's jaw set.

"Give them. To me."

Kayla's face crumpled into an expression of disgust, "No," she said. "I'm a grown-up, stop acting like I'm being a bad ten year old."

"You are living under my roof," I started.

Kayla turned and walked out of the room.

"GET BACK IN HERE," I yelled, going after her. She was halfway up the stairs when I got to the bottom of them. "KAYLA," I bellowed.

Kayla stopped on the steps and turned around. "You are not my mother and I am not a child anymore," she said in a scathing tone. "I have grown up and I can see myself in a mirror. You do not need to protect me or lie about what I look like or bullshit me into thinking I'm pretty. I want to be something that Nick will want to sleep with. I want you to leave me alone and let me live my own fucking life."

Kayla had never dropped the f-bomb at me before.

"You're going to give yourself cancer," I bellowed, "But do whatever the fucking hell you want, you think you're so smart. Go to your room!"

"I'm taking a shower," she said and she turned and ran up the stairs.

I turned around and let out a frustrated yell into the air around me, balling my fists around my crutches and stamping my feet on the floor in anger. I heard the shower turn on upstairs.

I went back into the kitchen, intending to pour out the rest of the SlimFast cans, but saw Kayla's purse on the counter. I grabbed it and opened it. My hands rummaged around inside, pushing around her stuff, anger fueling me on. I found them. A bottle of diet pills, and nestled next to it a little pink wheel of birth control and a box of condoms. I pulled all three things out and threw them on the counter, watching the bottle roll around in a tight circle. I pulled out her car keys and tucked them into my pocket, then threw her purse back down on the table.

I opened the bottle of pills and poured the pills into the running garbage disposal.

I stared at the birth control wheel and condoms and shook my head.

"Oh baby girl," I muttered to the empty room, "You're scaring me." Upstairs, I heard the shower turn off and Kayla stomping around in the bathroom. I rubbed the back of my neck, my hand running over the condom box, the raised words ribbed for her pleasure and closed my eyes.

At last she's planning on being safe, I reminded myself, trying to make this better. And you knew they were planning on having sex eventually. You knew this already. Why is it shocking now?

Because she's doing it because of Leon, I realized. This all had nothing to do with Nick. It was the psychological repercussions of what Leon had done to her.

You know all too well how that works… Wanting to change everything about yourself… Feeling like no matter what you do isn’t good enough…

Upstairs Kayla’s door slammed.

I wanted to hug her.