"We need to talk."
I rubbed neck. "Yeah, I knew that was coming."
We both stared at the couch. It seemed like forbidden territory. We looked at the floor.
We ended up in the kitchen. Jake was asleep, snuggled into fresh sheets. The rumble of the washer created background noise that was just one level below distracting.
"That shouldn't have happened," Shay started.
"I know," I said quickly. "It was the wine and the atmosphere..."
"And the conversation," she agreed.
"Shay..."
"It's our little secret," she finished. My jaw tensed.
It was a little secret that somehow felt unfinished. I know what you're thinking. I was engaged. What Shay and I had experienced was one quick time years ago.
And yet it totally wasn't that simple. Shay and I were finally getting to know each other. I liked what we were sharing. Besides, it's hard to see the mother of your child nuturing, loving, and giving and not feel something.
I might have been a cold-hearted bastard before, but I wasn't now.
"And how," I said slowly. "Are we going to keep it from happening again?"
Shay's eyes widened.
"You and Lauren are perfect for each other," she said quietly. "I don't want you to throw that away on a 'what-if.'"
"You're a 'what-if' that is going to be a part of my life forever. We're stuck with each other," I said. I smiled softly.
"You're right. Which is why we also have to think about Jake. He's okay with us not being together."
"It's because he's never known anything else," I argued.
We lapsed into silence. I had a feeling we weren't going to come to a middle ground. At least not tonight.
"Is that why you acted the way you did towards Kevin?" she asked. I pushed my chair back.
"What do you mean?"
"You seemed..."
"Jealous?" I guessed. She nodded.
"I'm a jealous person," I said. "Consider it one of my bad traits." I stood up and stretched.
"You're leaving?" Shay guessed.
"I think we need to sleep on this," I said.
"Yeah, we probably do."
"See you tomorrow?" I asked. Shay shook her head.
"Let's give it a few days."
I frowned. "But what about the gym and--"
Shay smiled. "I do know where the gym is. I'll go."
I was smart enough not to argue. I wrapped my hand around her shoulder and squeezed. "Keep up the good work," I said. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Shay sighed.
She was still hunched over the table as I let myself out.
I was a woman of my word. The next morning I woke up early and went to the gym before work. Jake wasn't used to getting up at such a ridiculous time; he crawled right into a tube in the playroom and fell asleep.
The gym was fairly empty. I went about my routine, the whole time thinking about Nick.
If this was a fairy tale, Nick and I would fall deep in love and live happily ever with Jake and another two-point-five children.
But it wasn't a fairy tale. It was confusing. I didn't know how I felt about him. Attracted? Yes. Sentimental? Totally.
I was giving the eliptical a hell of a beating, mumbling about blondes and blue eyes when I heard a shriek that made me freeze.
"SHAY SHAY?"
I slowed to a stop and stepped off the machine lest I succumb to distress and fall right off the damn thing. I forced a smile before I turned.
My sister Francie was standing there in head to toe spandex, her hands on her practically nonexistant hips, her boobs quivering out to 'there' and her eyes wide.
"You're back!"
"Yeah..." I said unenthusiastically.
"For how long?"
"A little while."
"Where's my nephie-poo?"
Ugh. The last thing I wanted was Jake practically suffocated by silicone.
"In the playroom."
Francie clapped her hands. "I've got to see him before you leave!" She paused. "What are you doing at the gym?"
I bit the inside of my cheek. "I'm working out."
She gave me a smile, the type of smile you use when you just want to humor someone. "Good for you."
Any semblance of the sister who gave me the pep-talk before I went on that ill-forgotten weight-loss show was gone. She was quickly taking mom's place as the lead actress on Heartbeat. She was L.A.
"Well, are you done?" she asked. "I want to see Jack and then run on the tread before I head to set."
I wanted to scream. It took everything in me not too. "It's Jake."
"Oops. I'm sorry. It's just me and mom never see him."
Guilt trip. Feeling a little like Quasimodo, I lead the way to the playroom.
Jake was sitting on a yoga mat sipping an apple juice. His face lit up when he saw me.
"Hey mommy! You're still sweaty!"
My son...the ever astute owl. I laughed. "Mommy's still got to shower. But someone wants to see you. Remember Aunt Francie?"
I knew for a fact Jake didn't remember Francie. He looked at her in confusion. She ran in and squatted down next to him. The spandex showed serious ass-crack. That brightened my day.
"You are just adorable!" Francie gushed. She pinched his cheek; Jake made a priceless face. "Oh, Shay, he looks NOTHING like you!"
Arrow. Straight through the heart. Jake scooted back, sucking on his apple juice again.
"I look wike my daddy," he said quietly. "I'm nice like my mommy."
Kid-speak for 'You're NOT nice, lady.'
"Of course you are!" Francie said, not realizing that she had just gotten burned. "Shay's always been the nice one."
With that, Francie bounced back up. She turned and gave me a light hug.
"You've got to stop by the set."
NO! "I really can't," I said aloud. "I have work and--"
"Lunch time. Be there. I'll tell mom."
Francie-speak for 'If you don't come, mom will hunt you and her grandson down.'
"Okay. Just for a few minutes," I said. Francie giggled.
"Awesome. Later!"
She bounced out of the room. A second later Jake tugged at my oversized shirt.
"Mommy, that lady was nuts."
I laughed. Leave it to Jake. I knelt down and kissed his cheek. "I totally agree. I'll be back in a minute, okay?"
Jake nodded. "Otay! Don't forget dog-ow-do-want!"
"Deodorant. Check," I said. I noticed the playroom supervisor by the refrigerator. Her shoulders were shaking.
If there was one thing I could say about Jake, it would be that he was always a surprise.
Just like his dad.
