Jake cried and whimpered most of the way home. I kept up an endless stream of chatter, hoping to distract him, but for once his mind was stuck on being away from Shay.
"Look, there's one of my doggies!" I said. I slowed the car down and pointed out the window. Jake's face was already pressed to the back passenger window. His feet had kept smacking into his booster seat the entire ride. He sniffled.
"Doggie," he whispered.
I was glad to have another thing to ramble about. I got out of the car and opened the passenger door. Jake looked at me and let out another snot-filled sniffle. I scooped him up and grabbed his duffel bag out of the car. He buried his face in my shoulder.
"Maybe you and me can take doggie for a walk tonight," I said. I felt like a stupid ass. My doggie had a name after all."
"His name's Silas," I added.
Jake's knee pressed into my gut. I winced. I headed in the direction of the kitchen. The sounds of pots and pans moving around told me that was where I would find Lauren.
"We're here!" I said happily. I hoped my enthusiasm would rub off. I put his duffel on the table.
Lauren turned around and wiped her hands on a dish towel. Jake pulled away and looked at Lauren. She smiled.
"Hi Jake," she said softly. "I'm Lauren."
Jake totally face planted back into my shoulder. Lauren looked at me.
"We had a little meltdown at the airport," I said quietly. "He didn't want to leave S-h-a- y."
"He's just scared," she said. "Why don't you show him his room? I'll finish up dinner."
I grabbed Jake's bag and headed up the stairs. "I know this is all really different," I said. "But we're going to have a lot of fun. When you see mommy on Sunday you're going to have tons to tell her."
Jake whined. I opened the door leading into his bedroom.
"This is your room," I said. "You told me you love Cars, didn't you? Look at your bed. You'll get to sleep in Lightning McQueen!"
I had said the magic words. Jake lifted his head and stared at the red bed that I had scooped up the moment Lauren and I walked into one of the swanky kids boutiques we raided in order to make sure we had everything we needed.
"Lightning McQween?" Jake said. He tossed his head back and sniffled. I put him down on the ground. He clung to my hand but I managed to walk him over to it. He put his hand on the mattress and squished.
"VRRRROOOM!" I said in my deeper 'motorcar' voice. Jake looked up at me and gave me a watery smile.
I considered that MAJOR progress. While Jake walked around and looked at all the stuff we had bought - clothes, toys, the bed, a TV - I put the stuff in his duffel away. Jake peered out the window. I had never seen him so quiet.
"Are you hungry?"
He stuck his fingers in his mouth and seemed to consider the question. He nodded. I smiled.
"Let's go see what Lauren made us," I suggested. Jake talked around his fingers.
"Who's dat giwl?"
I was prepared for that one. I sank down beside him. "You know how your mommy has her special friend, Blake? Well Lauren is my special friend. She's really nice."
Jake didn't look so sure. He looked exhausted.
"Let's go have dinner. Afterwards we'll watch a little TV and play with my doggie Silas. Tomorrow we've got a BIG fun day planned. Sound good?"
Jake wrapped an arm around my leg. His shaggy blonde head bounced up and down. I scooped him back up and made my way back downstairs to the kitchen.
"You're just in time," Lauren said. I had to give her credit, she was really trying. Jake was back to burying his head in my shoulder. "I made pigs in a blanket. Have you had those before?"
I patted Jake's back. He lifted his head and stared at the cookie sheet filled with hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls.
"Piggies?" he said curiously. Lauren pig-snorted. She had the hottest pig-snort I had ever heard. The corners of Jake's mouth twitched.
Things got better after the snort broke the ice. Lauren taught Jake how to mix ketchup and mustard together to make piggy sauce. Jake seemed thrilled that he got to play with his food. By the end of lunch, Jake was back to his normal self.
"I bring-ded new jammies and my toofbrush and my GROWLY WOWLY DINOSAUW!" he told Lauren. She was leaning in close to him, her chin cupped in her palm. She smiled.
"Do you want to show me?" she asked. Jake nodded. Lauren pointed at his plate. "Eat one more piggy."
Jake picked up his last crescent dog. Lauren sat back and looked at me.
"Nick," she said. I had never heard her sound so mushy. "He's adorable."
I grinned. "Tell me about it."
The little drinks in the fridge packed a pretty good punch. I stopped crying after about the fourth bottle. I called Kevin after I had finished the sixth. He answered right away.
"Hey, I was thinking about you," he said. "How are you doing?"
"I miss him," I whined. I sank back into my pillows.
"I know the feeling," Kevin said gently. The alcohol had hit that part of the brain that made random thoughts come to mind. As I heard his low voice, I couldn't help but think that if his acting gig didn't work out that he could make a zillion dollars doing phone sex.
"What are you going to do with your time?" he continued. I blinked in confusion. Something told me I had zoned out for a minute or two.
"My time?" I asked. I held the little bottle by the neck and twirled it. If I had been sober I would have lied. I was a horrible, truthful drunk. "I'm gonna stay in bed, drink the mini fridge dry, and feel sorry for myself," I blurted.
"Shay, go out and do something nice for yourself. You deserve it."
I snorted. "I don't know something nice," I said.
"Shay, how much have you had to drink already?" Kev asked. He sounded amused.
"Just a few itty-bittle litty bottles," I said. My tongue seemed to curl up in my mouth.
"Honey, get some sleep."
"I'm not tired."
"Trust me, I'm sure you will be in a little bit."
I let out a sigh. "I suck at life."
"You don't suck at life. Sweet dreams."
"Tweet seams," I mumbled. I disconnected and rolled over on my side. The seventh bottle was staring at me, unopened. It just seemed like too far of a reach.
"Stay thirsty my friends," I said in my best Mexican accent. My eyes drifted shut.
I wasn't tired. But the wavy walls were beginning to hurt my head.
I thought about Jake. The nurture part of me hoped he was smiling and well-fed and having fun. The nature part of me wanted to drive to Nick Carter's, claw open the door with my nails, grab Jake's shirt like a momma tiger picks up her cub, and run back to Chicago.
The drunk part of me fell asleep.
