After two days, the words 'I'm a horny dog' were still clearly visible on my forehead. I had wanted to wrap my arms around J's ugly ferret neck and choke him 'til he cried uncle, but Howie beat me to the punch. D was so mad that he banished J to Bri's bus. That might not have been such a bad punishment except that Baylee came down with the stomach flu and the whole bus smelled like diarahea and kid puke.
Serves him right.
Lyndsey and Dee had burst into giggles the first time they saw me. After they stopped laughing, they doubled the amount of makeup it took to make me gorgeous. Plus, I had to have touchups between sets.
We didn't want the world to read my forehead.
The only good thing to come out of it was that Rhoda forgave me. She thought I had marked myself on purpose as a way to apologize to her. Of course, I didn't correct her.
Something good had to come out of the whole thing, right?
Another good thing that happened was that Razzo girl had seemingly disappeared. I was beginning to think that maybe she had decided to go bother some other group.
This optimism didn't last long.
After the show, she was waiting for me earing a Nike shirt and sweatpants and holding that huge camera.
Didn't paparazzi have a dress code?
"Why are you wearing so much makeup?" she asked. I folded my arms.
"We always wear makeup."
"Yeah, but you're wearing so much goo that you look like a living corpse," she pointed out. I rolled my eyes. I decided to change the subject.
"Where've you been the last couple days?"
She smirked. "Why? Miss me?"
I let out a barking laugh. "Never."
She tossed her head back. "Well, for the record, it's none of your business."
"My life's not your business, but you get all up on it!"
"That's different. That's my job."
We stared each other down. It wasn't hard to do; she was my height.
"Good night," I finally said. I heard the stupid 'click, click, click' of the camera as I got up on the bus.
We finally had a free day. I was going to do something fun like check out a hockey game or something, but now I had a different idea...
The next morning, I woke up early (if 10 constitutes as early), grabbed my camera, and went on the hunt.
It didn't take me long to find Julie. She usually always checked into a hotel close to the venue. I hunkered down in a chair in the hotel lobby until she walked past. I scrambled up and followed her at a distance, clicking away.
She was oblivious to me until she stopped at a Starbucks. A bunch of girl's freaked out when they saw me and blew my cover. She whirled around.
"What are you doing?"
I grinned. "I'm your paparazzi for the day," I said sweetly. She squinted up into my eyes. Or so I thought.
"What's written on your forehead?"
At the moment, only the letters 'H' 'O' and 'G' were still visible with the way I had combed my hair. I smashed my hair down more.
"Nothing," I said quickly.
She looked like she was going to argue, but she was next in line. I noticed she didn't have her camera for once. She ordered a cup of coffee; I ordered a sugary drink and I followed her back to the hotel
"Don't you have better things to do on your day off?" she asked. I was trying to drink and snap at the same time.
It wasn't as easy as I thought. I swallowed, wiped the whipped cream mustache off my top lip, and laughed.
"Nope."
Razzo turned and smiled. "Well, have a good day in the lobby then," she said breezily.
"You're staying in your room all day?" I asked. She flipped her hair. It was the first time I had seen it down. It was long, dark....pretty actually.
"I have an important event tonight," she said. "I'm going to get ready this afternoon."
"How long does it take to get ready?" I asked in disbelief. She just looked at me. Her elbow jabbed at the elevator. I continued to take pictures; she just watched me. When the doors opened behind her, she lifted her hand.
"Have a good day!" she said.
The doors closed behind her. I found my old lobby seat and sank down.
Surely she couldn't take all day. Right?
She totally took all day. My left ass cheek had fallen asleep around one. My right ass cheek had fallen asleep around three. I was contemplating peeing in the planter beside me around four when the elevator doors opened.
I have to look twice.
The Razzo that had gone into the elevator looked nothing like the Razzo that walked out. Her hair was still down, but it was shiny and smooth like she had ironed it and then poured silk over it. As if the hair wasn't bad enough, she had legs. I don't just mean those two things that you use for walking. I mean legs. Legs long enough to wrap themselves around a man and do things all night long...
"You've been here all day?"
I gawked at her. I didn't even realize she had asked me a question. She had on a little blue dress that dipped at her breasts (which, even though they were small, looked great in that damn dress) and ended well above the knee...to show off those legs. Did I mention the legs?
"Nick, have you been here all day?"
I blinked. "Where are you going? I've been sitting here all day!"
She smiled. She draped a little blue purse over her shoulder. Damn, she was a woman.
"I've been invited to a banquet for my field," she said. "It just so happened to coincide with your stop."
"Can I come?" I asked. I'm pretty sure I sounded five. I just wanted to be closer to her...that dress...those legs. I was in love again. Totally in love.
Razzo shook her head. "Sorry. I don't mix business with pleasure," she said. I thought I detected something else in that statement, but my mind was chugging too slowly to figure it out. Instead, I watched her cross the lobby. All the other guys turned to look as she passed. I felt jealous.
Why the hell did I feel jealous?
Retching sounds were emanating from the bathroom in the back of the bus, followed by the sound of Leighanne's voice cooing soothingly. The smell of the eggs Brian was cooking on the little micro stovetop and the fragrance of the eggs Baylee was chucking into the toilet mixed and made a delightful aroma to awaken to. My stomach turned.
"Hey you're up early," Brian commented as I slid out of the bunk, "And on a day off, too. Impressive."
"Fuck you," I muttered.
"La-aang-uage!" Brian sang out. He reached for a coffee tin on the counter that had colored paper glued all over it, and, in Baylee's messy handwriting, the words Swear Jar written on it. "You know what it means when you say a bad word, Uncle AJ!" Brian smiled.
I glowered at him, reached in my pocket and took out a quarter and dropped it through a slit in the top of the tin. Mumbling under my breath, I pushed by Brian and onto the sidewalk outside the bus. The sun was just coming up. I sat down on the tar and leaned against the tire and pulled my cigarettes out.
"Fuckety-fuck-fuck," I muttered, cussing just because it didn't cost money outside. "Shit dammit hellfire fu---" I stopped midword when I spotted Lyndsey, Dee and Rhoda standing outside of their bus, too.
Without thinking about it, I stood up and beelined for them.
"Oh Christ," Dee muttered as I neared. "Don't you have something better to do with your day off?" she demanded.
"No," I answered. I looked each of them over, "Morning, ladies," I said, grinning.
None of them returned my grin.
I turned to Rhoda. "Can I talk to you?" I asked.
"We're busy," Dee snapped.
I looked at Dee. "I'm sorry, babe, I'm talking to Rhoda." Dee flared, angry. I turned to Rhoda. "Can I please talk to you?"
Rhoda hesitated. "Well, I..."
"Whatever you got to say to her, you can say in front of us," Dee snarled. Lyndsey looked resolute as Dee sounded.
Rhoda shook her head, "No it's okay. C'mon AJ." She stepped back onto the bus, and I couldn't help but stick my tongue out at Dee as I followed Rhoda onto the tour bus.
"So where are ya'll headed?" I asked.
"Dee wants to switch up wardrobe a bit," Rhoda admitted. She led me to the back of the bus where a couch spanned the width of the back wall. Rhoda sat on it. I stayed standing. She stared up at me, then patted the seat next to her suggestively. "C'mere, doll," she said.
I went.
My palms were sweating. "I'm sorry about the other day," I admitted, "The whole thing with the Cheez Whiz and the chocolate and stuff..."
"It's okay. I got in the way. I should know better than to play with boys." Rhoda smiled sweetly. "What was the fight over anyways?" she asked.
"Uhh - it was - over - well -" I stammered. I paused. "I don't really know," I lied. "You know Nick..."
Rhoda laughed. "Yeah, Nick's a little crazy."
"Hell yeah he is," I agreed quickly. Let's bad talk Nick, yeah, I thought, Perfect.
Rhoda smiled, "Is that everything?" she asked.
It was now or never, I decided.
I swooped down to the edge of the couch. "No, that's not it." I grabbed her hands - those soft, beautiful, wonderful hands, and held them in my own, cupping them. I stared into those big brown doe eyes. "Rhoda," I whispered, "You are so fucking beautiful, and I --"
Dee burst into the room. "What the hell is taking so long?" she demanded.
Rhoda pulled her hands back and stood up to face Dee. "AJ was just apologizing for the other night," she sad happily.
Dee glared at me.
"Well I best be off," I muttered, standing up.
"See you later, AJ?" Rhoda asked.
"Sure," I answered. I started for the door. Dee's arm caught me this time.
"We'll be right out," she said to Rhoda, staring into my face.
"Don't kill him," Rhoda joked, smiling. She turned and walked off the bus.
Dee stared into my eyes. "You heard her," I said, my throat constricting. "Don't kill me." I laughed.
"What are you doing?" Dee asked me.
I blinked at her. "What? Talking to Rhoda?"
Dee's eyes searched mine for a long moment. Then the tension in her eyes broke and she blinked and her eyes filled with tears. "Oh," she muttered.
I was confused beyond confused. "What?" I asked, "What oh?"
Dee shook her head, "Forget it, AJ," she snapped. "Just leave, please."
"But Dee, I don't understand what I did."
"Nothing AJ, you did nothing."
"But..."
"LEAVE." Her voice was commanding.
I sighed. Girls are so fucking insane... I thought as I climbed off the bus and, with slight waves to Lyndsey and Rhoda, headed back to the Littrell Puke Factory, confused as hell.
