-- Three Weeks Later --
"You're kidding."
"Of course I'm not kidding!"
"How's she taking it?"
I sighed. "Let's just say not well."
"You better be careful. She might hire a hitman to off you on the cruise."
I snorted. "You'll protect me won't you?"
Bri made a noise that almost sounded like a quack. "That's Lauren's job." He got serious. "Of course you're also probably going to deal with Kevin's wrath."
"It's none of his business," I said angrily.
"When you're in a relationship with someone, things tend to become your business whether you like it or not."
I knew Bri was right; I just didn't like that he was right. I stood up and shifted the phone to my other ear.
"I've got to go meet them at the airport."
"Is she going to stay in town while you have him?"
"For the whole weekend," I said.
"Good luck," Bri said omniously.
"Thanks."
I hung up, grabbed my coffee and coat and headed towards the door. Just as I walked out, Lauren pulled up. I could see the grocery bags in her backseat. She rolled down her passenger side window and leaned over.
"Are you going now?" she asked. I nodded. She gave me a smile that did a lot to calm the nervousness bubbling up in my stomach.
"Love you. See you both when you get back."
I smiled. "Love you too."
As Lauren stepped out of the car, I got into mine. I saw her grab a couple bags of groceries as I backed out of the drive. Then I was on my way.
After my short trip in Chicago, I took Lauren's advice and talked to a lawyer. The wheels of justice move pretty fast when you're a celebrity; especially when some mag finds out that you've got a love child floating around. As a preliminary measure, I was granted my first weekend alone with Jake. After the holidays, we'd meet in court for the judge to help us figure out a better arrangement.
Even though it was just a few days after Thanksgiving, it was pretty nice in Nashville. We had only seen a few flecks of snowflakes. Chicago had already gotten a lot of snow; I'd checked. I'd also checked to make sure there were no flight delays Shay could use as an excuse.
The airport was crowded with people flying back home from their Thanksgiving visits. I tossed up my hood and tucked my chin in my scarf. The good people of Tennessee didn't care as much about me as they would, say, Tim McGraw, but I still wanted to evade detection if I could.
For the first time in my life, I was actually on time. I watched the list of arrivals and depatures. When Chicago appeared I smiled.
I heard Jake before I actually saw him. His voice was unmistakably loud and excited.
"I need to show daddy my wings! And my new jammies and toofbrush and my GROWLY WOWLY DINOSAUW!"
A couple businessmen darted to the left and I finally saw him. He looked part eskimo. He had on a red jacket lined with dark brown fur. He was busy puffing at it.
Shay saw me first. The look on her face said it all. I could see the puffiness around her eyes. She seemed to cling tighter to Jake's hand. The motion caused him to stop blowing. He looked right at me and smiled.
"HI!"
I laughed. "Hey Jake. Welcome to Tennessee."
He dropped Shay's hand and ran at me. I scooped him up and he hugged me tightly. "I brought my toofbrush! It's blue."
I smiled. "I can't wait to see it."
Shay walked much more slowly towards me. She ran a hand over his back.
"Where are you staying?" I asked.
"The Ramada," she said tonelessly. She handed me Jake's large duffel bag. I jostled it onto my shoulder.
"I can drop you off," I offered. She shook her head.
"That's okay."
"Do you want to come over to my house on Sunday to get him or do you want to meet at the airport?"
Her forehead creased. I hated that she was in agony. Even so, Lauren and I both agreed that Jake needed to get to know us. We were his family too.
"I'll think about it," she said.
"Do you want me to get you a cab?" I asked.
"No. I can handle it."
At this point, Jake's head swiveled around. He looked at Shay in confusion. "Where are we going mommy?"
Shay's face turned red. She reached out and took his hand.
"Remember?" she said. Her voice was unusually high. "I told you that you get to spend a couple days with your dad. Mommy's got a big meeting."
I knew that was bullshit. I also knew that it was her tactic so Jake didn't think she was just abandoning him.
Jake looked worried. "Who will give me a bath?"
Shay's eyes were growing moist. I was feeling like a giant douche. This wasn't good.
"Nick--daddy will," she said. "Give me a kiss, sweetie."
Jake puckered and gave her a noisy smack. Her eyes closed and she took a step back as if yanking apart the invisible chain that was keeping the two of them connected.
"Be good," she said. "I love you."
Before I could stop her, she took off through the airport. Jake's face crumpled.
"MOMMY!" he wailed.
I don't know how long I spent in the coffee shop at the airport. I know that I sat partially blocked by a large magazine rack, but not so hidden that I couldn't see Nick walk past with Jake crying in his arms. I buried my face in my hands and bawled.
When I had received the phone call from Nick's lawyer, I hadn't been surprised. Still, it was like my nightmares had come alive. For the last two weeks I had plodded through paperwork, met with lawyers, and kept only half a mind on my actual job during the day.
It was hard to explain to Jake what was happening when I couldn't even accept it. Kevin had been so busy at work that even though he was in the same city, I couldn't even unload my troubles onto him.
My heart and mind felt like it had been shattered in a million pieces. My imagination kept picturing Jake at Nick's house, being spoiled and introduced to the life where money didn't matter. Lauren would probably do whatever she could so that Jake would like her - not that it would take much. Jake liked everyone. He'd probably come back to me and talk endlessly about how gorgeous his daddy's girlfriend was.
After awhile, the coffee grew cold and I was tired of publicly bursting into tears. I got a taxi and headed to the Ramada. I had big plans. I was going to stay in my room the entire weekend and empty the mini fridge of all the tiny little liquor bottles they had. I wasn't much of a drinker, but if ever I needed to forget a weekend, this was the time.
The room I had rented had seen better days. Ramada's are pretty nice hotels, but it still seemed dull and depressing. I pulled the shades back from the window and looked out at my view.
Nothing but asphalt. I was facing the parking lot.
It was Friday night and I was alone. I never realized just how much of my life a three-year old occupied until I didn't have him around. I turned on TV and pretended to watch. I downed my first little alcoholic beverage. It burned in the pit of my stomach.
Jake was going to be with Nick sixty hours. Only three had past. I felt like I had aged a hundred years. I needed a distraction, but I was feeling too sad and pathetic to try to formulate a plan. I closed my eyes and rolled over on my side.
I would have given anything if I could have gone back in time and stopped Jake from bumping into Nick. I know everyone says a boy needs his father, but in reality a mother needs her son.
Especially when he's the only thing she has.
