“Brian, it’s time to wake up.”
I stirred, expecting to bed in bed. Instead, I was on the side of the road as the rain poured heavily upon them. A blonde woman stood a ways in the distance, watching me with an odd expression upon her face. She looked to be somewhere within her mid to late thirties, maybe even early forties if I was forced to guess. Her clothes stuck to her skin as a result of their downpour, but even so I could tell they were more of a high end in terms of design. Her hair was long, and wavy, a typical bottle blonde color, and sticking to her face.
She watched me as I rose from the slippery asphalt. I glanced behind me to see a completely totaled vehicle only feet away. It was a 2010 Jeep Patriot, though I wasn’t sure how I knew that. I wasn’t sure of anything, really. It was a dark blue and turned over on its head, the windows shattered and blood could be seen along the spider web cracks of the front window. I touched my forehead, pulling my hand away only to see blood. Had I been in the car when it crashed? Then why was I out here?
“What?” Was all I said aloud.
“Brian, you need to stop this, you know you do. Hiding won’t change anything. It only causes more pain.”
I approached her. There was something so familiar about her. Something that called to me, beckoned to me. I felt the urge to wrap her in my embrace and never let go. A yearning to do so almost overcame me. I felt so confused, yet there was something so right about it all. My foot lifted, almost to walk over. Still, I hesitated.
“You can’t.” She said, as if she could hear my thoughts and musings as well.
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t be with me now. But that doesn’t mean you can’t go back and be with them, or someone new. Brian, you have to come back. They need you, all of them. Especially…” She turned away from me then, keeping her back to me instead.
“Come back where?”
“It’s time to wake up Brian…”
“Wait!” I yelled as her image faded into the night, bolts of lightning brightening up everything around them in stark and random flashes. I felt myself flying back into the car, propelled by some brute force. I was suddenly blinded by a set of lights from a source I couldn’t quite place.
“Brian…it’s time to wake up.”
“Brian? Do you hear me?”
“Brian…”
I never even thought to ask why she was calling me Brian.
The alarm blared annoying from the nightstand beside my bed. My hand slammed the snooze button as I blinked slowly. They half opened, taking in my surroundings. Same pale blue walls, same simple furniture I bought at a garage sale and painted white. I was within the same waterbed I got at that same sale for only eighty bucks. The soft pseudo-silk sheets comforted me as I regained my bearings.
I wasn’t in the middle of the road.
I wasn’t stuck in the rain.
I was alone.
I stretched and rubbed my head tiredly. It wasn’t the first of those sorts of dreams, but this one had been more vivid than any of the others. I could almost feel the rain pouring down my skin, even then, when I was still pretty snug inside my bed. I could still feel the pain of her not being there with me, whoever she was. I have no idea. She’s been in every dream though, with that same sad smile, every single time.
This was the first time she talked to me though, called me by a name. A name that wasn’t mine, obviously, but still the woman in the dream was addressing me. Maybe this all goes back to the memories that are still so fuzzy for me? I’m no doctor, and so I have no idea. I only wish someone had the answers.
Even if that person isn’t me.
****
Later that day found me with an apple pie in my hand and over at Carlie’s front door. I’m no master at cooking, in fact I think most of the time I used to eat out. There’s not the most selection here in Tristan da Cunha. It’s mainly cozy diners; well the two restaurants actually here are cozy little diners. Because of that, I’m working on my cooking skills.
Maybe I can invite Carlie over to help me?
Also, this is a nice throwback to the day I met her, I’m hoping this will make her smile. I made it yesterday, hoping maybe I can get that tour I was supposed to get last week. Unluckily for me, I got called in to the factory since someone called out. Good for my paycheck I supposed, but not good for my relationship I’d like to have actually exist.
I feel like I’m still just a teenager when I say that. I wish I could’ve found someone before now, instead of still looking at age thirty-eight. I almost walked away, I could feel my breath quickening, my throat tightened. My nerves had me almost shaking to the point where I dropped the pie that I didn’t even know was edible or not. I hated these anxiety attacks, they started around the time the dreams did.
Maybe they’re related?
“Brendan!” Carlie greeted as she opened the door. I hadn’t even managed to knock yet, instead, I was standing there with the goofiest grin on my face. She must’ve been heading out and I got lucky.
“Hey. I was just about to knock…or maybe just stand here with a pie all day.” I grinned. “I was hoping to pick up that rain check on the tour? I come bringing…well I’m not quite sure it’s desert but we can go on an adventure and find out together?”
She laughed, her nose scrunching in the cutest way. I got the sudden urge to kiss it. I was actually about to, to hell with everything else! At that very realization, I felt the pie fly out of my hands. Suddenly the air I’d been fighting for during my last attack, abandoned me completely. I struggled to breathe; I felt my heart that had been operated on back when I was a teenager attempt to burst through my chest.
Then, there was nothing.
