- Text Size +
Chapter Fifty Eight

Poke. Poke. Poke.

I was being persistantly poked in the arm. I was also being poked in the back, but that poke was a lot more pleasant. I smiled and snuggled back into the hardness, Nick's arm tightening around me.

Poke. Poke. Poke

"Mommy, I'm thiwsty.

Jake. I struggled to open my eyes, the dangers of falling asleep with your lashes caked with mascara. Jake had his chin pressed to the mattress, staring right into my face, his finger poised for more poking.

I was naked; Nick was naked. I felt the sheet stretched against my chest and was remotely relieved. Nick's arm moved, sliding slowly along my side, bringing a million more desires shooting straight to my brain.

"I'll get it for you," he said. I hadn't even realized he was awake. "In fact, we'll make breakfast, okay? Go wait for me in the kitchen."

Jake broke into a huge smile. "Breakfast!" And out the door he went.

I rolled over, my hand pressing into Nick's chest. He smiled and playfully yanked my hair.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

"Usually," he whispered, his thumb stroking my face. "This would be the part where we'd have some fabulous morning sex, but..."

I wiggled against him, pressing my lips against his neck. "Breakfast," I said softly.

"Not with you wiggling," he teased. He pinched my bottom, rolling out of bed. I wrapped my arms around the pillow, watching his long form bend down and grab his boxers from the night before.

"We need to bring your stuff in," I said. He snapped the waistband and looked at me.

"My stuff?"

"Aren't you still homeless?" I asked.

"I don't know..." Nick said slowly. "Am I?"

I smiled and shook my head, an emphatic no. Nick leaned down and nibbled my shoulder. I suppressed a giggle and flipped over, away from his teeth. He yanked my sheet down and just stared at me.

"I'm in so much trouble," he said, almost to himself. I didn't ask him what he meant; he touched me gently and headed towards the door. A minute later, I heard the sound of the refrigerator opening and Jake's excited voice.

I couldn't help but wonder--was I good trouble?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


"Sprinkle the cinnamon. Just a little bit on each."

Jake was standing next to me, his hair as hopelessly screwed up as mine. We were both wearing ridiculous bring pink aprons, his folded over three times. He pinched out the cinnamon, sprinkling it lightly over a piece toast.

"Was mommy cold, daddy?" Jake asked as he reached for a second sprinkle.

"Cold?"

"Yeah," he said. I watched him sprinkle another piece. When he was done, he looked up at me. "You was hugging her real close and she was smiling."

Well, it was good to know I had made her fall asleep with a smile. But, the hard part was going to be explaining the whole thing to Jake.

"Mommy and I were up really late last night talking and we both fell asleep," I said. "I hug people when I sleep. Do you know when I fell asleep with you watching Thomas that I hugged you?"

Jake smiled and reached for a third pinch. "Yeah, you hug good."

"He hugs very good."

I glanced up. Shay walked in, yanking her wet hair into a ponytail. She smiled at me and placed her arms on both side of Jake, watching him finish the last piece of cinnamon toast.

"You can go take a shower," she said. "I'll get these in the oven and bring in some of your stuff from the car."

Jake looked up hopefully. "Are you gonna stay for a long time?"

I used to be one of those guys that didn't think sex changed anything. Now, at age thirty-one, I finally realized what a big stinking pile of bullshit that was.

It would have been horrible to make my decision based on the fact that Shay and I were Jake's parents. Of course, Jake needs both his parents, but I don't care what anyone says; a mother and father living together just because they have children together is the worst idea ever.

With that said, I'll admit I've spent years bitterly resenting my parents over what they did to all of us. Those last years before the divorce were absolutely horrible - that way of living was much more damaging than seeing the actual divorce take place. But, on the other hand, I think I can finally admit something to myself: I wouldn't have traded the years of seeing them in love with each other for anything in the world.

And I knew, without a doubt, that I loved Shay. And even though I still had time before my six months that Lauren gave me was up, I wanted to get this sorted out.

I needed to be fair to other people for once in my life.

"I'm going to stay here for as long as that makes all of us happy, okay?"

Jake looked up at Shay. "Are you happy?"

Shay glanced at me. I held my breath.

"I'm absolutely happy."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


"Ouch!"

"It's going to hurt just a little. Let's try the other way."

"Ouch!"

Nick and I sat side by side, holding hands, as we watched Jake and the physical therapist work on his hand strength. His ouch's were loud, but they held no sign of distress.

"I'm going to go out to dinner with Lauren later tonight," Nick said softly.

Surprisingly, my pulse didn't jump at the sound of her name. "Oh?"

"I want to talk to her about things."

I turned towards him, our hands stretched across my leg.

"Please, don't let your decision rest solely on last night," I whispered. He looked surprised.

"It's not just last night," he said. His fingers tightened around my own. "Doesn't it make sense? If I knew, with all my heart, that Lauren was the one, would I have let us break up at all?"

"I--I don't know," I said.

"Shay, sometime between me being stuck on that plane and waking up this morning, everything suddenly made sense. I went and beat the shit out of Kevin. For you. I wouldn't have done that just because you were Jake's mother."

"You wouldn't have?"

Nick shook his head. "I also wouldn't have kissed you while I was engaged to another woman if I could get you out of my head. Don't you see? I made the decision a long time ago. I love Lauren, but there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone."

"So what's going to stop us from going from in love to just love?" I asked. I was surprised that Nick's smile actually widened.

"Nothing. But while we're in love, and I do hope it's a long time, I want Jake to have that. Because nothing can take those thoughts away. But, you've got to promise me something."

Nick was speaking so earnestly, like someone who had torn off scabs to reveal the wounds, that I was having a hard time not crying for him. All I could do was nod.

"If...if you ever fall out of love with me, you've got to be honest. And I'll do the same. Because it's the only way to be fair to what we have."

We both looked at Jake. He held a crayon shakily in his hand, but he was smiling. He looked over at the both of us and pointed proudly. A tear fell from my lash.

"I promise."