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Chapter 20: Lance

The place was packed; you could feel the collected misery and grief in the air. I hated funerals… I can still remember the one for my parents. But where that one was small and quiet… just a few friends and what little family we had… this one was huge. I’d stopped counting when the number topped a hundred.

The casket was white, of course. Precious had been so pure of heart, so innocent and loving, that any other color would have seemed inappropriate. There must have been hundreds of white flowers… roses, carnations, lilies… up there surrounding the thing. I was pretty sure that I’d never see a white rose again without thinking of this horribly sad occasion.

I stood near the back; her family took up the first seven rows of seats. Of course, the church was small, but still. Kevin was with me, as were Nick and Howie. AJ was seated with his girlfriend in the last row. She was sniffling, but for once I knew she wasn’t doing it for attention. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place; we’d all loved Precious.

Brian was up front, of course. No one had questioned his right to be in that spot, next to her parents and sibs. Flanking him, supporting him, were Harry and Texas. From their pale faces I knew that none of them was handling it very well. I don’t need to mention that the worst off was Brian.

After his outburst of grief back at his house the day he told Nick the news, he hadn’t said but a few words to anyone. At first, the glazed, empty look behind his eyes prevented anyone from trying; later, his hard and angry glares did the trick of keeping everyone at a distance. We were all grieving, though, and didn’t press the matter. I knew it’d be me that would have to approach him.

Me, because Texas was too close to the issue. Me, because Harry was equally at a loss. Me, because Kevin was still trying to deal with his own pain and anguish. Me, because Nick was still a child, and looked even more lost than Brian did. And me, because Howie and AJ, while great guys, had never been that close to Brian. I wasn’t sure what to say to the kid; sorry didn’t come close. He’d lost everything that was the focus of his world in one senseless, violent act.

I shuddered, thinking of Precious. I couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t suffered in the end; she’d been fully aware of what was being done to her. For that, I wanted to kill every single man that had dared touch her.

I felt Kevin’s hand grip my arm and belatedly realized my hands had clenched into fists… again. He looked a question at me, and I shook my head. No, I was okay. I was in control. I had to be.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the ceremony. The Padre was speaking, but I couldn’t stay with the words. I kept seeing Precious’ smile, knowing that I’d never know that wonderful sight again. Life had never been fair, but this…

“Do you need a minute?” Kevin’s deep voice whispered in my ear. The fists, again.

“Just a second,” I admitted, then ducked out the back.

I fought the urge to hit the stone surface of the entryway. I kicked at it instead, wishing it was an Alley Cat rather than unyielding stone. I laughed bitterly at my thoughts. Just two nights ago, at the War Council Texas had called, it had been me holding someone back.

Maybe I should have let him go.

Despite how wretched the Cats were, they always honored the Council rules: no weapons allowed, not even blades. All present members, from both gangs, were only allowed their own fists as weapons. The only purpose of a Council was to decide where, and when, a true rumble was to take place.

Of course, that didn’t stop words from being flung.

It had been me, Texas, Harry, and Brian there that night. We hadn’t wanted Brian to come, but… well, there wasn’t any way to stop him. And, truth be told, he had a right to be there.

Things were fine until one of the Cats had begun mouthing off about an unnamed ‘treat’ he’d heard about at the grocery store. He’d gone on with words like ‘smooth’ and ‘creamy’ and ‘soft’ and ‘indescribably sweet’. He wasn’t subtle; his words hit Brian’s nerves and Texas and I, literally, had to hold him back. The anger that lit blue eyes that night was deep and furious.

Like I said, maybe I should have let him go.

Unfortunately, there were many more Cats than there were of us. Texas can hold his own in any fight, and I didn’t do too bad myself, but even we were no match for superior numbers. Instead, we had pushed down our fury and saved it for the real fight, the rumble.

The issues had gone far beyond territory; with Precious’ death, there was much more on the line. The cops would be investigating things, for sure, but Brian wanted street justice. Hungered for it. Needed it.

It was all he had, now that she was gone.

I only hoped that it didn’t destroy him as well. Losing Precious was too big a price to pay already.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Kevin’s emerald eyes staring intently at me. The bruising on his face had begun to fade, but it still made me cringe every time I saw it there. I tried to get my thoughts together.

“Sorry,” I said in a ragged voice I barely recognized as my own.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “This is hard all the way around. I don’t think Nick has stopped crying since we got here.”

“Poor kid,” I said. He was so young… fourteen, and barely that… to be faced with all this. Just one more victim in this madness.

“He’ll be okay,” Kevin said. “Howie’s gonna have him visit for a few days. If anyone can talk him through this, it’s him.”

“Good,” I said. “How… how are you doing?”

Kevin looked surprised at the question, but gave it some consideration. “I hate this, hate that we have to say goodbye to someone so young and innocent. I know it sounds selfish, but I wish this were all over with and I was back at the apartment.”

“I know how you feel,” I said. “But… I dread the thought of going back to my place. Stacey… she made a comment the other day that…” I stopped, not wanting to go on.

“That what?”

I hated myself for letting it slip. Still, Kev and I had promised to be up front about things ever since he’d showed up in my driveway on Thanksgiving.

“It was just about being involved in the gang. Again. She… she kind of insinuated that what happened to Precious was, well…”

“What?” Kevin said, his tone sharp.

“All part of being connected to a gang. She’s always hated my being with the Garrisons.”

Kevin’s face paled a bit. “What happened to Precious has nothing to do with-“

“I know,” I said, rubbing at my eyes. “That’s the way she is. Both her and my brother-in-law. Now they’re worried about the boys.”

“Lance,” Kevin said, “you’re a great influence on those kids! You work hard, you’re honest, you push yourself to achieve your goals, you-“

“I belong to a gang,” I finished quietly. “None of that other stuff seems to matter, especially now.”

Kevin clenched his jaw and studied the ground. A moment later he said, “Move in with me, then.”

“What?” I said, surprised.

“I said, move in with me. The apartment’s got two bedrooms, there’s plenty of space. You’d be out of that atmosphere, and I’d have someone… well, around. To talk to.” He frowned, still not looking up. “I know you’re kinda short on money, but I’d consider it even if you’d cook. And… well… the fact is, I don’t like being alone.”

“But that seems unfair, with you having to pay the whole rent…”

“Lance,” he said sincerely, “it’s not about the money.”

I understood. He really meant it. It didn’t take me long to decide.

“I’ll tell Stacey tonight,” I said. “I think she’ll be relieved.”

“Ready to go back inside?” he asked, looking a bit happier than I’d seen him in a while.

“Yeah,” I said.

The ceremony was about over; the Padre was saying the eulogy. Then the line formed to view the casket, something I vowed years ago I’d never do again. I lingered behind while Kevin and the rest went up.

Precious was to be buried at the All Saint’s Cemetery just outside of town, and people began filing out of the church once they had paid their respects. Not many would bother to go to the actual burial; that was reserved for the closest of family and friends.

I caught a ride with Kevin; actually, AJ and his girl came with us as well. Not a word was spoken the entire way. Then, in silence, we waited for the dark day to continue.

Precious’ brothers and father and uncles carried the casket to the gravesite. There was another round of fresh tears, then flowers tossed on top of the lowered casket. I stayed in the background, not having either the strength or resolve to get that close to things. I’d done that one time too many in my life.

I caught Brian after the ceremony was concluded. He looked up at me with watery, red-rimmed eyes. I thought of what I should say, knowing there really were no words that would suffice.

“Let me know if there’s anything you need,” I said in a low voice.

“I need revenge,” he said in a flat, frightening voice. “Justice. They must pay for what they did.”

“They will,” I said. “The police are-“

“Screw the police,” he spat. “It’s personal, Jim. The only girl I ever loved is back there, in the… the…” He choked on the words. Harry was right there, grasping his shoulder. Brian twisted free and stormed down the sidewalk.

Before I could speak, Harry said, “It’ll take some time, Lance. It’s too fresh. When things settle some, he’ll hear your words. Until then, you’re wasting your breath.”

I nodded, knowing he was right.

A short while later we left: another silent ride. I told Kevin good-bye when he dropped me off at my house, and said I’d call him with Stacey’s reaction and a time when he could come get me and my things.

I, for one, was eager to turn the page.