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Chapter Ninety-One
Point of View: Nick


Kayla was on top of me, our clothes gone, her face euphoric. I couldn't hardly breathe as pleasure washed over me. Sweat dripped from our necks and foreheads and soaked my back. The passion was massive, intense, thick all around us. I ran my hands across her body, my palms massaging her breasts, my mouth tasting hers... She disengaged the kiss, her hand running the length of me... and murmured, "Mmm, AJ."

I sat up with such velocity that I almost fell off the sofa. The sunlight was pouring through the window. My heart was racing. I grabbed at the cushion and held it in my grip, hugging it tight to my chest.

"Everything fine?" asked the officer.

I nodded stupidly. "It was just a dream," I muttered.

But I started pacing, waiting, wishing AJ and Kayla would get back so I could breathe normally again.

I was near tears by 5:40 when a knock came at the door and Zoe entered a few moments later, carrying a folder, overflowing with papers. She smiled at me. "Hey sweetie pie," she said in a friendly tone when she saw me, "I had some homework to grade, so I figured I'd do it here and keep you and Kay-Kay company, rather than sitting up at the office...." She seemed to suddenly notice my face. "What's wrong? Where's Kayla?"

"With AJ," I muttered.

Zoe's smile melted and a scowl replaced it. "Why?"

"They're looking for Desi," I answered.

Zoe sighed.

I looked at her, and I could feel my eyes dampening. "I'm worried," I admitted.

"Like I told you this morning, Nick, Kayla loves you."

"But what if she likes AJ, too?" I asked, "AJ's... AJ's not stuck in a fucking house, AJ's hot being tried for murder. AJ's not a fucking idiot." I turned away from her as my voice broke.

"Please. You are not a fucking idiot," Zoe said in a mock annoyed tone, coming around to face me.

I shook my head, "I am so. This shit never should've happened. I shouldn't be in this position. This is all because I'm an idiot. I took drugs, I drank too much, I lost control. I drank and drove, I never learn. I go to rehab and I still can't stop myself and I kill my fucking girlfriend..."

"She killed herself, Nick," Zoe snapped.

"...and now I'm just stuck here. There's nothing I can do to change any of it, and there's nothing I can say that'll make it better. Nothing. All I can do is sit here with this fucking thing on my leg and wait to be thrown in jail so Leon can kill me and get it over with."

Zoe looked at her watch. "Okay," she said.

"What?"

"I'm making a note of the time because you've got exactly ten minutes left of this pity-party you're throwing before I slap you and tell you to wake up and get over it," she said. "First of all, even if AJ does steal Kayla away from you, it will not be the end of the world. I love Kayla to bits, but she is not the only woman out there that can make you happy. Second of all, AJ will not make it long with her because I will employ that shovel we talked about when you first started dating her, and his body will never be found, just so you have the heads up. Third, Nick you're acting like this case is a done deal, like it's already over and you're booked or something. The fact that they made the exception for you to be home tells me they know you're not a malicious murderer. They know, at the very least, that if you had killed her, it was an accident or else they never would've let you not be locked up behind bars. I mean that little ankle thingy's great and all, but let's face it, they don't put cold blooded killers in them."

I stared at her, unable to form words.

"Forth, Nick, you've got a team of unbelievable friends - even ones that you may be mad at or feeling jealous over right now - that are working their asses off to find a way to clear you. You may not believe it, but they all love you and they're trying really hard to help you."

"I know, but..."

"No buts," Zoe said. "You're loved. You are not going to jail, so this hopeless demeanor I'm hearing come out of you? That's bull shit, and it's going to stop right now." She sighed. "And you are not an idiot. You're a human being who has had a really tough life, made a few poor choices, and is suffering. There is nothing 'idiotic' about your situation. You're a good person who is in a bad circumstance."

"But--"

"I just said no buts."

I stared at Zoe.

"I mean it," she said, "Every word."

"Thanks Zoe," I whispered.