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Author's Chapter Notes:
YAY! Another chapter, so soon! I'm having so much fun with this story, and I hope you all are too. Thank you for all the feedback!
The bitch bit me! She actually grabbed my damn arm…and fuckin’ BIT ME!!! “Who the fuck actually bites someone, when they say ‘bite me’? It’s just a fuckin’ phrase! Crazy ass bitch! What the hell?!?” Now I have a black eye and a bite mark on my arm.

“Excuse you?!? What did you just call me? Say it again…go ahead.” Ha! Yeah right, cutie…I’m smarter than that. Women are not creatures to mess with, let me tell ya. I’ve learned that the hard way.

“Oh you heard me loud and clear, baby. Now shouldn’t you be sweeping the shelter’s floor or some shit?” Cocking one brow up, I stood to my feet and peered down at her. She was a good five inches shorter than me but that didn’t stop her from snappin’ right back. With her hands firmly placed on her hips she gave me a fuckin’ death glare from hell.

“Oh hell no! That’s not even right, and you damn well know it, too, McLean. Your mother is an amazing woman and I know she taught you better than that. Stop acting like a sexist pig! And I am not your baby!” That’s a new one. I have been called a lot of things in my day, but no one has ever called me that before…I guess my comment could be taken as sexist. Oh well…it’s not like I’m really worried about her opinion anyways. Although she is a fan and she was on the DLF cruise…so I probably should be nicer.

“Sorry.” Okay…that didn’t exactly sound sincere. Judging by the way her face just fell and her eyes rolled…she knew it, too. But she was right about my mom…my mom was wonderful and really had raised me to be a gentlemen toward women.

“You know what…fine…whatever.” She turned on her heel, so fast, that sand kicked up a little bit. Grabbing Resa’s arm, she started stomping off down the beach. “Come on Resa. Let’s go gather more supplies and find some more food. The men can tend to the fire or something.”

Women are strange creatures. I don’t think a man has ever lived, that didn’t wish women came with fuckin’ handbooks…instruction manuals…or something. Over the years, I have had to learn quite a few things, about dealing with women, the hard way.

As a matter of fact…here you go. AJ McLeans basic guide rules to women are as follows…

1…When a woman says “Go ahead.” …like what just happened to me…the woman is daring you…not giving you permission. Do not fuckin’ do it, jack ass!

2…Now when cutie said “Fine.” …it was really her way of ending the argument and saying “You’re an idiot. I’m right and you better shut up.”

3…“Whatever” …translates to “Fuck you!” Women LOVE this word!

4…Women never…and I mean fuckin’ NEVER let you forget the shit you say or do. Five years from now…if I still know her…cutie will bring up this damn incident as some kind of damn proof, for whatever fuckin’ point she’s trying to make, at that moment.

5… “Nothing” is seriously the most dangerous word, in the female language. It never…EVER…means “nothing”. If a woman ever answers you with this word…high tail your fuckin’ ass outta there as fast as humanly possible! Because “Nothing” leads to a loud sigh…then to “fine”…and back around to “whatever”.

6… That loud sigh, I mentioned, is a very misunderstood statement. Yes…the loud sigh is a non verbal statement. This is just another damn way of her saying “You’re a moron. Why do I even waste my time with you?”.

7…Women are full of double standards, too. She can go all goo goo over that buff, tan guy on the beach but your ass is ground burger if you even think about checking out another woman.

8…If she says to give her “five minutes”…be prepared to wait a half hour…or longer. But if she gives you “five minutes”…you don’t have a fuckin’ millisecond longer than that. If it hits five minutes and one second…your ass is fuckin’ grass, buddy! Better believe it!

9…Women always have the right to be all cute and fuckin’ flirtatious, whenever, wherever and with whoever they want. You, however, better not wink at another woman…take a second glance at another woman…flirt with another woman…or even say “Hello” in a manner that could be mistaken as flirting.

10… Do NOT…under ANY circumstances…EVER answer the “Does this make me look fat?” question! It’s a trap damn it! Don’t fall for it! If you were to say “yes”…it would make you the biggest fuckin’ idiot that ever lived. This is obviously a stupid move. But some men don’t realize that saying “no” is just as damaging. If you say “no” it will send her into fuckin’ hysterics and it will go a little something like this… “You’re a liar! You think I’m ugly and fat, don’t you?!? I saw you look at that skinny ho, in the mall! You don’t even want me, do you? DO YOU?!?” Trust me…it’s not pretty. So if you’re asked…faint or some shit…do whatever you have to do to avoid answering.

11…See the above guideline and apply it if she asks “Do you think she is prettier than me?” or anything even remotely fuckin’ similar.

12…This is the most important rule. It can and will apply to nearly everything…so…when in doubt…keep your fuckin’ mouth SHUT and avoid the whole damn situation!

Trust me on this, guys. You don’t want to try testing these rules…I promise you, they are really damn accurate. Oh…and don’t trust a woman if she claims that she’s “not like that” because I can pretty much guarantee you…she is.

“Well…you two argue like an old married couple.” OH! That reminds me! I had another damn vision last night. I’m not so sure I should tell him about it, though…at least, not yet. The vision was of me and cutie walking down the aisle, as the maid of honor and best man, at his wedding. He was getting married to Resa! I know he and Leigh were talking divorce and all, but I would imagine that he’d stay far away from getting tied back down, again.

“Shut the fuck up, D. She’s getting on my last damn nerve. I don’t know how long I can deal with her shit.” Grabbing a few branches, I kneeled down to help him finish getting the fire going. He and Resa had gotten it sparked, so we just had to build it up. I was never in Boy Scouts or anything, so I’m not exactly the most knowledgeable in some of this fuckin’ shit. I’m not an idiot though and this can’t be too damn hard, right?

“You’ll have to learn to deal with each other.” Yeah yeah…daddy D is gonna send me to the time out corner for not being nice to the other little kids. Whatever…he’s not the boss of me! Wow…did I seriously just think that? Hm. That’s actually a tad childish. “For now, though, we’ll finish with the fire then see what we can catch for fish.”

“We need to figure out a way of getting our shelter off the ground too. I got seriously eaten by bugs last night and I swear to God, I heard rats or something running around.” Just the thought of rats crawling over me, while I slept, was enough to make me shudder. Yuck. I’m not scared of them or anything, mind you, so don’t go thinking I’m a fuckin’ pansy or some shit, like that. But who knows what kind of damn diseases and shit they could be carrying.

“Good idea, J. Maybe we can construct some sort of hammocks, or something. There sure are enough vines and stuff around here.” This fire was actually coming along great and starting to burn rather nicely. “It looks like Kris found some good stuff on the beach, too. Maybe we can find some more stuff down there that will help?”

“I suppose so. I mean the rafts are pretty unfixable, so maybe those can be made into hammocks or used for roofs. Tropical storms are pretty unpredictable…thank God it’s not hurricane season, yet.” Both of us stood up and dusted the sand off our pants. The fire was going really good now, so we could start teaming up on better shelters and more food. Maybe I wouldn’t get stuck squashed beside cutie, again, tonight.

You know…I’ve come to realize, over the years…the cute ones are always lesbian, married, or fuckin’ crazy! This one…is fuckin’ CRAZY!

“Let’s get to it then. Maybe you can redeem yourself and get back on Kris’ good side.” Oh yeah…he’s laughing now…but you just wait until he finds out about my little vision! Although…I’m not entirely sure it was a vision and not just a dream. But it did have that vision quality, to it. Either way, I’m keeping my mouth shut, for now.

“I don’t give a shit about redeeming myself. But let’s go. I’m still hungry and I…wait…what the fuck was that noise?!?”