When Nick arrived home, I was sitting in the kitchen reading a cookbook. It had been a long day with work and dealing with Leighanne.  Nick entered the kitchen and got himself a glass of juice from the refrigerator.

“Nick are you ever going to talk to me?”  I asked quietly. I didn’t get a response from Nick, so I tried again. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Do you really have to ask me that?” He set his glass down and leaned against the fridge.

“I know you’re mad at me, but we need to talk about it. I’m sorry I slept with him.” I truly meant what I said. I was sorry that I cheated on him.

“But you enjoyed it?” He cackled. My face grew red. “See you can’t deny that you like him inside you. It shows all over your face.”

“Fine, I’ll admit I enjoyed it.” I said calmly. It hurt for me to say that to him, but I wanted to be honest. I stood up and moved closer to him.

“And to think I thought you were just an innocent, naïve, little virgin when we met. Did you lie about that?”

“Nick, everything I’ve ever told you has been the truth. You can choose to think what you want. I care about you a lot.”

“You care about me? I find that hard to believe. How does screwing my friend show me you care about me?”

“You act like I did it on purpose.” I yelled.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was your plan the whole time. I don’t know what to believe.” Nick looked at me with disdain.

“Nick, this is never going to work if we can’t talk like rational adults. It’s like we’re talking in circles. What do you want from me?”

Nick moved further into the kitchen. He opened the cupboard getting out a box of cereal and a bowl. He got out the milk and made himself a snack. I guess it was easier for him to ignore me than actually work on our relationship. I had enough and decided to go to bed.

--------------------------

I tossed and turned, sleep was evading me. I looked at the clock and it was four o’clock. There was no way I was going to be able to function enough to work. I grabbed my cell phone and sent Howie a quick text message.

A few minutes later my phone was ringing. I looked at the caller id. It was Howie. With some hesitation I answered it.

“Hello, Howie.” I whispered.

“What’s wrong sweetheart? What’s bothering you?” He said genuinely. His kindness was always apparent. I liked that about him.

“Everything. I’m tired because I haven’t slept all night.”

“Is it Nick?”

“Of course. I try to get him to talk and he just acts like an ass.” I sat up in bed.

“He’s hurt. Nick doesn’t handle things well. As much as it annoys you, give him time. When he’s ready he’ll talk.”

“Howie?” I took a breath. “How can you be so understanding about all of this? I don’t get it.”

“What choice do I have? I can’t do anything but support you. When Nick gets his head out of his ass, then I may not be so understanding.”

“Howie, how do you want this to turn out?” I got out of bed and made my way downstairs.

“In a perfect world I want to be with you exclusively. I want the house with the white picket fence, and two kids that look just like you.”

“Oh Howie. Really?” I smiled. He was being so sweet and it made my heart melt. The next thing I know my phone is being pulled away from my hand.

“She’ll call you later Howard, after I make her scream my name over and over.” Nick clicked the phone off and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a million pieces.

“What do you thinking you are doing?” I cried. I couldn’t believe he had just broken my phone.

“I can’t believe you’re talking to him while you’re in my house. That’s fucking whacked.” He grabbed my arm forcefully.

“Get the hell off of me.” I wriggled free from him. “I was calling off work because I haven’t been to sleep yet tonight. You want to know why I haven’t slept yet. It’s because of you.”

“Well, you’re the reason I can’t sleep.” He mumbled under his breath. He walked over to a chair and sat down.

“Instead of fighting, let’s work it out. I’m tired of getting the cold shoulder from you. This lack of communication is killing me.” I sat on the floor with my chin on my knees.

“I want to talk, but every time I think of you with Howie, I want to attack something. I want to throw things. I feel a rage I never felt before.” He admitted.

“Nick, you can’t hold that in. It’s not healthy.” I said in concern. I don’t think Nick would hurt anyone, but I wasn’t entirely sure. His temper had really come out in the past few days.

“I know. Emma, I trusted you. I think more than any other woman I’ve dated. When you broke that trust I was devastated.” He was making me feel even guiltier than I was already feeling.

“I certainly didn’t mean to do it. I’ve always had to be strong in every situation I’ve been in. I never let anyone see me be weak. After our fight I was angry and sad. Not being able to have an orgasm was making me feel inadequate. You’ve been with so many women and I was like a high school girl.”

“That doesn’t excuse what you did.” He countered.

“I know that. I’m just trying to tell you how I feel. In a moment of weakness I slept with Howie. He was able to make me feel better about myself and about being inexperienced. It was what I thought I needed at the moment. I made a mistake.”

“Yes, you did. If you were honest with me from the beginning none of this would have happened. I think that’s what hurts me the most.” Nick moved to the floor and sat in front of me.

“Where does that leave us?” I asked unsurely.

“I want to be with you. I might be angry, but I love you.”

“I love you, too. Nick since we are being honest. I’m developing feelings for Howie.” The pained look on his face was killing me. I knew he didn’t want to hear it, but I had to tell him.

“So what do we do?”

“I think we need to...to…take a break for a while.” I started to cry. “That way I can date both of you.”

“Wow! I never thought I’d hear that from you. If that’s what you got to do to figure things out, I’m not going to stop you. I don’t like that fact that you’ll be with Howie, but I understand it.”

“Thank you. I’m going to look for an apartment today. It wouldn’t be fair for me to live here with you.”

“I understand.” His placed a kiss on my lips. It was brief, but full of emotion. He got up and left me with my thoughts.  Was I doing the right thing?