When I awoken from my slumber I was confused as to where I was. I looked around and noticed that I was in Howie’s office. I realized what had happened earlier that evening. Howie was gone. I found my clothes folded neatly on the coffee table. I got dressed and sat back down on the couch.

What had I done? I couldn’t believe I slept with Howie. What was I thinking? It was the best sex I ever had. I shouldn’t be thinking like that when I just cheated on my boyfriend. Howie was one of Nick’s closest friends. What kind of person was I?  I loved Nick with all my heart, but Howie made me feel like a desirable woman. Howie made me feel sexy and wild. Nick on the other hand, made me feel safe and cherished.

Howie entered the office and sat down next to me. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I didn’t know what say.

“This isn’t going to get us anywhere.” I finally broke the silence.

“What do you want me to say?” He spoke softly.

“I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

“Talk to me. Be honest with me. I’m going to be by your side no matter what.” Howie said honestly. Why did he have to be such a nice guy?

“Howie you made me feel wild and free. I’ve never felt that way before. I loved it and want to feel that way again.” I was telling Howie the truth. He was so easy to talk to about things. “I feel guilty for cheating on Nick. I’m not that kind of person. My dad cheated on my mom and I vowed that I would never cheat on the person I loved. What about you? What made you want to sleep with me knowing Nick is one of your best friends?” I knew it was a loaded question, but I needed an answer.

“Emma, I’ve been attracted since I met you on New Year’s Eve. There’s something about you that makes me want you. I’ve never had those feelings for other women. I tried to control myself around you, but tonight I lost all control.”

“What about Nick?” I questioned.

“I didn’t purposely set out to sleep with his girlfriend. I got caught up in the moment. I know I shouldn’t have slept with you while you’re with Nick.” Howie stood up. “I don’t regret making love to you. Do you regret it?”

“No.” I stood up next to Howie.

“What’s going to happen now?”

“I’m going to tell Nick. He’s already mad at me for being dishonest. I know he’s going to be pissed beyond belief, but I want him to know the truth.”

“I understand and agree with you.” He moved closer to me. “What do you want to happen between us?”

“Howie, I like you a lot. You just do something to me. It’s been like that every time you’ve been near me. I love Nick. I’m not sure what I want at the moment. What do you want?” I closed the space between us.

“I want a relationship with you. It may take a while to get to that point but I’m willing to wait for you.” His lips pressed into mine. My arms moved around his neck and placed my body against his.

----------------------------------------

Nick was sitting on the couch when I entered the house.  It was after midnight. I mentally prepared myself for my conversation with Nick.

“You finally decided to come back home.” He wouldn’t look at me.

“Nick, I needed time to think. You hurt my feelings.” I sat down across from him.

“Yeah, well you did enough damage to me. I’m not feeling so peachy myself.”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” I apologized. I meant it from my heart.

“Well you did.” He commented bluntly. “I can’t believe you left.”

“What choice did you leave me? I could tell by your attitude that you didn’t want me around. Both of us needed time alone.”

“Where did you go?” He questioned.

“I drove to Orlando to do some work.”

“On your day off.” He scoffed. “What a good employee.”

“Where else did I have to go? I don’t know anyone. I just wanted to be alone.”

“Whatever.” He got and started to leave.

“Nick let’s stop acting like children. Can’t we be rational adults and discuss our relationship?” If it was going to be this hard to talk about our issues, how would he take me sleeping with Howie?

“Let’s talk. You made me feel like a fool. I thought I was pleasuring you and I wasn’t. It made me feel inadequate. I love you and want to make you happy.” He admitted. I could see the tears forming in his eyes. It only made the situation harder.

“You do make me happy. There’s more to our relationship than sex.”

“It’s more than just sex. It’s making love with you and I’m not doing a good enough job.” He said angrily.

“Nick, I think it’s me. I think I’m nervous when it comes to making love. Maybe, I need to relax more.”

“Sex is always going to be an issue with us. We just can’t seem to get it right.”

“Nick, it’s all new to me. You’re so experience and I’m not. I think I get intimidated knowing how experience you are.” I attempted to explain without sounding like a moron. I moved over next to him on the couch.

“Maybe so, but I’m going to make sure you get your orgasm.” He kissed my forehead.

“I have no doubt about that.” I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. It was time to tell Nick the truth about what happened at Tabu. “Nick, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?’

“Please hear me out before you go ballistic on me.”

“Why would I go ballistic on you?” He looked at me strangely.

“Just promise.”

“Fine. I promise.”

“I slept with Howie tonight.” I whispered.

“That’s funny.” He laughed. I looked at him.

“Nick, I’m not joking.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He pushed me as he stood up. “What in the hell possessed you to fuck one of my friends?”

“Nick, it just happened. I was upset from our fight and had some wine. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” I started to cry.

“I didn’t fucking mean it when I said to go find someone to get you off. I can’t believe you. You’re such a bitch.” He screamed. He took a framed photo of us and threw it at the wall. Glass exploded everywhere. I was shocked at Nick’s temper. I knew he would be mad, but this was scary. I never saw this side of him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Did he get you off? Was he more of a man than I was?” Nick sneered. He started grabbing anything he could get his hands on and throwing it at the wall. “I love you and this is how you treat me. I’ve dated enough whores. I thought you were different.”

“I’m sorry, Nick. I didn’t plan on this happening.” I cried out. I grabbed his hand to stop him from throwing things, but he pushed me away.

“You were the one woman that made me want a monogamous relationship. You made it so easy to stay faithful. You are the only whore that slept with my best friend.” He started to walk off.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I didn’t mean it.” I pleaded. My heart was breaking.

“Enough with the I’m fucking sorry. If you were fucking sorry, you would have never done it. I can’t stand you, bitch.” Nick yelled as he ran up the stairs.

I didn’t blame him for being mad. He had every right to hate me. What I did was inexcusable. If this relationship failed it was all because of me and my stupid mistakes.