Brian's face was grim. Kevin wanted to say something, anything... but he couldn't think of any words that would help. Instead, he reached over and put a hand on his cousin's shoulder. He hoped the gentle squeeze was enough. Although Brian didn't speak, the severe expression on his face eased a bit, and Kevin was satisfied. It would have to do, for now. The ride was finished in silence, each man lost in his thoughts. They arrived at the meeting place and joined the others. Kevin saw them glance at Brian, who nodded. He'd manage. Smiles were exchanged, and the five of them headed inside to meet with the council representatives.

It was an awkward meeting at first. Knowing who, and what, caused the original damage made the Boys uncomfortable. But when it was obvious the council members didn't recognize Brian as Kael, they relaxed a bit. Then, the enthusiasm of the council members erased any further hesitations; they were grateful for any and all help to get their town up and running again. As the meeting drew to a close, the boys' spirits were higher. Maybe things would work out just fine, and there wouldn't be anything to worry about. For the first time, they felt positive about the project.

~~

"I'm hungry!"

"Nick you're always hungry."

"So? I need my nourishment and I never touched that plane food. Always bothered my stomach. Let's find some McDonald's!"

"How can McDonald's food not upset your stomach?" Kevin asked.

"Because he's been eating it nonstop since he was 12, that's how," Brian explained. "But I think we'll have to go to the next town for that. Although I did see a couple Mexican restaurants here."

Nick made a face. "Blech!"

"Come on, Nick, Nevada is known for its great Mexican food. Live a little," Howie insisted.

"Oh.... fine. But the first chance I get, I'm hittin' McDonald's!"

After getting a recommendation from the desk clerk, the Boys called a cab and went outside to wait. Brian took the opportunity to reacquaint himself with that part of town. He vaguely recognized most of the single-family homes on that street. He noticed several kids playing kickball in the street. A little girl with curly black hair was up. He squinted to get a better look. She looked familiar.

He heard a child’s screaming coming closer. Turning, he found Damoth approaching him with a little girl under his arm. She was kicking and screaming, trying to get away, her black curls falling into her eyes.

“I caught her trying to escape Commander Kael,” Damoth announced. “Where should I put her?”

“Mommy! Daddy!” The girl screeched, looking wildly around. She spotted someone and repeated her cries. “Mommy! Daddy!”

He winced. “For goodness’ sake, Damoth. Make sure she’s tied up first, and then put her with her parents, over there. I’m sure that’s them.”

The little girl rounded second base as the memory faded. Could she be the same little girl?

"Hey, Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the date?"

Kevin checked his watch. "March eleventh."

Brian swallowed hard. "Oh man," he murmured.

"Something wrong?" Kevin asked.

"It's been exactly one year to the day," Brian said. "One year to the day since... since the attack."

The Boys exchanged silent glances at Brian's sudden announcement. One whole year... and there was still so much to be done. Brian pulled the brim of his hat lower, covering his eyes.

"Well," Howie began, "that's all in the past now. Healing, and helping others to heal and rebuild their lives, that's what we should be focusing on."

The Boys nodded in agreement. But how many don't want healing? Brian wondered. How many just want vengeance?

~~

The restaurant proved to be well worth the recommendation, and the group was able to relax and enjoy the meal. The earlier tension vanished by degrees, and by the time they paid the bill, everyone was in good spirits. Realizing they were only two blocks from the hotel, they decided to walk. Halfway there, Brian spoke.

“Guys, I’d like to go off on my own for a while. Just look around, you know?”

“Do you want some company?” Kevin asked.

“No, I’ll be okay.”

“B, I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’ll be okay,” Brian insisted. “I just… There are some things I need to do by myself.”

"I'd feel better if someone went with you."

"Look, I-"

"I promised Leighanne," Kevin said quietly.

Although Brian didn't like it, he stopped protesting.

"All right, then." He paused, chose a direction, and began walking down the sidewalk. He didn't need to look back to see his cousin following a short distance behind.

After several silent minutes, Kevin spoke. "Any particular destination?"

“No.”

Kevin fell silent. Knowing that Brian wasn't going to talk, he simply kept a watchful eye on the surroundings. Despite a few damaged buildings, the town was quite appealing. They'd done a lot of reconstruction over the last year.

They turned a corner onto Summer Lane. Turning from the street sign, Kevin had to stop to avoid crashing into Brian. Brian had paused without warning and was staring down the street.

"B?" His face had gone white, his eyes wide. Kevin followed his gaze and discovered with a shock a half-burned school building. An elementary school from the looks of it.

That school, Brian wondered. Did I order that or was it an accidental fire? He was hoping for the latter, but the memories came back with alarming clarity. He had indeed ordered the destruction of that school building.

"I did it," he murmured.

"What's that?"

"I gave the order for that school to be burned... How could I?"

"But that's just the point," Kevin said softly. "You didn't. Kael did, and you're here to help repair the damage he did."

"Kael and I-"

"Are not the same," Kevin interrupted. "Kael is dead. You are here to help."

Silence fell heavily between the two men.

"Can you say it?" Kevin asked after a while.

"Say what?"

"Can you say that Kael is dead and make us both believe it?"

“I…” Brian looked at the school, then back at his cousin. "Kael... Kael is dead."

It didn't sound convincing, and Kevin frowned. "Why do you keep doing this, Brian? You're not having... destructive feelings, are you?"

"No," Brian said quickly. "I look at this, and it sickens me. It's just that..."

"Just that what?"

"Kev, what if... what if Zator comes back again, and..."

"And?"

"He turned me into Kael once. What if he does it again?"

"He won't," Kevin said flatly. "Because this time, you won't be alone."

Brian shook his head. "Kev, I'm just remembering it now, but the first few days I was with him, there was always this pulling feeling within me. And every day that passed I remembered less and less of my old life. What if it happens again when I go near him?"

"You'll be prepared for it, this time. You know how it felt. He can't catch you unawares."

"But what if-"

Kevin interrupted with a curt gesture. "Bri, stop. You could spend your entire life asking 'what if'. Don't dwell on the past. Remember the saying, 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? Learn from what happened. Don't let it rule your life forever."

Brian opened his mouth to give another fear, but stopped. Instead, he asked, "How am I stronger than before, Kev?"

“Because you survived."

"How do I know Kael didn't survive?"

"That's enough!" Kevin interrupted forcefully. "You'll go gray early with all these worries. Let it go. Now, come on. Let's get back to the hotel."

Brian sighed and looked at his feet. "Yeah. Yeah, we should go."

The pair crossed the street and headed back towards the hotel. While they waited for the light to change at a crosswalk, Brian heard something that caught his attention. Agitated, hushed voices... nearby, and getting closer. He felt a surge of dread deep in his stomach. He knew, without a doubt, that he'd been recognized. Or, rather, Kael the monster had.

He tensed, unsure of what to do. Opening his mouth to alert Kevin, any words he would have spoken were instantly drowned out by an excited cry. Brian heard running feet moving fast. He braced himself, not knowing how to react.

"You! It's you!" a young woman's voice rang out.

"I can't believe it!" said a second stranger.

Brian tensed. Suddenly, Kevin's hand was on his arm. He shot a glance at his cousin, who was... smiling.

"Hello, ladies," Kevin said quietly, facing the now-stopped pair.

"Oh my gosh," said the first. "It's you, it's really you!"

"It's us," he said, his Kentucky accent coming through. "Really."

"Wow, I can't believe it," said her companion. "What are you doing here, right in the middle of town?"

"We're here to do a benefit concert," Kevin answered as if it really were that simple.

Brian tried to calm his still-racing pulse. Thank heaven it was fans and not someone that wanted to kill him. "Uh, yeah," he said in a somewhat shocked voice. "A benefit."

"Cool!" the first girl gushed. "Can I... we... get your autographs?"

She produced a small piece of paper and frantically searched for a pen in the depths of her purse. Brian glanced at Kevin and grinned in relief.

"Sure," Kevin said. "I hope you can come to the concert."

"We'll be there," the second girl promised. "This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to us!"

Brian hid a wince at the girl's statement. He knew she meant the most exciting good thing. He and Kevin quickly gave the requested autographs, and thanked the girls for their support. Once they were alone again, they continued on their way to the hotel.

"I've never been happier to see fans rushing up to greet us," Kevin remarked.

"Me neither," Brian admitted. "I thought for sure they recognized me for Kael.”

"You know," Kevin said as they turned the final corner, "that's something to think about. If our own fans don't equate you with Kael... and who knows us better than our fans?... then what are the odds that anyone else will? And besides, you don't dress like Kael does. I doubt they would have put the two of you together."

"What about the ones that only know me as Kael?"

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Don't start that again, Brian. You're going to have to face everyone the night of the concert. But judging from what just happened, I'm optimistic. I'm sure you'll be just one of five Backstreet Boys." Kevin gave a small grin. "Of course, it won't be the tall, handsome one... or the cute youngest one, or the charming Latino, or the rebellious heartbreaker, it'll just be plain old you..."

"I'll take plain old Brian any day," came the truthful reply. "Any day at all."

~~

Nick smiled as he signed his name on the c.d. he'd been handed. He and the others and been there for about an hour now and he had been blown away by the size of the crowd that had gathered. Even in a small town like this, there were still loads of fans and not just the youth either. He had held back a chuckle when he'd seen a woman that was most likely a grandmother hand a picture to Kevin for him to autograph. She’d said something that made him laugh as he signed the picture. He'd ask Kevin later about what she said to him.

AJ smiled; it was great to be back in the swing of things again. Although the pressures of being famous could sometimes get to him, he loved to see the excitement on the fans' faces. Signing autographs seemed such a small thing, but he got a rush from it. Seeing fans face to face, hearing the enthusiasm in their voices, made it all worthwhile. He glanced over at Kevin's laugh, wondering what had amused the eldest so much. He looked again, lowering his shades... yes; it was a blush on his face! He wondered what in the world the older lady had said to Kevin to produce such a reaction. He couldn't wait to interrogate him later.

Howie accepted a paper from a girl who couldn't be more than eight. He listened attentively as she explained that she had drawn the picture all by herself, with no help at all. He thanked her, giving her a broad smile. He looked at the drawing... he wasn't sure, exactly, what it was, but he told her it was beautiful. She beamed; when he gave her a wink, she broke into a giggle. Her mother, standing behind her, mouthed a 'thank you' over her head. Howie signed a poster and handed it to the girl, who accepted it as if it were the greatest treasure in the world. He sighed. Without a doubt, he had one of the greatest jobs in the world.

Kevin felt his ears burning; it had been a long time since he'd been made to blush. A quick glance at AJ and Nick told him they'd noticed. He knew he wouldn't get a moment's peace until he explained the entire thing. Still, it was flattering, no matter how much teasing was in his immediate future. Fans never ceased to surprise him. Just when he thought he'd heard and seen it all, something unexpected happened. It was a part of his job he wouldn't trade for anything.

Brian grinned at the picture little Rebekah gave to him. After a second or two, he was able to see a few of the things that she had drawn.

“This is really pretty, Rebekah. Did you do it all by yourself?"

Rebekah nodded while biting her lip. "I drawed it."

"Rebekah, do you want to sing for Brian?" the mother asked.

"Oh she wanted to sing?"

"She's been working on it day and night since she heard you were coming."

Rebekah grinned and started to sing. "Show me the meaning of beef baloney!"

Brian blinked and tried desperately not to laugh. From the corner of his eye, he saw Howie pause and look her way. He grinned when he heard what she was singing. But both boys had to chuckle when she reached the end of the song.

"There's something kissing in my haaaat!"

AJ wasn't able to hold back a snicker; Brian had a hard time keeping control himself. "Oh," he managed to say, "that was... wonderful! I can tell you worked hard on that. I never heard that song quite that way before."

"You liked it?" she asked hopefully.

"You made it a very special song," Brian replied truthfully. "It's not often we get sung to like that."

The girl took that as a high compliment and clapped her hands together. She told them all good-bye and took her mother's hand, eager to go home and tell her brother all about it.

As soon as she was out of sight, Brian turned to his companions. "You've got to admit it was cute," he laughed.

"Adorable," Howie agreed.

~~

"Come on, Kevin," Nick persisted. "What'd that woman say to you?"

"You never blush like that," AJ agreed. "What's the deal?"

Kevin could already feel his cheeks getting warm again as he looked through the sheet music. "Nothing you need to know about."

"Oh come on! You know we're gonna harp on you till you tell. 'Fess up."

"Well, Marge-"

"Marge?" AJ exclaimed.

"The, ah, older lady that came..."

"Whoa, first name basis," Nick teased.

"Okay, forget it," Kevin said.

"Come on," Howie said. "Just get it over with."

The oldest sighed. "All right. Marge, well, she's a fan, see… actually, her granddaughter got her into our music. She used to teach piano, and was… well, she liked the fact that I play. She saw it on one of the videos."

"That's what made you blush?" AJ looked at him incredulously.

"No," Kevin admitted. "It was after she said all that. I signed this c.d., and she just kind of stared for a second. She got this really... um... sort of spark in her eye and said that if she were forty years younger, I'd be in… in trouble."

The four broke into gales of laughter. Kevin's blush returned, along with a glare. The warning was ignored, however.

"Did... did you tell her that you were a m-married man?" Nick managed to say.

"Kristin will be so jealous," AJ said with a snort.

“Why do I tell you losers anything?" Kevin groaned.

"Because you're so easy to pick on," Brian said.

"Don't you all have some shopping to do?" Kevin demanded as he grabbed the sheet music he was searching for.

The other boys scattered throughout the store, still chuckling at Kevin's predicament. Brian headed over to the gospel section, hoping to find something to play for Baylee when he got home. He was busy going through the selection when he sensed someone approach.

"Hey," said a deep male voice.

Brian turned, putting on his best 'fan' smile. But when he saw the man in question, the smile faded. There was a distinct glare coming from cold gray eyes; this was no fan.

Brian blinked and took an unconscious step back. "Can… I help you?"

"I think you did enough a year ago," the man practically spat. "How can you have the gall to show your face here again?"

"I... I don't-"

The man stepped forward, his fist clenched. "You're the monster that nearly destroyed the town. You might have those little girls fooled, but I know what you are."

"Wait a minute, I-“

"I saw you myself, that night. Right before you destroyed my garage and ruined everything.” He gripped Brian’s shirt collar. “Now it's payback time."

One of the store clerks intervened in the nick of time. "Steve!" the woman cried. "What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

"Stay out of this, Beth. This is between me and him."

"This is Brian Littrell, one of the Backstreet Boys! He's famous!"

"He's the monster who attacked this town," Steve snarled. "I saw him myself!"

"You're mistaken," Beth insisted. "He's here for the benefit. Don't do something stupid."

Steve released Brian and turned his fury to the clerk. "How can you not see it? It was him!"

Beth clenched her jaw. "The day of the attack, everything was insane. And if I remember correctly, weren't you trying to dry out around then? You're imagining things."

"I didn't imagine his face," Steve said. "I saw it as clear as day. So what if I was drinking a bit then? It didn't affect my memory."

"I suggest you leave, before I call the cops," she said, standing her full 5' 4". "Apologize to Mr. Littrell and get out of here."

"I'm not apologizing to that monster," he said angrily. "Never. And it's not over yet." He gave Brian a hate-filled glare and strode out the door.

Beth, looking distraught, turned to Brian. "I'm so sorry... I know Steve said some terrible things; he's been through a tough time lately. He's been out of work, and… well, that's beside the point. There's no excuse for what just happened. I'm really sorry."

So am I, Brian thought guiltily.

"Everything all right?" came a welcomingly familiar voice.

"Y-yeah, Kev, it's good," Brian answered.

"Do you want me to call the police? It won't be the first harassment charge Steve’s been given."

"Ah, no, it's okay," Brian said, trying to steady his words.

"Harassment?" Kevin repeated. "What happened?"

"Well, Steve's kind of a local troublemaker; he came in and started bothering Mr. Littrell for no reason."

Kevin shot Brian a glance. When Brian shook his head ever so slightly, Kevin got the message.

"No, we won't press charges," he said. "We'll just finish shopping and get on back to the hotel."

"Thanks for being so understanding," Beth said. "He really shouldn't give you any more trouble."

Why do I doubt that? Brian wondered as he watched her walk away.

It didn't take long for the five to finish their business; by the time the hotel van arrived to pick them up, they were ready to go. Brian immediately hopped in the back and tried to make himself as invisible as possible, although he knew it wouldn't last long. The ride was made in silence; Kevin desperately wanted to hear the whole story of the incident, but didn't dare speak until they found some privacy.

The instant the elevator doors closed on the group back at the hotel, he spoke.

"What happened, Brian?"

"He recognized me as Kael, what do you think happened?" Brian spat. “I knew this would happen, Kevin, it was only a matter of time!"

"Calm down," Kevin said. "So what does this mean?"

"What do you mean, wh-?"

"Are we going to cancel it all? Someone has recognized you. Now you have to make a decision."

"I..." Brian paused, knowing that so much was riding on his answer. Here was the very issue he'd feared the most. Here was where he needed to make a stand, one way or another.

His brothers waited in silence. Knowing they would support him either way, he carefully considered his answer.

"I don't want any more trouble on my behalf," he began, "but I need to face up to what I... to what Kael did, and help make it better. It won't be easy, but I'll try."

Howie smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll be behind you all the way, Brian."

The others echoed his statement. Brian looked at each of his brothers and saw the sincerity in their eyes. Although his worry didn't vanish, he did feel better about it all. He could do this; he had to. And he wouldn't be alone.