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I'm not too young
And I'm not too old

-Aaron Carter 'Not Too Young'


For whatever reason, Brian's declaration that he and Leighanne were about to start a family really pissed me the hell off.

I stewed about it all day, all night and into the next day when our family was sitting around the dinner table at his mom's house.

I cut into my chicken and glared at it. Brian was sitting across from me, laughing and talking and looking generally happy. I don't even know what I was so angry about. I felt sort of like Nick, like I was just pissed off at the world for no other reason than to be pissed off and in a shit mood.

I'd never admit that out loud though, and I'd certainly never admit that to him.

Kristin reached over and touched my arm lightly. I looked at her and she just smiled. Instantly I felt a little better. Not a lot, but a little. Like it wasn't so bad and that my cousin acting like he didn't have any responsibilities outside of his fucking marriage wasn't my problem.

Even though it was my problem, because any shit going on with the group was instantly my problem. I don't know how I became the leader of the group, probably because I'm the oldest.

Or probably because I always need to have control over every situation. Again, never going to admit that out loud.

I shoved a piece of chicken into my mouth and chewed on it, staring at Brian. Did he even realise we were on a break? Did he know that we were planning to go back on tour and this perfect southern family ideal that he held wasn't real? He wasn't just a guy living in Atlanta with his wife. He had responsibilities that went far beyond the stage or the recording studio.

“Hey Brian,” I said after I swallowed my chicken.

He turned to look at me, his eyebrow was raised but he still had that goofy look on his face. What an act – and a shitty one.

“Can I talk you to in the kitchen for a second?” Everyone was still eating, but I didn't care. Most of the people at the table stopped talking and looked at the two of us.

“Uh,” Brian laughed a little bit, wiping his mouth with his cloth napkin. “We're in the middle of dinner, Kev...”

I glanced around at everyone. Right, I knew that. And getting up in the middle of dinner wasn't exactly the most polite thing to do. I just didn't care.

And obviously Jackie could sense that something was wrong. She'd probably been able to tell that something was wrong between the two of us the whole time that we were there. “Oh, don't worry about it,” she laughed, waving her hand. “It's not like it's a formal supper or anything,” she smiled, looking at me and then over at her son.

Brian sighed, but he stood up. He was probably hoping that his mom was going to bail him out of having to talk to me.

Leighanne reached up and touched his arm, giving him a sympathetic look. Oh come on, Leighanne. It's just a talk, I wasn't planning to kill him. She really got on my nerves sometimes.

I followed Brian out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

~~~


Why Kevin felt the need to interrupt our dinner to have a little chat, I'll never understand. But that guy can never just wait. Everything has to be solved right at the moment he decides it has to be solved and not a moment later.

“Well?” I asked, once we were in the kitchen and out of earshot. I placed my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

He gave me a look. One of his signature unimpressed Kevin looks. I didn't know why I was getting one – I hadn't done anything! It wasn't like I was doing cocaine or sleeping with every girl under the sun. If Kevin was pissed off because of the group, I wasn't the person he needed to be directing his lecture at.

“You should go visit AJ in transitional care,” he said, still giving me a look.

I rolled my eyes. I probably shouldn't have and I know that wasn't a great reaction. It probably just pissed him off more, and maybe that was what I wanted to do. “You interrupted dinner for that?” I asked him with a bit of an annoyed laugh.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding his head like it actually was that important. I guess it was, but it could have waited an hour. Really, Kevin.

I shuffled a bit. “I visited him in rehab,” I said bluntly. It wasn't an excuse, and I really did want to see AJ. But him being in transitional care meant that we were going to be back on tour soon and I wasn't ready for that. I was never going to admit that, but Kevin probably knew it. That was probably part of the reason he was so pissed off.

I was sort of just ready to move on from all of it, which was a scary thought to have.

“I know,” Kevin nodded. Of course he knew, he was there. Unlike someone else. Someone else who probably should have visited AJ to scare him straight. Someone else who probably should have gone to visit him in transitional care to see the change in AJ that I'd already seen when I went to Arizona. “Everyone else has already been to see him.”

Oh. Way to make me feel guilty, Kevin. Even though I really didn't need to because like I already said, I went to visit him in rehab. I nodded my head to show Kevin that I was listening to him, because otherwise he was just going to repeat himself in a more pissed off way.

“Come back to LA with me tomorrow,” he said quietly.

I shrugged. Leighanne and I already had our plane tickets home, not that that mattered.

“Leighanne can come too,” he continued.

I gave him a look. Well thanks Kevin. How gracious of you to say that my wife could go with me somewhere. But we did have a place in LA, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided that was what he meant.

“Yeah,” I sighed. I knew I had to go visit AJ. Couldn't I just go to LA early instead of going back now? It wasn't like we had a lot of time left on the break. “Okay,” I agreed, because I knew it'd get Kevin off my back. And I really did want to go see AJ. To see how much progress he'd made since I'd seen him in Arizona.

Kevin nodded at me, placing a firm hand on my shoulder before walking out of the kitchen.

I sighed and stood there for a second before following him. I guess it was time to face the fact that it was time to return to real life soon.

~~~


Fucking Teen Choice awards. This was such bullshit. I know, I know. It's the opportunity of a lifetime and there are so many people who would kill to be able to perform an an awards show with such high ratings.

That doesn't make it not bullshit, though. Those people don't know what the fuck they're talking about. A lot of people who wish they were famous don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

But that doesn't have anything to do with the Teen Choice Awards. Actually, it had everything to do with the Teen Choice Awards, and the Kid's Choice Awards and the fucking American Music Awards and the MTV Video Awards and basically everything except for the fucking Grammys.

Anyway.

My brother ate it all up. He played up the crowd like he always did, bouncing around the stage with the same energy that I used to have. Sometimes I thought he was more of a ham than I was. His little stage routine was lame, though. And he really should have used the backing track because I cringed when his voice cracked all over the place.

I didn't lean on the backing track at all and unlike him I didn't need to, because I'm fucking awesome like that. Awesome enough to sing live at the god damn Teen Choice Awards. Because let's be honest, no one who's watching that gives two shits about the quality of the music. If they did, they wouldn't be watching the fucking Teen Choice Awards.

My mom was sitting in the front row, sunglasses on and everything as she watched us. Anyone watching at home probably thought that she was proud. She wasn't fucking proud, she was counting her fucking cash in her head.

Not my cash, I was taking my cut of this performance home and she wouldn't see a god damn dime.

Throw your hands up now, let the music take control,” I sang, throwing my arm around my brother as we strutted down the stage. This song was shit, but I was cool.

The crowd was flipping their shit, they always did. Aaron and I ran through it, singing and playing it up for the cameras. Go big or go home, and I was going to be going home after this.

Or at least back to Howie's house. Close enough, I guess.

When our performance was over, I was out of there. I pulled that gay scarf off of my head and threw it on the ground as I walked.

“Nick!” Aaron chased after me. Get lost, Aaron. I unbuttoned my shirt as I kept walking towards our dressing room. I don't even know what I was so pissed off about, I just wanted to get out of there. It was so kiddish and lame and yeah I know Backstreet Boys concerts aren't the most musically mature place to be, but it was a hell of a lot better than this shit.

“Nick!” Aaron called again. I looked back and he was waving his hand. “Where're you going, bro?”

“Home,” I said shortly, stepping into our shared dressing room.

“Out?” he asked hopefully, his eyes wide. Yeah Aaron, like I'm going to take you clubbing with me. Go make out with Hilary and get off my back. Come on!

“Home,” I repeated, not able to take that stupid outfit off fast enough. I tossed it into the corner – the stylists or whoever could deal with the mess.

“Take me with you,” he pleaded.

I sighed. For a second I really did want to take him back to Howie's place with me. Because he was probably going to have to go with mom after, and I really didn't want him to have to. Lord knows half the reason I wanted to get out of there so quick was so I wouldn't have to deal with her.

“Can't, going back to Howie's.”

Aaron pouted as I pulled my t-shirt on over my head. “Sorry, bro,” I said, shaking my head and hightailing it out of there.

~~~


The front door slammed and I looked up from my book. Sometimes it was nice to just have a quiet evening inside with a good book.

Nick stomped into the house and ruined all of that, though.

“Hey,” I said, smiling at him. He just glared at me. Great, thanks Nick. But I tried not to act too annoyed. He was probably in a mood because he had to spend the evening dealing with his mother and brother. I'd probably be cranky too if I had to spend more than ten minutes with Jane Carter.

He just grunted and kicked his shoes off.

“Rough night?” I asked.

He gave me a look. His mouth was turned down and his eyebrows were arched in annoyance. Yet another sign that he'd probably had some kind of encounter with his mother. Or that he'd merely looked at her.

But he actually sat down on the couch instead of going to up to his room to sulk. And I figured it was another bonus that he was actually here instead of out at some bar drinking his sorrows away.

But I knew Nick. Even if he wouldn't admit it, he probably just wanted to sit with someone who he knew cared about him.

“What're you reading?” he asked instead of answering my question. Though I supposed that said it all.

I looked at the cover of the book. “American Gods,” I said, showing it to him. “You should read it, it's really good.”

He shrugged.

“It's not about God,” I laughed, because I knew that was what he was probably thinking.

He ignored me. “I'm going back home tomorrow,” he said, going off onto yet another subject.

I sighed. Maybe he was looking to just sulk after all. “You don't have to do that,” I told him. I didn't want him to do that – and we were so close to going back on tour. There was no reason for him to spend a week in Florida by himself.

He shrugged again. “Night, Howie,” he said, getting up and walking up to his room.

I just watched him go and didn't try to stop him. What could I do? If he wanted to sulk, he'd sulk. I'd already tried my best to be there for him and whatever he was going through. There was only a week left. If he wanted to spend it holed up in Florida drowning in his sorrows, that was fine. We'd be back out on the road soon enough.
Chapter End Notes:
Sorry for taking so long to update. But that won't happen anymore! The story is finished now, and will continue to update on Saturdays and Wednesdays :)

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