How do you know where your life is supposed to go? Which road is the right road to take? Do I follow the yellow brick road and end up back home? What if home is the worst place that I could be?

I am full of so many questions. None, which can be answered by anyone, even me. It’s my own fault that I question the very meaning of my life. Being scared of what I had or could have had made me runaway from what was most important to me.

I had to make a choice in my life; it was now or never. Do I live in my unhappiness or do I go back to what I lost? The pros and cons for each weren’t simple. If I stayed where I was, I would never have to worry about being rejected by true love. What if I went back to him and he had another love? I don’t know if I could handle it. I have never loved another as much as I loved him.

My choice was beginning to become clearer as the days passed. Without a job I couldn’t exactly live on my own. I couldn’t afford to live alone. It was time to face reality and go back home. This was the one place I was afraid to go. Memories flood my mind and fill me with regret.

I took the key out of my purse, it still worked. He never changed the lock. Did I even have the right to come back into this house? What if he was in bed with his new girlfriend? What if he didn’t want to see me again? That last question was probably true. Why would he want to see me again? I left him when things we going perfect in our relationship. I was afraid of perfection.

I heard voices coming from the living room. Who would be up at three o’clock in the morning? It was dark in the room, so I could sneak past without anyone noticing me.

“Did you hear something Brian?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, it sounded like the front door opened.”

“Who would be coming in at this time of night?” Nick got up and walked to the foyer. His mouth dropped open, when he saw me.

“Hi Nick.” He turned and walked back into the living room. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want him to see me walk back into the house like this.

I walked into the living room. It was decorated exactly the way I designed it three years ago when I left. I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t moved on. I felt worse than I did before.

“Hello Rachel. What brings you back?” Brian asked harshly. I knew that he was upset with me for leaving Nick.

“I’m back for good.”

Nick just sat on the couch starring at the floor. I knew he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He was hurt, and it was my fault. My heart ached for him. I knew that I had done this to him. I knew that things couldn’t be fixed; it was over between the two of us.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Nick ran out of the room.

“Great you’re back. Just what he needs.” Brian gave me a dirty look.

“Brian, what is your problem? I feel guilty enough without your attitude.”

“You should feel guilty. Nick hasn’t been the same since that day you left. I’ve been here to pick up the pieces. You destroyed a man. I hope you’re happy.”

I just stared at Brian. He was right; I shattered Nick’s heart and left his friends to pick up the pieces. What kind of person was I? How could I be so cruel to do that to someone I love? I deserved everything that came my way.

“Well aren’t you going to say something Rachel? You know I’m right. You can’t even begin to understand what your leaving did to him. I hope that you’re here to get the rest of your stuff and be gone for good.”

“Brian, I know that you hate me. I don’t blame you or anybody for hating me for what I did. Nobody hates me as much as I do. I know you won’t believe me, but I do love him. I never stopped.”

“How could you have done it if you truly loved him? If you love someone you don’t leave in the middle of the night. Why did you do it?” Brian yelled.

“I know you won’t believe anything I say, but it’s not something that I can explain to you. It’s none of your business. This is between Nick and me. I’m here to make things work again. I want what I had before I left.” I cried.

“It is my damn business. Who do you think has been here the past three years? You left to make it easier on you, what about Nick? Did you even think of him when you were gone? Why are you back all of a sudden?” He screamed at me as Nick walked back into the room.

“Both of you stop yelling. You’re giving me a headache. I’m tired, so I’m going to bed. Night Bri. Rachel you know where the guest room is.” Nick said without emotion. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he walked out of the room.