AJ snickered at Brian's comment, ignoring the mock glare from the eldest.

"That may be so, but you're not exactly Top Speed yet, either."

Nick laughed, glad to hear the banter. Ever since he and Brian had returned from the cemetery two days before, things had changed. Thankfully, for the better. Humor and joking came easily, and it felt like old times again.

"Nick, come help me open this thing!"

"Sure, D. You want me or Ninjaman?"

"Well," Howie grunted, "if this bag doesn't open, I may need Ninjaman's sword."

A new voice joined them. "Don't be too much longer, fellas. We've done quite a lot already and we're about done for the day."

"Already?" Nick asked in surprise, and then spared a glance at his watch. Sure enough, it was nearing dinnertime.

"Man. Guess we got carried away in the fun," AJ remarked.

"Let's get some dinner," Kevin suggested. "Then we can head back to the hotel."

"McDonalds!" Nick shouted.

"That's not dinner," Kevin replied. "I mean real food."

"But McDonald's is real food-" came the protest.

"Can we just get room service or something?" Brian asked. "We had McDonalds just the other day. Besides," he rolled a shoulder, "I'm starting to hurt a little."

"You need your meds?" Kevin wondered.

"I'll take them during dinner. Let's just head back to the hotel and order out."

"Well, okay, but only because you need your meds, Bri," Nick mumbled unhappily.

Brian smiled. "Tell you what, Frack, the next time we get McDonalds, I'll pay for it. And I'll let you kick my butt at the video game of your choice."

"I can kick your butt at video games any time," Nick grinned, brightening up. "But you're on about treating me. I'll just make sure I'm extra hungry."

The friends laughed.

"Shotgun!" Nick shouted.

"Not if I get there first!" Brian argued as they took off toward the van.

Nick had almost made it to the van when he heard a pained gasp from behind him. He whirled around to see Brian doubled over, clutching his stomach. Howie put a hand on Brian's shoulder as Nick raced back to his friend's side. "Brian, are you all right?"

The older blonde hissed, then tried to straighten and nodded. "Yeah, I'm cool, Nick."

"That doesn't look cool, B. You're getting the front seat by default."

Brian tried to protest, but Howie and Nick were already leading him to the van. Kevin had been about to climb in the driver's side when he hurried back over. "Brian, are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine, Kev. My side hurt for a little bit, that's all."

"He gets the front seat," Nick announced. "It'll be easier to keep an eye on him."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Guys, I swear I'm fine!"

"Brian, you clutching your stomach is not fine," Kevin insisted. "Get in the van."

Despite what he told his friends, Brian's muscles were hurting too much to argue and he climbed into the front seat without argument. Without another word, the others climbed in and they set off back to the hotel.

As they waited at a red light, Brian began silently wishing for his pills. He reached for the handle that would lean his seat back; it was getting uncomfortable to sit up like he was.

"Bri?"

"I'm not waiting for dinner to take my pills," was the strained reply.

Kevin glanced over towards his cousin. "You're looking kinda pale," he noted with a frown. "Did you overdo it?"

After a moment, Brian admitted, "Maybe a little." He didn't bother to look at the older man. The last thing he wanted was to see the 'I told you so' in his eyes. Instead, he gazed out the window. A movement caught his eye; looking up, he saw a strange black silhouette racing across the sky.

He squinted. "What's that?"

"Looks a little like a Stealth," AJ remarked.

"Couldn't be," Kevin corrected. "It's not the right shape, and this isn't a place for them to fly over."

He noticed the light change green, and he continued back to the hotel. Out of the corner of his eye, Kevin noticed his cousin shift slightly, wince, and close his eyes. They arrived at the hotel five minutes later. Brian wasted no time heading up to the room and downing his pills. Howie placed a room service order for dinner so they could all simply relax that evening. Nick asked if Brian felt up to playing a video game, but Brian simply said 'no' and lay down on the couch until the food arrived.

By the time the meal was finished, Brian was barely able to hold his head up. He mumbled his goodnights and went straight to bed. Finally, pain-free, he drifted off into a deep and dreamless sleep.

~~

He snapped awake, gasping for breath and sitting bolt upright in reaction to the terror he felt. Somehow, he stopped himself from crying out. His body shook from the aftershock of the nightmare, terror still gripping his heart. Although he knew it had only been a dream, the pulse continued to pound in his veins. He forced himself to slow his breathing; his skin felt cold, and he realized he was covered in sweat.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he put his head in his hands and tried to push the horrifying emotions back. It would have helped if it had been just a dream rather than a recollection. But the feelings of pain, helplessness and terror had come sharp and clear, propelling him back a year in time. It took a while, but he finally felt his heartbeat slow and his confusion clear. The memories, however, didn't fade. He knew it was all in the past; that's what they were here for, to make amends and build a future. But the memories...

He stumbled into the bathroom and splashed his face with cool water, which helped a bit. He came back to the bedroom, but knew he'd never be able to fall asleep. The nagging sensation of worry pulled him towards the door. Although logically he knew everyone was safe and whole, his heart feared for their wellbeing. Quietly, he moved out of his bedroom, compelled to check on his brothers.

He came to the door nearest his own and paused a moment, listening. There was no sound emanating from within. His hand hovered just above the doorknob; it would be an invasion of privacy, something he wouldn't normally think of doing. But the dream... the memories... He soundlessly turned the knob and opened the door just far enough to view the occupant. AJ was sprawled diagonally across the bed, snoring softly. The image of AJ glaring out from behind the forcefield of his cell on Zator's ship flashed in his eyes for a moment. He winced at the memory, still fresh from his nightmare. Quickly stepping back, he shut the door and moved down the hallway.

He didn't hesitate at the next door; he soundlessly opened it and stared at the tangle of sheets on the bed. It took a moment for him to register the form underneath. Howie was, apparently, sleeping quite soundly, snuggled around a pillow and almost completely covered up. A barely audible noise sounded through the room... thankfully, it was a contented sigh. A great contrast to the image in his mind's eye... Howie, being led out of the prison cell, knowing he was about to be tortured... The defeated look in his eyes when he returned... He shuddered. The Howie of that time had healed, he told himself. The pain and torture was back in the past. One more glance at the sleeping man, and he closed the door.

He stood in the hallway, beginning to feel foolish. There was no reason to think anyone was in danger now. Still... He knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he checked on all his brothers, foolish or not. He turned to another door. The moment he opened it, he heard a strange muted sound... music. Music? When his eyes adjusted, he saw the source. Nick was sound asleep, headphones on and c.d. player still activated. The sight brought a small smile to his face. How many times had he seen the exact same picture? Nick was continually going through batteries for his player for exactly that reason. He thought about turning the device off, but didn't want to risk disturbing the youngest. With a vague grin, he left the blond to his music.

The last door loomed before him. The man within had been featured predominantly in his nightmares, and he hesitated approaching him. He knew all had been forgiven, and the past was... well, the past... but he couldn't get the scenes out of his mind. Cold eyes, distant and alien. The force of a blow, the emotional hurt much worse than the pain... the words, directing the torture session without regret... His hands started to shake again, but he clenched them into fists. He refused to be chained to the past. Refused to let his nightmare affect the present.

"Brian is not Kael," Kevin verified, needing to hear his own voice. "That was a year ago. The dream was just a dream." It was hard to reconcile the dream images with current reality, though. With a great deal of courage, he opened the last door.

Brian was still a bit pale, the bruises fading but still visible. He'd suffered, and it hurt to see the aftermath. Kevin clenched his jaw. They'd all suffered. Would they ever be free of the past? Brian shifted in his sleep and sighed, a small smile coming to his face, a peaceful smile, not at all like the one that haunted his nightmares for the past year. Kevin watched in silence. He'd had a rough time, but Brian had been through much more.

Letting the younger man sleep in peace, he backed away and left the room. Seeing his brothers all safe and sound should have eased his mind, but the anxiety clung tightly. Knowing that it would be time wasted going to bed again, he sat on the couch and switched the television on. He turned the volume off, not wanting to disturb the others, and settled in to an old movie.

~~

AJ stretched and yawned, rolling out of bed with little grace. After a quick trip to the bathroom, he wandered towards the suite's small kitchen. Coffee was needed, and lots of it. Passing through the living room, a loud snoring reached his ears. He paused. What in the heck? He stopped at the sight of Kevin, sprawled haphazardly on the couch, with the television turned on to the early local news. That was odd, he thought. He'd rarely seen Kevin sleeping on the couch with the television on. Heck, he'd rarely seen Kevin asleep on the couch period.

He was tempted to wake him abruptly, but it was simply too early to be that cruel. Smiling, he went about fixing coffee, hoping that the aroma would wake the man. It wasn't too long before he heard someone... Nick, by the stumbling sounds... coming down the hall. He made a 'quiet' motion the moment the blond came into view, and pointed to the sleeping man.

"What's that about?" Nick asked sleepily, rubbing his face.

"Dunno," AJ said with a shrug. The coffee finished brewing and he poured two cups. Nick accepted one without a word and sipped gratefully. The two youngest Boys contemplated their sleeping bandmate.

"We ought to wake him. Man, he's really snoring," Nick said.

"Yeah, but... how? This is a golden opportunity. I mean, how often do we catch Kev like that? Hey... you got a camera?"

"Naw, man. Ask Brian."

"Ask me what?" came the mumbled southern voice.

AJ made a shushing motion. "Go get your camera, this is a Kodak moment." He nodded towards the still-snoring Kevin.

"What's he doing on the couch?" Brian said.

"Who cares? Just go get the camera!"

"Aje, this isn't going to be like the stuff you pull with Howie, is it?"

A snort came from the couch, and the three bandmates turned their gaze to Kevin. But the eldest just turned his head and started snoring again. A collective sigh of relief filled the room and AJ made one more pleading motion to get the camera. After staring at him for another minute, Brian just shook his head and headed to his room. Seconds later, he returned with the camera, followed by Howie. AJ promptly snatched it from his hand and moved to the couch.

"You're welcome," Brian grumbled as AJ snapped picture after picture. "Don't use up all that film!"

A moment later, the camera was thrust back at him. "Better hide it quick, B."

With a roll of his eyes, Brian headed back to his room. Rounding the couch, he accidentally bumped the arm. Kevin awoke with a shout. He sat up gasping and looked around with wide eyes. His reaction took them all by surprise; smiles vanished in an instant.

"Whoa, Kev," Howie said evenly. "Easy there."

Wide emerald eyes moved rapidly, taking in the surroundings. The panic in them fled as he realized where he was. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face.

"What was that all about?" AJ said, frowning with concern.

"Oh, ah... nothing," Kevin said, an obvious lie.

"Right," AJ replied, crossing his arms. "Now the truth."

"Just disoriented for a sec," the eldest said elusively.

Brian raised an eyebrow. "Do you really expect us to believe that, Kevin?"

Kevin froze. Although the words were spoken in a caring voice, his mind swept him back to another time... when it had been Kael saying them. Color drained from his face as the memory assaulted him; the terror from his recent nightmare gripped him once again and he suddenly couldn't breathe. Sound dissolved into a mottled drone; his vision began to blur. A grip, harsh and demanding, on his arm, someone shouting... He struggled to be free, but tiny black dots crept into his peripheral vision. Then a push on his back, forcing him forward...

"Come on Kev, steady breaths..." came the words sometime later. "That's it, nice and deep... it's okay, give yourself a second..."

He fought for control, not understanding what was happening. Finally, words that made some sense reached his ears.

"...panic attack or something," said a familiar voice.

"...a doctor?"

"...no, I think he's coming around..."

"Kev? Can you hear me bro?"

He grasped at the voice. Someone he knew, he trusted... "H-howie?" he managed to whisper, dismayed at how shaky his voice was.

"Yeah, it's me. You okay now?"

"I... what..."

"It looked like a panic attack," Howie explained. "Has this happened before?"

"It… no, not in a long time," he said. "It's been months..."

"Here," said a second voice as a cool smooth object was thrust into his hands.

He looked up, finally able to focus. Nick was standing in front of him, clear worry on his face.

"Drink a little, it might help," the blond suggested.

Kevin regarded the glass of water and sipped cautiously. "Thanks," he said a moment later. He raised his eyes and looked around, then ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Sorry about that," he apologized in a quiet, strained voice.

"Are you okay, Kev?" Brian asked. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's just... it's nothing," Kevin answered, staring into the half-empty glass.

"Didn't look like nothing to me," Brian declared. "People don’t have panic attacks for no reason."

"Really, I'm fine," he insisted. "You don't have to worry about it." He cleared his throat, then said, "I must have fallen asleep out here."

No one was put off by the quick change of subject. AJ said, "So why were you out here to begin with?"

"I couldn’t sleep." It was the truth.

No one argued. They all knew of separate times when they'd found him unable to sleep for one reason or another. Kevin glanced at the clock, then realized something.

"I need to get a shower, and everyone needs to be ready to leave in twenty minutes. We've got final rehearsal today and the interview with the local radio at 11. Not to mention the photo publicity shoot and the meet and greet later-"

"And the concert tonight," Nick added.

"Tomorrow," Kevin corrected.

"Right," Nick said, grinning. "Just wanted to see if you were awake."

"What about breakfast?" AJ asked.

"Order room service, we can eat before we head out. And before you suggest it, Nick... no McDonald's."

Nick closed his mouth. Sometimes Kevin was just plain scary. With that, the oldest rose from the couch and headed rather quickly towards his room.

Brian spoke once he was out of sight. "That was the lamest change of topics I've ever heard."

"It's obvious he doesn't want to talk about it," Howie said. "We should give him his space for a while."

AJ frowned once again. "Anyone catch the bit about his panic attacks, that this wasn't the first one he's had?"

"I never heard about them before," Brian admitted. "But... I can guess what they're about."

"What?"

Brian just gazed at him in silence. "He didn't freak out until I said something," he said at last. "I'm sure it has everything to do with Kael, and what happened a year ago."

The four friends glanced at Kevin's door.

"I guess the healing process isn't completely finished," Howie observed.

"We're all struggling with it," Brian said. "But maybe this concert will make the difference."

"I hope so," Nick said, a troubled look on his face.

By the time Kevin emerged from his room, there was no trace of the earlier incident on his face. The food arrived, and breakfast was quickly eaten. The day was going to be a busy one.