I was sitting on my couch spending another evening watching mindless television. I was alone and lonely. There was nothing unusual about that. I had been spending the last three years that way. I had no friends to hang out with. My mom was on tour. I had no life. I turned on the television and decided to check my email. My instant messenger popped up as soon I connected to the internet. It was Howie. I wondered what he wanted. It was probably about the record label.

                        Latin Lover D: Hey Rachey!

                        Cinderella bsb: Hi Sweet D!!

                        Latin Lover D: What’s up?

                        Cinderella bsb: Not much. U?

                        Latin Lover D: I talked to Nick today.

                        Cinderella bsb: Did he have anything interesting to say?

                        Latin Lover D: Maybe. J

                        Cinderella bsb: What’s with the smile?

                        Latin Lover D: I’m just happy to talk to you.          

Cinderella bsb: Cmon D. Tell me or I’m going to go watch tv. I hate suspense.

Latin Lover D: Gee whiz. You’re moody tonight. I thought you would want to talk to me. I’m hurt. L

Cinderella bsb: You know I love you D, but Nick must have said something important since you mentioned it. If you weren’t traveling the world, I’d smack you.

Latin Lover D: Ok. I’m sorry that I’m acting like AJ. I will be Sweet D from now on. Do you really want to know what Nick said?

Cinderella bsb: Please tell me.

Latin Lover D: Well I kind of overheard him when he was talking to Aaron.

Cinderella bsb: Shame on you Howard!! Just Kidding. I taught you well.

Latin Lover D: Ha ha! Let me continue. He didn’t hear me come in but he was talking about you.

Cinderella bsb: Stop holding out on me Dorough. Just tell me what he said. I am dying in anticipation.

Latin Lover D: He told Aaron that his mom didn’t know crap. Then he said, “I still love her. I haven’t stopped since the day she left, and I won’t stop until the day I die. Even then I will still love her.”

Cinderella bsb: D, what am I supposed to do? He knows that I still love him, but he hasn’t tried to talk to me.

Latin Lover D: He’s afraid that you’ll break his heart again. He doesn’t want that to happen again. Nick would rather suffer with loving you from a distance than to risk actually loving you.  I gotta go. Bye.

I couldn’t believe Howie would sign off in the middle of our conversation. I wanted to know more. My thoughts were at odds with each other. I was delighted to know that Nick still loved me as much as I loved him. At the same time it sadden me to know that he was afraid that I would hurt him again. What could I do to get him to trust me? We both wanted the same thing, but couldn’t figure out how to get it back to where we wanted it.

In the three months that I had been in Orlando, nothing had change. I was tired of playing this game. Moving on was the only choice. No longer could I sit and ignore Nick. I had to make a move, I felt childish about the whole situation. Here I was twenty-seven and playing games with the man that I loved. I knew I had to do something, the only question was what.

By two in the morning I still had no clue as to what I could do to end this game. I couldn’t leave, and I wasn’t sure if I should stay. Which was the easier choice to choose? Neither would be easy; having their own set of complications. Deep down I knew that my only choice was to gain back  Nick’s love and trust. He was my one and only true love. Without him I was nothing.

I decided it was time to go to bed. My whole evening was consumed by thoughts of Nick. I hated that Howie had planted the seeds of hope in my head. At least I knew Howie was telling the truth. He would never do anything to hurt me. He was a good friend.

I tossed and turned. I looked at the alarm clock, it read four in the morning. I threw my covers off and went into the living room. I signed on the internet and decided to check my email. Nothing but junk. I decided to send Howie an email.

Howie,

It’s 4 am, and I am sitting here writing you an email. Why do you ask? Thanks to our lovely chat this evening, I couldn’t sleep. I love that you care about me so much, when no one else does. You are a good friend. That being said I am taking the day off from work. If you need something call my cell phone. Thanks for being such a good boss and friend.

Love,

Rachel

I hit send and decided to watch a movie. I put in Dirty Dancing and sat on the couch. Within fifteen minutes I had fallen into a deep slumber.