- Text Size +

“He was just lying there, obviously in pain, and yet he was smiling.”

“Smiling?” Kevin repeated.

Howie nodded. “For whatever reason, yeah, he was smiling. He also asked me if there was a cemetery in town.”

“A cemetery? What for?” Nick demanded.

Howie shrugged. “He just said that there’s something he’d like to do later.”

“Like what?” AJ asked. “Pick out a spot for himself?”

“AJ, don’t,” Kevin warned.

Howie sighed. “He didn’t say, but I don’t think it’s bad.”

“Speaking of bad, how’s Brian doing?” Kevin asked.

Howie nodded to the room. “Go see for yourself.”

The door gave a soft creak as Nick entered first, with the others behind him. He froze as he caught sight of his friend lying on the bed. Brian had two black eyes, a bruise on his cheek and a cast on his right hand.

"Aw man," he exclaimed, his voice full of surprise.

"What?" AJ asked. "Aw crap," he murmured when he got a glimpse of Brian. Kevin, however, simply stood there in shock. What else had been done to him that they couldn’t see?

Brian jerked, and then groaned quietly.

Nick hurried closer. "B?"

Brian managed to open one eye. "Nick?"

"What happened to you?" Nick demanded.

Brian shifted on the bed, then sucked in a sharp breath and wrapped an arm around his ribs. "A couple of very vengeful guys with really hard fists," he said dryly.

"Vengeful?" Nick asked, frowning.

"They believed that Kael had it coming."

"But Kael's no longer around," AJ said. "Right?"

"That's right," Brian replied, looking not at AJ, but at Kevin. "Kael's dead. He died a year ago and he's never coming back."

Kevin studied his cousin's pure blue eyes, seeing a confidence there that surprised him.

"We don't have to worry about him anymore," Brian continued with a smile.

"You sound really sure about that," Kevin said carefully.

"I am," Brian said simply.

"You know, if I had just gotten used as a punching bag, I sure as heck wouldn't be smiling. Must be the drugs," AJ commented.

“Not the drugs," Brian said. "Something much more powerful."

"And what's that?"

"Divine forgiveness."

The other four stood silently, not knowing how to respond.

Finally Nick spoke. "What do you mean?"

Brian’s eyes lowered and he sighed softly. "For the past year, I never felt worthy enough to pray. Why would God want to listen to such a wayward child who'd gone against everything he'd been taught? I was serving an evil I'd been told to hate, under the impression that I was protecting my family, when, in all probability, he might have used me to destroy the very people I love most and possibly the entire world.”

He raised his head, but didn’t look at anyone. “But when I was attacked, I realized deep down that not only did I want to come here to make amends for what Kael had done, but also I wanted their forgiveness. My attackers wouldn't give me the chance to speak, so when I regained consciousness, I poured my heart out to God. But something happened… it's hard to explain, but at the very worst moment, when I was feeling the most pain and despair, I felt it.”

“Felt what?” Nick asked.

Brian's gaze unfocused for a moment. "It was like... a wave of warmth flowed around me... not physical warmth, but something deeper. Something that went inside." He placed a hand over his heart. "It started here, right in the very center of my heart, like wrapping me in a warm blanket after an eternity in the cold. It seeped into my very soul and I knew... God had forgiven me. Even though I didn't think I deserved forgiveness, He gave it to me anyway."

AJ looked away and cleared his throat. The revelation that Brian hadn’t felt worthy enough to pray to God was startling, but when he’d described what he had felt, AJ knew that another step in the healing process had been taken. Hoping no one saw, he brushed away a tear that threatened to fall from his eye. When he turned back, Kevin was lowering onto the bed.

“You’re certain that Kael’s gone?” he asked.

Brian nodded, looking him straight in the eye. “I’m positive, Kevin. That monster died last year, and we won’t see him again. I swear.”

Finally, Kevin smiled. “I believe you. But,” he continued, “what are we going to do about the concert? You’re injured and I’m sure the doctor wants you on bed rest until you’re healed.”

Brian glanced at his wrist. “Well, she wants me to be careful. According to Dr. Renkins, I can’t do any major moving around for another week. She says it means no dancing and no heavy lifting. So I can’t help do any rebuilding. And I have to be careful about long-distance walking. No running just yet.”

“What about the concert?” AJ asked. “Did you mention that to her?”

“Yeah, I did. When were we planning on doing the concert?”

“Next Wednesday,” Kevin replied. “But since you’re injured, we may have to can—“

“Say ‘cancel’ and I’ll whoop your butt as soon as I’m better,” Brian threatened, jabbing a finger at his cousin. “There’s nothing wrong with postponing it a week or so. It’ll give us more time to help these people rebuild their home.”

“You’re not afraid?” Nick asked. “Of whoever it was that beat you up doing it again?”

Brian shook his head. “No, they got the vengeance they wanted. But if they were trying to run me out of town, it’s not going to work. There’s too much I have to do.”

Howie stepped closer. “Bri, when I first found you, you asked me if there was a cemetery in town. Why did you want to know?”

Sorrow filled their friend’s features as he looked down. Howie started in surprise. “Brian, what’s wrong?”

“People died,” he murmured. “Several people died the day of the attack, while others… passed on later in the hospital.”

AJ’s mouth hung open in shock. Then he realized, “Kael murdered innocent people?”

“And gave his soldiers the free will do the same,” Brian replied tightly.

His companions shifted in an uncomfortable silence. Brian directed his gaze to the window; it displayed the clouds beginning to blow over from the storm.

He spoke softly. “I just need to go… to make peace, or at least try.”

“You want company?” Nick asked.

Brian pressed his lips together and considered the offer. Finally, he spoke. “All right. But give me some distance when we get there, whenever we go. I’d like to be by myself for a bit.”

Nick nodded. “Sure, pal.”

~~

AJ entered Brian’s hotel room to see him struggling to get out of bed. Brian was moving slow but he kept wincing in pain. AJ went to his side and held out a hand.

“You need help getting up?”

Brian shook his head and gripped the nightstand. “No, I can do it.”

AJ raised an eyebrow but remained silent and watched his older friend bite his lip as he stood. He stepped closer and wrapped an arm around Brian.

“Where you heading, anyway?”

“Bathroom.”

“Okay, let me help you.”

Brian started to move away. “I don’t need help.”

“You’re in pain, Rok. We can all see it. Now let me help.”

“I don’t need help!” Brian repeated as they made it to the hallway.

AJ shook his head as they reached the bathroom. “Boy, you and Kevin are definitely related. The same stubborn streak running through your genes.”

Brian rolled his eyes and pushed the door open. “Thanks.”

AJ watched him shuffle into the bathroom and shut the door. “Country boy pride,” he muttered as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. It had been three days since he’d left the hospital, and Brian had been insisting on trying to do everything himself. In the hospital, he had to depend on the nurses and doctors to help him.

A few seconds later, he heard a sharp hiss from the bathroom and looked at the door. “You okay, B?”

“I’m fine,” Brian grunted.

Yeah right, you’re fine. A tense minute later, Brian opened the door again. AJ repeated his earlier question of Brian’s health.

“I said I’m fine.”

“So explain why you hissed in there.”

Brian looked away. Without a word, he headed for the couch. AJ sighed and followed him. Reluctant to make his friend mad, he held back and watched Brian sink onto the couch. The older man groaned and stretched his legs out.

“You okay?”

Brian sighed. “Not really. When I was attacked, someone gave me a good kick in the pants twice.”

AJ cringed. “Eeesh. I’m sorry, bro.”

“It… hurts to urinate,” he muttered. “It’s not so bad now as it was in the hospital, but it still stings a little.”

“You want some ice for it?” AJ offered.

“Nah, just some medicine,” Brian replied. “I’ve got a prescription for the pain on my dresser.”

“Yeah, I saw you taking something earlier around breakfast.”

Brian checked his watch. “I’ll need to take it soon, then. So, what brought you to check on me?”

“Just wanted to see how you were doing before we head off to practice. We’ll be doing some rebuilding later on, I believe.”

Brian managed a half-smile. “I’m jealous. Wish I could help, but…”

“But you’re still injured and Dr. Renkins told you to take it easy,” AJ finished.

“Yeah.” He looked away momentarily. “When you guys are done… could someone drop me off at the cemetery? I think Nick wanted to come, since he offered.”

AJ nodded. “Yeah, I think we can do that. You just take it easy until then.”

Brian rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. And in case Kevin asks, I'll take my medication on time."

"He's just worried about you, man," AJ said with a smile. "So are the rest of us."

"Yeah, I know." Brian motioned to the door. "You'd better go or you'll be late."

"See ya."

When he heard the door shut behind him, Brian heaved a deep sigh and leaned his head back. He had to agree with AJ; the others did have the right to worry about him. Especially after the attack. He winced, remembering the hatred flowing around him that evening. Had it been too much to hope that these people could forgive him for the monstrous thing he had allowed to happen?

His thoughts suddenly went to Leighanne. She had been the one that had started him thinking of forgiveness. He realized that he hadn't contacted her for several days. Surely she'd be worried by now. A minute later he was automatically dialing the number he knew so well.

"Hello?" came the greeting after a few rings.

"Leigh," he said, smiling. "It's me."

"Brian! Is everything all right? I haven't heard from you. Is-"

"Take it easy!" Brian interrupted, hoping to calm the frantic tone he heard in her voice. "I'm sorry I haven't called lately. Things... well, things got a little troublesome."

There was a pause. "Troublesome?" Leigh asked. "Like how?"

Brian took a deep breath, and bit by bit, he told her everything that had happened since their arrival in Riverview. "And as soon as the others get back," he concluded, "Nick and I'll head off to the cemetery. You know, to... pay our respects and… make peace with what happened."

"Are you sure you're ready to do that?" Leigh asked softly.

"Whether I am or not, I have to. I really feel it's what I have to do. Yes, God has forgiven me, but I'd still feel better knowing I've tried to make peace with the people I hurt."

"You mean the people that monster hurt," Leigh corrected. "He is gone, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he's gone. This is just the final thing, I think. Closure, you know?"

Even though he couldn't see it, he was certain his wife was giving him that soft smile he'd fallen in love with. "I understand. I'm proud of you for doing this, Brian. I love you."

He closed his eyes as his heart swelled with love for her. Hearing her say how proud she was of him was one of the best things he could ever know. "I love you too, baby. Give Baylee a kiss for me."

“I will. Take care of yourself, Brian.”

“I’ll do my best. I’ll call you soon, I promise.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Knowing that he had his wife's strong support and love behind him, Brian felt equal to the task. When Nick got back, he would be ready to go to the cemetery and make his peace. He rose from the couch and picked up the song list for the upcoming concert; he wasn't up to dancing, but he could practice his vocal parts. He found, with his injuries, it was easier said than done. But he pushed past the discomfort and did a session of breathing exercises.

By the time he began singing he was slightly tired. Still, he sang. And his ears detected a new strength in his voice, a new determination. It inspired him to push his talents even further. After half an hour, he needed to rest. But Brian was pleased; he had a way to go, but for the first time things looked very positive.

Checking the time, he realized that he didn't know how long the others would be gone. He took care as he lowered onto the couch. Maybe he could rest a bit before they got back. Before he registered the transition, he was fast asleep.


As consciousness returned, Brian heard the sound of whispering voices just beyond him. After lying motionless for a minute longer, he recognized AJ’s voice.

“I thought we’d already agreed on that, Kev. Nick offered to go, so let him go with Brian.”

“I’m just worried, that’s all,” Kevin replied. “I do trust Nick, I just…”

Now he heard Nick’s voice. “Kev, it’ll be okay. I’ll look out for him.”

“Well…”

He took a deep breath. Time to introduce himself. “You don’t have to baby-sit me, you know.”

“Brian?”

He opened his eyes to see Kevin leaning over the back of the couch. He smiled. “Hey.”

Kevin smiled in return. “How you doing?”

“All right, I guess,” he replied, sitting up. “Still a bit sore, but I’ll be okay. How long have you been back?”

“Just a couple of minutes.”

“You still want to go, B?” Nick asked.

Remembering the conversation with his wife, Brian nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“All right. Let me shower first, and then we can get going.”

~~

Nick glanced over at his companion as they arrived at the cemetery. It had seemed like Brian was ready and anxious to head off when they left, but the closer they got to the cemetery, the more nervous and quiet he’d become. Brian continued to stare at the gate, swallowing hard every few seconds.

“You ready?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah… just trying to work up the nerve to do it.”

“All you need to do is unbuckle and step out of the car.”

“I… I know. It’s just…”

Nick set a hand on his shoulder when he trailed off. “You’ve made it this far, bro. You know we’re behind you all the way.”

Brian glanced at him and smiled. “Yeah.”

“We’re proud of you, y’know,” he continued. “All of us. The others may not have said it yet, so I’ll say it for them.”

Brian just stared in silence for a few moments, then smiled again and unbuckled. “Let’s go.”

The friends traveled through the cemetery, following paths that they’d been told would lead to the graves of the people that had died the previous March. Brian’s pace was determined, as though moving slow would change his mind about what he was planning to do. All of a sudden he stopped and Nick had to sidestep to avoid crashing into him.

“What’s the matter?” he demanded. Then he looked beyond Brian and saw it. A woman knelt in front of a grave, a small bouquet of flowers at her knees.

“Is that one of the graves?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah,” he croaked. He turned to leave. “Maybe we should come back another day.”

Nick held him back. “Wait a minute, Brian. You shouldn’t leave just because someone else is here.”

“I… I don’t want to intrude. She might be sharing a private moment with whoever it is she lost.”

Nick licked his lips and thought a moment. “Bri, this might be the best way to make peace with those that Kael attacked; by making peace with their families. Even if they hold a grudge against you, which I doubt they will since you don’t act or dress like Kael does-“

Brian chuckled. “That’s what Kevin said.”

“Smart man. Even if they don’t forgive you, you need to remember that God has forgiven you and so has your Backstreet family.”

Brian studied the ground for a minute before replying. “You’re right.” He looked back at the woman, took a deep breath, and headed over.

~~

“Master, we found Kael.”

“Excellent. Was he approached?”

“Yes, sir. But I’m afraid his reaction was full of hatred toward you.”

The master growled. “Thanks to his human friends, no doubt.”

“No doubt, sir. What do you wish to be done?”

He scowled. “Return to Earth and make sure he understands the punishment for betraying me.”

~~

"It's getting late."

"They'll be back, Kev," Howie replied, repeating the same thing he'd told the older man for the past half-hour.

"What if they ran into trouble?"

"Someone would have contacted us by now," AJ said.

Kevin shook his head. "I shouldn't have let them go."

"Kevin, relax!" Howie cried. "Brian had to go, and this was the time they wanted to do this. They'll be back soon. Trust me."

"But-" Kevin stopped at the sound of the door opening. He leaped to his feet and hurried over to see Nick closing the door and Brian removing his coat. He paused and studied his cousin. There was something different now, something in his eyes. He seemed more... well, he couldn't find the right word for it.

"How'd it go?" was the only question he could think to ask.

Brian offered him a smile. "It went well."

Kevin frowned at the less-than-informative answer. "Care to relay any details?"

Brian crossed the room and sank down on to the couch. "Yeah, sure... it's just been a long afternoon," he said.

The others took seats around the room and waited for him to begin.

"Well, when we got there, I expected to find the cemetery pretty empty," Brian said. "I was just going to visit the graves, you know... But there were visitors."

"Just around, or at the actual, um, gravesites?" Howie asked carefully.

"Right there where I needed to be." He shook his head. "It was hard to approach them."

"You spoke to them?" AJ asked, surprised. "The families and all?"

Brian nodded. "Yeah. I was nervous, but it was all right. They weren't bitter," he continued. "They were angry at Kael for what he did to them, as they had every right to be. But each one of them told me that they're stronger for it. Their loved ones are in God's hands and it's only a matter of time before they'll be together again."

Kevin leaned forward, absorbed in watching his cousin relay the tale. He wasn't sure if he'd have enough courage to do what Brian had done.

"But how did they not equate you with Kael?" AJ asked. "I mean, surely they didn't just take your word for it with no questions."

Brian was silent for a moment. "They looked in my eyes," he said quietly. "They must have seen that we aren't the same. They asked questions, yes... but each one judged me, and had the graciousness to listen to my story."

"Most of them consider Brian as much of a victim in all of this as the others," Nick added. "They knew that no sane human could have done such a thing."

Brian twisted his ring and said, "One lady, who lost her husband during the attack, actually gave me a hug and said she was sorry I was involved in such a terrible thing. When I think of her capacity for forgiveness and understanding..." He blinked. "It was humbling."

"It's not always easy to do the right thing," Howie said. "But I admire that you had the courage to do that, Bri. Not a whole lot of people would want to do that, confront the past in the way you did."

"Howie's right," Kevin added. "I'm in awe of that courage, cuz. I'm proud of you for doing that."

“So am I,” AJ agreed.

Brian looked at the four faces around him. His brothers, his family... Knowing how they all felt made his heart swell with gratitude. Their understanding meant more than he could ever express. And the fact that they were proud of him was almost too good to believe.

"Thanks," he said a bit shakily. "Thanks for... well, everything. I couldn't have done any of this without all of you."

"That's what family is all about," Nick said with a smile.

"Exactly," Kevin echoed. The other two nodded in agreement.

"Maybe we can all move forward now, together," Brian said. "This can be a whole new beginning... not just for me, but for us all."