"You kissed her?"
"It was a weak moment. We were having a mature conversation about Jake and we had a little wine--"
"You drank with her?"
Lauren was freaking out more than she had when I told her I had a son. I mean, I didn't blame her. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I'm not perfect. And I had messed up big time. You don't kiss another woman when you have a fiancee.
"We both agreed it wouldn't happen again," I said with frustration.
"I was afraid of this," Lauren said angrily.
"Is that why you're back early?"
The silent 'yes' seemed to be dancing in invisible air particles around us. Laur took a deep breath.
"I shouldn't have to be jealous," she said quietly.
"You're right," I agreed. "But I don't understand why you've never been jealous until now."
"You've never given me a reason to be," she answered.
We both knew that was a lie. In the beginning, when I didn't know squat about committed relationships, I had cheated on her. Yet, she had stuck by me.
This was different.
"Fine," she said after a long pause. "Shay is different. And ya wanna know why? She's different because she has Jake. And no matter what, Jake is always going to be the bridge between you two. The friggin' Grand Canyon could seperate the two of you--"
"And Jake's always going to close the divide," I finished.
"Exactly."
I watched silently as Lauren slipped off her ring. She held it out, her eyes filled with sadness.
"You don't know what you want yet," she said quietly. "I just want you to be man enough to tell me that to my face."
Shit. I didn't do this stuff well. I stared at the diamond sparkling back at me, unable to keep the tears out of my eyes.
"I'm scared because I don't know if there could be anything there with Shay. We never had a chance to test those waters. And yet, I already know there's something good between you and me and I don't want to lose a sure thing."
Lauren smiled. "When have you ever gone with the sure thing?"
"Maybe it's time to start."
Lauren shook her head. "Nick, take the ring."
"I don't want to fail again," I said strongly.
"You're not failing," she murmured. "I love you enough to want you happy. Let's give it six months. If it's still me, I'll be waiting. If it's not..."
I was ready for it. I was waiting for her to tell me that hell could freeze over before I'd see her again.
"If it's not, I want to be your friend."
I was blindsided. "My friend?" She laughed. "Yeah, a friend. You know, the type of human you talk to and share jokes but you don't have sex with?"
"Oh, yeah, one of those," I said awkwardly. "Can we do that?"
"We could try," she said.
I took the ring gingerly from her. "Can I ask you a question?"
She nodded. "Sure."
"Why am I not writhing on the ground in pain right now?"
She stepped close and hugged me tightly. The prong of the ring cut into my palm. "Because I've already spent a few days on a big ass boat thinking about this. And I realized that ever since this happened, we've been running on fast forward. Let's just slow down. Okay?"
I let out a sigh of relief. "Okay."
"And besides, there might be a slight chance I've had a few accidental flirtations with this guy that works at our gym..."
"What?!"
Being unemployed wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, I had only been unemployed for, oh, five hours, but I hadn't had a meltdown yet. That was a plus.
I actually felt relieved. I felt excited about the future. My positive outlook was telling me I was going to find something amazing to do. And soon.
Until then, my exuberance was filling me with good thoughts about my exercise routine. I smiled as I laced up my sneakers tightly. Nick had called; our jog through the park was still on. Jake was jumping around the park bench I was sitting on, watching the lights on his sneakers reflect off the bright green grass.
"Here comes daddy!" he announced.
Nick strolled towards us slowly. I was surprised Jake recognized him; the hoodie over his head and his baggy jogging pants made him look like anyone else. Or a mugger. Either way.
"You ready?" he asked. I hopped off the bench. "Ready."
Nick scooped Jake up. "Hold onto my neck, kiddo. It's gonna be a bumpy ride."
"There's trouble on the tracks!" Jake yelled happily.
I'm pretty sure Nick mumbled something about too much Thomas.
We started off slow and quiet. It took me a minute to remember that breathing out of my mouth was helpful. Once we got into a rhythm and Jake stopped screaming 'birds, stwaight ahead!' I felt like I could talk and jog simultaneously.
"So I had an interesting day," I said lightly.
"You too?"
"Too?"
"What happened with you?"
A few teenagers were playing volleyball with a net tied between two large trees. The sound of the hard leather hitting ready hands was cathartic.
"I got fired by Oprah," I said carelessly.
Nick stumbled, held fast to Jake, and kept up with me. "You what!?"
"I'm unemployed," I said.
"And this is a good thing?"
I laughed. "Totally. I have my trust fund and I'm not going to settle this time. I'm going to find my dream job."
"Like an ice cweam man!" Jake said. Nick laughed.
"What happened with you?" I asked.
Nick stopped laughing. I slowed; he slowed.
"Lauren came home early. Last night, in fact."
My heart sank. It was easy to be competitive over a guy when your competition was across the country.
"Did she wonder where you were?" I asked.
"Yup. So, I told her."
"And?"
Nick lifted Jake off his shoulders. We had neared the playground without me even realizing it.
"Wanna play?" Nick asked.
It was a stupid question. Jake was already eyeing the plank bridge. "Yeah!"
"Go for it. Mommy and I are gonna stand right here and watch you."
Jake took off. I kept an eye on him and turned back to Nick. He ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm no longer engaged," he said just as matter-of-factly as I had announced my firing. "And it's partly because of you."
"Should I be worried?"
Nick smiled. "Only if you don't want to take a chance."
The implications of that were too numerable to count. My mind raced through a thousand scenarios; all of which seemed enticing.
Oh boy.
