The dressing room was filled with laughter and craziness as the dancers were getting ready for the show. I put the finishing touches on my makeup. This would be my first performance with the boys. The noisy room was making it hard for me to concentrate, so I went into the hall to warm up.

“Hi Ray!” Nick walked past me and into his dressing room. I smiled and waved. It was nice having him talk to me. I continued strecthing.

“Whatcha doin’?”  I looked up and saw Howie and Kevin watching me.

“I’m getting ready to dance with a bunch of hot guys.”

“I have a question for you?” Kevin said seriously.

“What Kev?”

“What’s going on between you and Nick?”

“What do you mean?” I was confused. Things between us had not changed. Sure, he was civil and said hello to me, but nothing else had changed.

“I don’t know, but it seems like you two are talking to each other.”

“Howie, he is just being polite.”

“Did you tell Howie what happened last night? I understand you didn’t come back upstairs until after three.” I glared at Kevin. He was such a father, waiting up to see when I get back.

“Shut up Kevin. Nothing happened. Nick and I practiced some of the dances. You know how my nerves get. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“That’s not what I heard.” Howie and Kevin smiled at each other.

“What did you hear? I’m tired of you two playing this game.”

“AJ saw you and Nick kissing in the ballroom. He said it was pretty intense.”

“Just leave me alone. I’m sick of you guys spying on every move I make.” I walked away from them. Why did everyone have to be so concerned with me and Nick. Could they learn to mind their own business?

The show started with a bang. It was amazing to see all the fans, dancing and singing with the boys. Two hours seemed like five minutes when performing. The thrill of being on stage again made it all worthwhile. Dancing with Nick made it all better. Nick and I had never danced better.

After the show, I took a quick shower. Then it was time to hop on the bus and leave for the next city. I didn’t feel like riding with Howie. He made me mad earlier this evening. I couldn’t ride with Brian or Alex because they hate me. My only choice was Nick. Hopefully he wouldn’t mind me riding with him.

“Nick can I ride on your bus?”

“I guess. Why? Don’t you usually ride with Howie?

“Yeah, but he’s getting on my nerves. If it’s a problem I can ride with the dancers?” I quietly mumbled the last part. I didn’t want to ride with nine other people. I needed peace and quiet, so I could think about things.

“No problem. Are you ready to go?” I nodded my head.

Nick and I got settled on the bus. I chose my bunk and threw my stuff inside.

“Hi Rachel. How are you?”

“Hello Bob. I’m doing ok. It’s great to see you again.” I hugged him. I always like Nick’s dad. He was strict but a teddy bear just like Nick.

“I’m glad you came back. Things will work out. Just give it time. Nick’s glad you’re back. He loves you and it will work out between you and him.”

“Thanks Bob. I’m glad to have your support.” He started up the bus and pulled out of the parking lot. I went to my bunk to get some sleep.

----------------------------------

My watch showed three in the morning. I couldn’t sleep; my thoughts were on Nick who was in the bunk across from mine. I decided to go sit in the living room and listen to some music. I put in one of the cds Nick had burned me a few years back.

You and me, we have the right combination

We’re all we need

Its just you and me

We make the right combination

Straight from the heart

Love is the key

And whenever you call I’m there

Every stumble and fall I share

I”ll be yours through it all

I care, about you baby

Its so easy to see, so strong

Now I know you and me belong

I’ll be by your side forever

You and me, we have the right combination

We’re all we need

Its just you and me

We make the right combination

Straight from the heart

Love is the key

(“The Right Combination” –Seiko & Donnie Wahlberg)

The memories flooded my brain. I listened to this cd every day. It was the only way I could be with Nick for the last three years. By listening to this cd, I knew that he loved me more than life itself.

“Having trouble sleeping?” Nick yawned as he talked. He looked cute with his bed head and flannel pants.

“Did I wake you?” He nodded his head and sat down on the couch. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I the music was that loud.”

“It wasn’t any louder than what AJ would play it when we would sleep. It was the song that woke me up. I haven’t listened to that cd in a long time.”

“I listen to it everyday. There isn’t a day that goes by, that I haven’t listened to it.” I felt I had to tell him. I needed to open up to him and be honest. It was time that we moved on. We couldn’t live like this for the rest of our lives.

“I’m touched Rachey. It doesn’t make me feel any better. Things could have been better than a cd, if you just would have stayed.”

“I know Nick. I don’t know how many times I can apologize for leaving. I’m sooo sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. Don’t you care that I left even though I didn’t want to? Do you think it was easy for me to leave you that night. I regret ever having done that. What about my feelings?”

“What about your feelings? For all I knew you could have left me for another man. I had no clue where you went or why you left. I thought I had done something wrong. I felt like it was my fault that you left. Do you think I could live with the fact that something I did made you leave?”

He stared at me with his deep blue eyes. I deserved to be blame for this. It was my fault that things were like this. I just wanted Nick to love me again.

“Do you even care why I left? I mean I’ve been back for almost six months and you haven’t even asked me why I left. Brian has asked and so has everyone else, except you. I don’t want to tell anyone but you. I don’t think you care about me or what happen. You would rather sit around and mope about it. Move on, Nick. What happened is over. Let’s start living in the present.”

“I want to know, why you left me. I’m afraid of what you will say. Don’t you think I feel like all of this is my fault. I don’t want to hear that you left because of me. I have loved you all my life, and if I don’t know the answer I don’t have to blame myself for you leaving.” He cried.

“Nick it was never you. It was me. I just want to explain to why I left. Will you let me tell you?” He looked at me and nodded his head. The tears silently fell down his face. My thumb quickly wiped them off his face.