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Chapter Twenty Nine - May 13

"Happy Mother's Day!"

"MAAAMAAA!!!"

Liv looked around the kitchen in surprise.

"What's all this?"

I smiled and held up a spoon dripping in pancake batter. Brooke was sitting on the island eating a french toast stick I had microwaved to distract her from diving into the pancakes. Noah was in the baby sling slung around my chest, fast asleep.

"Brooke and Noah are helping me cook you breakfast."

"YUM!" Brooke said, waving her french toast in the air.

"That's incredibly sweet," Liv said with a smile. "And incredibly messy."

I'm not the neatest cook. As I moved over to the burner to check on the bacon, my bare feet crunched on the eggshells I had dropped on the floor.

"You just sit down. I'm cooking and cleaning today."

"Want me to take Noah?"

I shook my head and flipped the bacon. I went back and poured some batter onto the skiddle. A large plop of pancake batter landed on Noah's head. I quickly brushed it off with my thumb. He didn't wake up.

"Nope, I've got everything under control!"

Liv propped her chin in her hand and watched me. She looked amused.

As the pancakes started cooking I started some scrambled eggs. It was hard work timing everything. I'm not going to make it onto the Food Network anytime soon.

When everything was successfully cooking I scooped Brook up and put her in her highchair next to Liv. I scooped Noah up and handed him to Liv. Brooke banged her hands on the tray.

"JOO!!!" she yelled happily. Liv started to get up; I pushed her back down.

"I'm on it," I reminded her.

I was pouring glasses of juice for all of us when the fire alarm started going off. I turned to see some angry black smoke erupting from the bacon.

"SHIT!" I turned off the burner. In my rush to get the smoke to stop, I grabbed the pan with my bare hands and immediately flung it to the ground. As I did so, my elbow hit the skiddle and the pancakes went airborne. One stuck to my head; another stuck to the ceiling, and another landed on the floor. I stepped towards the sink, my foot landed on the pancake, and I was flat on my back. The smell of burnt eggs filled the room.

"Do you want help now?" Liv called out from the other side of the island. I closed my eyes. The dogs had smelled disaster looming and were currently eating the pancake off my head.

I had no choice. I had to admit defeat.

"Yes," I said with a sigh.

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"So the fast food ban is officially over?" Liv asked.

I took a big bite of my Egg McMuffin and nodded. I had forgotten how good it tasted. After I had won the bet with Kev, I had decided to just keep going...now I just wanted to open my mouth and have McDonald's bring me continuous McMuffins on a conveyor belt.

"So, this wasn't the breakfast I intended," I said after I had swallowed. I held up my bandaged hand. My left hand had gotten the brunt of the pan burn. Liv tossed back her head and laughed.

"It's perfect," she assured me. "A true Carter holiday."

Brooke was squishing little bites of pancake in her fingers and stuffing them in her mouth. She grabbed a piece and dropped it on the ground.

"SHEE!! SHEEEEEE!!" she yelled loudly. Liv looked like she was trying not to laugh.

"Is she trying to say what I think?" I asked. Liv looked at me.

"You should have seen her face when you dropped that pan and yelled," Liv explained. I smacked my forehead.

Nothing like a dad teaching his daughter the word 'shit' on Mother's Day. Brooke was looking at me for a response. I pointed to the pancakes.

"Pancakes," I explained. She picked up another piece and dropped it. I put my hand over her mouth and shook my head. Her eyes widened. I dropped my hand.

"SHEEEEEE!!!!!"

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After a quick visit to Liv's mom with some flowers for Mother's Day and a call to my mom (which I had to leave a message), we headed back home. Liv took Brooke out into the backyard to begin planting some flowers. Brooke entertained herself with a plastic shovel and a watering can. I brought Noah out in his stroller, shedded my shirt, and started to work on hooking up a hammock.

Ever since I was little, I had always wanted a hammock in the backyard. I pictured myself lounging on the hammock in the middle of summer with my sunglasses on and a light breeze blowing through my hair. Then I added Liv bringing me ice cold lemonade in some skimpy lingerie to the picture.

I worked a little faster.

"That's a caterpillar," I heard Liv explaining. I turned. Brooke was crouched down by Liv, her little face studying a leaf.

"It turns into a beautiful butterfly," Liv said. "The butterflies will come visit our flowers this summer."

I smiled. They made such a cute picture...mommy and daughter out in the yard. Liv turned and caught my eye. I blew her a kiss and she pretended to catch it in her mouth and roll it around with her tongue.

Holy crap.

With my mouth suddenly dry, I tossed down my hammer and headed inside for a glass of water. Liv laughed teasingly as I walked by her. She was laughing now, but I knew she wouldn't be laughing later tonight when it was just the two of us.

I was leaning against the sink downing some ice water when the phone rang. I answered assuming it was probably my mom returning my call.

It was Brian.

"Nick, it's Brian. Denise just called me."

"J's mom?"

"Yeah."

It wasn't like Brian to just rush into a conversation. I set down the glass and wiped my wet mouth with the back of my arm.

"What's going on?" I asked. I heard Brian take a deep breath. In the background I could hear the distinct sound of a woman crying...Leighanne.

"Ro died this morning."

"What?"

"It was a sudden cranial bleed. Delayed trauma from the first bleed. AJ had gone out to get her some flowers for Mother's Day and when he came home..."

My stomach clenched. I tried not to block it from my mind, but I couldn't help picture myself coming into the house with flowers and finding Liv. Dead. I shook my head quickly, placing my fingers hard to my temple.

"There wasn't anything the paramedics could do?" I asked.

"Denise said she was dead by the time they got there. It happened in a second."

I inhaled deeply through my nose.

"How's J?"

"Denise made the doctor sedate him."

I glanced out the window. Liv was holding Noah up in the air above her head; his face broke out in a smile. Brooke was walking around and around the tree; I couldn't hear her, but I knew she was laughing. Bitsy was following her, barking happily and nipping playfully at the bottom of her little jeans. It seemed almost obscene for me to have all of that while AJ was left with...

"What can we do?" I asked weakly.

Bri sighed. "I don't know. Denise is going to call me back whenever she knows details about the viewing and the funeral."

"Christ, Brian...how's he going to make it through this?"

"He'll find the strength. Plus, we won't let him go through this alone."

I thought again about me being in his position. I knew I wouldn't be able to find the strength. They'd have to bury me right alongside Liv. Except then Brooke and Noah wouldn't have anyone.

Just like Alexis and Jonah wouldn't have anyone without J.

"Okay," I finally said, exhaling loudly.

"Yeah," Bri said. There was a pause.

"I'll call once I know more."

"Thanks Bri."

I hung up and placed my hands on either side of the sink.

I don't know how long I stayed like that. The next thing I truly heard was the backdoor opening and Brooke whining.

"Noah's hungry, sweetie. Do you want some juice?"

"JOO!!!"

"Nick?"

I looked up. Liv stopped; I saw the concern on her face.

"What's going on?" she asked quietly.

"Brian just called," I said. There wasn't any particular reason why I was whispering, but it seemed wrong to talk in normal tones like it was a normal conversation. "Ro died this morning."

Liv sat down hard on one of the barstools by the island. Noah's hand was pressed against her boob and he was fussing quietly. Brooke was clinging to Liv's leg whining. I saw Liv's eyes fill with tears.

"She died almost instantly," I added. "Brain hemorrhage."

"Oh, God...AJ..." Liv said. I opened the refrigerator and got out a bottle and some juice. I didn't want to just stand there. It seemed...so unproductive.

"Brian's going to call back when he knows funeral details."

I filled a sippy cup with juice and put the bottle in the microwave. Brooke reached out greedily for the cup and plopped it in her mouth. I could barely look at Liv; the tears cascading down her face were getting to me and I did not want to cry.

When the microwave rang I took out the bottle and did the wrist test. It passed. I handed the bottle to Liv. She took it but her leg came out and pressed next to mine.

"Nick," she whispered. I looked at her. I swallowed hard.

She didn't have to say anything else.

Just feeling her warm leg against mine was all I needed.