It had been snowing for days. Every time we were sure the snow had finished it just started back up again. The stuff was coming down faster than road crews could keep up with it and now the roads were a complete mess. I’d nearly died on the way in. It made me reconsider my (cheap) decision to not upgrade to snow tires. Why would they call them ‘all-season’ if you could only use them when it was warm and dry? It puzzled me.
You’d think with everything I’ve seen since I’ve been on the job I’d be more inspired to make sure my car was safe.
“Merry Christmas, Probie!” I heard from just in front of me and I ignored it until I realized the voice was speaking to me.
Looking up from the paperwork I was filling out I raised my eyebrows, “Are you talking to me?”
Howie laughed and nodded his head, his brown eyes full of excitement knowing that in just a few moments he’d be heading home to his kids. Tonight he’d get to play Santa – helping his two little ones put out cookies and milk, and read them Christmas stories.
“I’m not a Probie anymore,” I reminded him, “Not one of you has called me by my name yet.”
Howie shrugged, “It’s tough to get used to not calling you that anymore. We have to train ourselves!”
I just shook my head at him and rolled my eyes dramatically, “It’s been six months since my probation ended.”
He grinned at me and reached out to clap a hand against my shoulder with a resounding smack, “You still look like a Probie to me. Maybe when we get a new one you’ll finally get your real name back.... what is your real name anyway?”
I knew he was joking so I just smiled, “Merry Christmas, Howie. Enjoy the time with your family you deserve it.”
“Thanks man,” he said, taking a quick glance around the firehouse, “Don’t stay up all night doing paperwork. There’s plenty of downtime during the holidays to catch up. Get some sleep. Lord knows everyone else is up there sleeping. You know what they say... Santa doesn’t come if you’re awake.”
I laughed, “Get out of here, man. I’m not worried about Santa. If he knew what was good for him he’d show up with a vat full of egg nog and a pretty girl.”
“This isn’t Backdraft, and you aren’t William Baldwin – no sex in the truck!” he laughed again and this time he finally left, walking casually down the hallway to the door.
“Drive safe!” I called after him, wondering why people ever bothered to say things like that. It’s not that I thought that he’d suddenly see snow on the ground and start driving like a maniac. If he drove safe during the rest of the year it shouldn’t make too much of a difference if the roads were a little messy.
I only got a few minutes of work done before the phone was ringing on the private extension, the number that only other employees were allowed to know – in case of emergency.
“Engine 17,” I answered and tried to hear through the cell phone static on the other end.
“Hey Probie, it’s Brian!”
“I’m not a... forget it. Aren’t you supposed to be here Lieu? You’re late!”
“Yeah, sorry, that’s why I’m calling. I had to stop to pick up Don and now we’re stuck in a stupid snow squall. I can’t see shit. Is Howie still there?”
“Nope, just left.”
Brian let out a frustrated sigh, “Damn. It’s gonna be a couple of minutes until I can get there.”
“Alright,” I sighed heavily, “Keep your radio on just in case though.”
“Don’t worry about it, buddy. This is your first Christmas, don’t expect too much. There’ll be plenty of downtime tonight.”
“So I’ve heard,” I mumbled, remembering that Howie had said nearly the same thing before he’d left earlier.
“You’re starting to break up,” Brian told me and I imagined him in his little convertible with the soft top up, trying to manoeuvre it through the snow, “Listen, just answer the phones. Don’t get ahead of yourself. If something comes through dispatch let someone else take care of it. There’s no supervisor there and I don’t want you guys out there without one of us.”
“We know,” I answered for the guys who were sound asleep upstairs. I always said the guys, forgetting that one of the beds above my head was occupied by a woman. Well, she really was one of the guys, except for the hot body and pretty long hair.
“Ok, well, we’ll be there soon!”
“See ya,” I hung up and leaned back in the chair.
My father had never told me about times like this. The “downtime” as it was apparently called. My whole life I had idolized him, and thought he was a hero. That’s what I wanted when I joined the Academy to follow in his footsteps and be a firefighter. I never imagined I would spend the majority of the time cleaning the firehouse, doing paperwork, and doing things by the book.
I wanted to be running into burning buildings and saving people’s lives, not putting out burning toasters, and getting downed telephone lines out of the roads. Next thing you know I’d be saving cats from trees! I didn’t push my body through every possible trial just so I could polish the front of a fire truck faster than the next guy.
My mother sometimes told me that things aren’t the same now as they used to be, when my dad and uncle were in the department. Now the politics outweighed the pride. If they were still alive, I know they’d have the same concerns as I did. Instead though, two days before Christmas my dad and his brother had died in a house explosion. They’d gone in, driven by that pride, thinking they were saving someone’s life but in reality the people inside were running a drug lab. Some chemicals exploded and took the house and the two people I loved most in the world (apart from my mother) away from me.
I knew while standing next to my crying mother as the snow fell on us and we watched a parade of Chicago’s best march past us in honour of my blood that I wanted to be a firefighter.
I still wasn’t a big fan of Christmas though. Sure, the presents were good, but since I was 12 years old it hadn’t quite meant the same. Christmas only reminded me of losing my dad.
“Probie?” her voice was soft, as if she knew I was deep in thought.
I glanced up at her, taking in her sleepy expression and slightly dishevelled hair. A department t-shirt was fitted against her body, pulling slightly against her chest... but I shouldn’t think that way about my coworkers.
“You look sad,” she noted.
“I’m just thinking. You can go back to bed. There’s nothing going on around here. Plus Brian and Don called... they’re going to be late.”
Tasha had joined the academy at the same time as me and we were partnered up for many tasks during the 14 month program, but she had nearly a year of seniority. While I excelled at the physical side I struggled with the academics and when I got stuck on the medical part of the classes I had to repeat a portion of my course. Tasha, on the other hand, was good at everything it seemed and breezed through.
“I know Christmas is hard for you,” she said because I was easy, and would tell anyone my secrets for a good head rub, “I got you something.”
I looked up at her; hair that had pulled out of her ponytail was framing her face. In her hand she was holding a box, wrapped in bright paper with penguins on it with a matching bow.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I told her, hesitantly reaching out for the box, “Really.”
“You’re right, I didn’t,” she admitted, “Especially since you have no problem showing up at my apartment in the middle of the night for booty calls but you never call or even acknowledge me the rest of the time.”
“Wow, that’s pretty harsh,” I laughed nervously but knew she was right, “Well, thank you, and I promise I’ll call next time I say I will.”
She just laughed at me, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep Probie just open the present.”
“Ok,” I smiled and as soon as my hand touched the bow to unwrap it the radio next to me started squawking.
“9-1-1 dispatch to Engine 17,” a female voice crackled and I abandoned the gift for a moment while picking up the handset.
“Engine 17, go ahead,”
“Two vehicle MVA, West Sunset at West Grand, can you respond?”
Finally some action and I wasn’t allowed to go outside and play. With a sigh I hit the button on the side of the handset again, “Sorry dispatch there’s no Lieutenant here right now.”
“Wait,” Tasha stopped me, “That’s just up the street! By the time another engine gets there those people could be really hurt.”
I was going to argue with her, but she was my senior after all, “Wait dispatch,” I called through, “We got it,” I told her and the second she responded I reached over and hit the alarm letting everyone know it was time to get up.
Suddenly it went from a quiet night to organized chaos as people began their descent into the garage, rushing to their posts.
“Probie!” Alex yelled, making his way quickly over to me as the engine roared to life, “Where’s Lieu and the CO?” he asked with a hint of suspicion in his voice, referring to Brian and Don who were still unaccounted for.
“Late,” I didn’t give out too many details because I didn’t want to get in trouble quite frankly.
“Alex! Probie! Let’s go!” Tasha yelled to us and I quickly grabbed my helmet before jumping in the truck.
It took us no time to get there; it was only a few blocks away. As we reached the scene we were presented with the worst collision I’d ever seen in person. You couldn’t tell between the two cars they were meshed together so tightly.
Quickly we all piled out, people running for gear. I knew now why we shouldn’t have gone without Brian and Don. I had no purpose, nothing to do, no one to help. They all had their jobs and were doing them as if on autopilot.
There was smoke billowing out from under the hood of one of the vehicles. We had to get these people out. Now was my chance to hero, wasn’t it?
“Probie, grab a halligan and get over here!” I was summoned and I moved quickly, grabbing tools and heading over to the second car while the team worked on the first.
What awaited me shook me to the core. Sitting inside the car was Brian and Don, both unconscious.
“Guys!” I screamed, barely recognizing my own voice because of the shock in it, “It’s Lieu and the CO!”
In a flash they had pushed me out of the way to work on getting the two out of the car. Looking through the heavy falling snow I noticed that Tasha was still at the first car and I joined her.
“Think you can handle this for a few seconds?” she asked once she had the door pried open, “I’m gonna radio in for a bus.”
“Sure,” I agreed but she gave me no more instruction than that. I pulled the door the rest of the way open and through the deployed airbags, and the powder they’d left over I could see a woman alone in the car.
“Ma’am?” I called out to her, hoping to get her attention as I tried to clear debris away from her, “Can you hear me?”
She didn’t respond. Blood was running down her face, probably from hitting the airbag. People didn’t realize that there was a wrong way to do up your seatbelt (you should be sitting ten inches away from the steering wheel) and there are a dozen other factors that are completely in a driver’s control that could save a life.
I leaned into the car to try and free her up for when the paramedics caught up with us. I pulled off one of my gloves so it was easier to grab onto the seatbelt but when I pressed my hand into the seat liquid pooled between my fingers. My initial thought was that it was either blood or urine but when I pulled my hand away the fluid was clear and had a sweet, musty smell. I was confused for a moment but quickly freed her from the seatbelt, then tried to get through her layers of heavy winter clothes to check for injuries.
“Oh God,” I muttered once I reached a very pregnant belly beneath her puffy jacket. I realized just then that during the impact of the crash her water had broken, and now there was an unconscious pregnant woman in labour right in front of me and everyone else was occupied with the other car.
“Tasha,” I yelled out the door, “Where’s that bus?”
“On the way - they gotta drive the same roads as the rest of us,” she yelled back and I watched as she and a few other people were getting the Jaws of Life out of the truck. Things must not have been all that great with the other car.
I heard a groan from next to me and I turned to see the woman slowly coming to, “Can you hear me?” I asked her again and she moaned in response. I took that as a yes.
Her eyes opened slowly and it didn’t take her long to realize where she was and panic.
“You gotta calm down, don’t move,” I instructed her, holding her down by the chest just in case she had a neck injury.
“I’m...” she struggled to speak, “the hospital...”
“You were on your way to the hospital?” I asked, trying to decipher her meaning and she gave me a small nod, “An ambulance is on the way, we’ll get you to the hospital. You really can’t move right now until someone checks you out.”
“My baby...” she trailed off, her eyes closing for a short moment.
“You just gotta hang in there,” I instructed her, “Try to breathe.”
She listened to me, taking deep calming breaths, and I sat with her treating the minor cuts and scrapes that I could see just to stop the bleeding. Her contractions were coming every seven minutes or so and I wondered if I should get her out of the car, or ask for help. It seemed like everyone else was pretty busy with Brian and Don. I hoped they were okay.
“Can you tell me your name?”
“My name... is Gina.”
I quickly checked her hand, seeing a set of rings on her finger, “Where’s your husband Gina?” I asked curiously, wondering why she would have been driving by herself to the hospital.
She was panting slightly as she tried to get the breath to answer, and tears were quietly running down her cheeks, “He was on a business trip... yesterday... his plane was cancelled because of the weather.”
“It’s gonna be okay,” I assured her.
“What time is it?” she asked breathily and I pulled back my heavy sleeve to check the time.
“12:05.”
“...It’s Christmas. Merry Christmas,” she said, suddenly reaching for my hand as another strong contraction hit her.
I had been counting in my head since her last contraction, and my worry grew as I realized she was down to barely three minutes between them. This baby was coming with or without the paramedics.
“Merry Christmas,” I responded to her, thinking of how this probably wasn’t going to turn out to be a very good holiday for her, “Gina? I have to check to see where the baby is, okay?” I asked her while taking a pair of latex gloves out of my pocket. As I slipped them onto my hands, one set then another, I turned to the others back at the other car once again, “Were the hell is that bus?”
“You have a problem over there?” Alex inquired, and I watched him squinting to see me through the snow.
Next thing I knew Tasha was beside me, taking in the situation, “Do you have this under control?” she asked and I quickly nodded.
“She’s in labour,” I explained while taking the chance to put my hard earned field medicine experience to use, “And it’s really only a matter of time.”
“I guess you’re delivering a baby then,” she said, “Are you able to get her out of the car?”
“Should we risk moving her? What if she has a neck injury?”
“Sometimes you can’t go by the book Probie,” Tasha explained and I got somewhat excited about doing something on the fly, “It would be worse for us to try and deliver the baby with her in the driver’s seat. You’ll need more space. I’ll grab some blankets.”
I was starting to get nervous now as I gently dropped the seat back, listening to her groan from the jostling, “Gina do you have pain anywhere else?”
“No... I... I don’t think so. All I can feel is the baby,” she said which gave me a slight reassurance that she would be okay if I moved her.
“I’ve got the blankets, what’s the plan?” Tasha asked as she came back and I knew that in some ways this was a test. She was testing me to see what I’d do.
“I’m going to slide her into the back seat. I don’t want her out in the snow. If you could lie down the blankets there and maybe hop in and help me move her? The roof is pretty low from the impact; I think you’ll fit a little better than me.”
Tasha nodded thoughtfully then started laying out grey wool blankets on the seat.
Soon enough Gina was lying in the back, propped up against Tasha’s legs.
“I don’t know what’s taking the medics so long,” I mumbled as I pulled off my jacket and the rest of my gear down to just my undershirt and pants, getting more nervous the worse the contractions got.
“Probie, listen to me,” Tasha instructed and I caught her eyes, “Stop thinking about them. We have the same training as they do, the only thing they have that we don’t is drugs. There’s nothing they can do for her that you can’t. You can do this.”
I knew in a sense she was placating me. Paramedics were better trained than us when it came to this kind of thing, and she was more aware than anyone how much I disliked this part of the job.
“Okay,” I nodded, patting Gina on the knee. Within mere moments I was guiding her through childbirth. I wondered briefly if my father, or uncle, had ever been in this situation. Were they ever playing catcher to a pregnant woman in the backseat of a car? I never imagined it. I was covered in blood and Lord knows what else up to my elbows, and there were fluids I didn’t know existed coming my way but this was my job and I chose it.
I didn’t even notice the flashing lights of the ambulance as I instructed Gina to push one final time and suddenly I was holding a small, bloody, gooey, slimy, mess of a baby in my arms.
“It’s a girl,” I told her with a smile. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I looked up again and smiled at Gina and in a flash there was a medic there taking over and pushing me out of the way.
I knew I shouldn’t be jealous but I almost wanted to tell them to piss off, and let me finish what I’d started. I used my shirt and some snow to get most of the blood off my arms as I walked dejectedly to the truck.
Brian and Don were going to be okay and were being loaded into one bus while Gina and her new baby were being set up on a gurney to go into the second.
“Wait!” I heard the woman call out and I glanced back toward her to see what the matter was.
“She wants you,” a paramedic told me and I pointed to myself with a questioning glance before heading back over.
“You saved my life and my baby’s life” Gina said, her face still flushed from all the work she’d done, “If you hadn’t...”
“You don’t need to thank me,” I interrupted modestly; “It’s my job.”
“I don’t even know your name,” she said, holding the now swaddled baby in her arms.
I smiled and touched her hand quickly, “It’s Nick. My name is Nick.”
“Nick,” she repeated, looking down to the baby as if asking for approval, “Nicole. I think she’ll like it.”
“Really,” I shook my head, “You don’t need to do that.”
“It’s the least I could do,” Gina interrupted, “She wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. Thank you.”
“Take care of her,” I told her with a smile before letting the paramedics load her into the ambulance.
“Probie you are in so much shit,” I heard and a chill ran down my spine before turning to see Brian staring at me from the other bus while someone wrapped a splint around his arm.
“Lieu! I’m so glad you’re okay!” I grinned sheepishly.
“I told you not to leave the house!” he snapped at me, his blue eyes blazing.
“It’s good to see you too,” I deflected, slapping the side of the bus to let them know they were good to go. He’d get over it eventually once he realized that we’d probably saved his life. That or he’d kill me regardless.
We packed up our stuff, reloaded the truck and let the police take over the scene. Once the people had been cleared out, and there was no longer a potential for fire then our work was done. The hospital would now take care of the people and the police would clean up the rest of the mess.
It was a quiet drive back to the firehouse. Every now and then I glanced at Tasha, wondering what she was thinking about how things had turned out.
Once we’d come to a stop it was time to file out and I thought about how good it was going to feel to lay down.
“Good job tonight Nick,” Alex said and my jaw nearly dropped, “You did everything right. I couldn’t have done it better myself”
“Thank you,” I replied genuinely. I didn’t even realize he knew my name.
He set off a chain reaction throughout the house, people clapping me on the back and congratulating me on a job well done. What made me feel the most pride was that I never heard that silly word; not one of them called me “Probie”. It was as if I’d finally earned my name back.
No one could have wiped the grin off my face as I followed everyone toward the door upstairs.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Alex stopped me, holding up a hand, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To get a shower and go to bed?” I asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow.
The other man laughed and shook his head at me, “I don’t think so buddy! All that equipment is not going to put itself away. Not to mention the truck is covered in salt and dirt. You still have work to do, my friend!”
I was sure they must be kidding me when I heard laughter but as it turns out they weren’t laughing with me.
“I’m covered in blood!” I tried to excuse myself for some warm water and clean clothes but all I got in return was the uniform that I had abandoned as we’d gone on the call dumped on my head as someone passed me.
With a sigh I pulled off the white undershirt and started to change, heading back towards the desk for a moment. Sitting there next to the phone was the present I had been opening before we’d left. I smiled and picked it up, pulling the bow off the top. The penguin wrapping paper soon followed and I was cracking open the small box.
There were three things in the box. Lying on a bed of tissue paper was two metal badges and I smiled. Since the end of my probation we’d been waiting for my cap badge. It was what would identify my rank (both on my helmet and forage cap) as Firefighter 1st Class, no longer a Firefighter Candidate. I ran my thumb over the Engine number and set it down on the counter before pulling the third item out of the box.
It was a ticket, a ticket to a hockey game.
“The Blackhawks are playing the Bruins,” she said and I turned to look at Tasha with a smile.
“I’m not a Boston fan,” I told her, silently wondering why she would have only given me one ticket.
“No,” she agreed with a smile, “But I am...Merry Christmas, Nick.”
“Merry Christmas,” I replied, feeling for the first time in a long time that maybe Christmas wasn’t so bad after all.
“Now get to work,” she barked playfully and I grinned.
“Yes ma’am,” I said, watching her head back up the stairs before I got to work cleaning up everyone’s mess.
I watched the snow as I put away equipment and cleaned up messes, and thought of little Nicole. I guess Santa did bring me a pretty girl after all. Now, if only I had that egg nog.
