"I haven't been to a fair forever! Who wants to go on the Ferris Wheel with me?"
My hand and AJ's shot up in the air. Howie tried to pull them back down, but to no avail.
We had arrived early in Indy because we were performing at the State Fair that night. Baylee was feeling much better after that stomach flu incident. Now, Justin, our tour guru had a touch of it. He was trying to sleep it off before VIP tonight. Howie had finally let AJ back on our bus. The words on my forehead were completely gone.
And AJ and I were still battling over Rhoda. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't get Razzo out of my mind. Sometimes while I was sleeping, her face juxtaposed with Rhoda's boobs and it was like she was one of those Greek goddesses or something. I woke up totally horny; I was sex deprived.
I needed to get some. And soon.
Rhoda seemed like my best hope in fixing my problem. Razzo had an attitude; she would be more of a challenge. I didn't need challenge. I needed a warm soft body.
"Oh, choices, choices," Rhoda giggled. "Ummmmm......AJ!"
My heart plummeted. AJ looked at me out of the corner of his eye and his mouth curved into a smile. He walked over to Rhoda and wrapped an arm around her waist.
I hadn't seen Razzo for a couple days. I had no one to go on the fuckin' Ferris Wheel with me.
"Are you guys going to the Ferris Wheel?" Bri asked. "That's our next stop."
If I didn't know Bri's voice so well and if Baylee hadn't been clinging to his leg, I would have wondered who was behind the large stack of stuffed animals. Leighanne began to pull the prizes out of his arms.
"I'll take these back to the bus. GO have fun."
They were all wearing light blue shirts today. One time when Bay was small, Bri and I had sort of lost him. Baylee couldn't give a description of his dad or me. since then, Leighanne had enacted the 'all Littrells must wear the same shirt' code.
She had a great rack, but there's no way I could ever let a woman whip me that bad. I--
"Nick?"
My head swiveled. Rhoda was smiling at me.
"Huh?"
"I said maybe we can do bumper cars later on," she said.
Bumper cars. Rhoda. Boobs. I almost drooled.
"Totally," I said.
Bri, Baylee, AJ, and Rhoda headed off towards the Ferris Wheel. I stood there for a second. Howie had disappeared back to the busses with Leigh. I shoved my hands in my pockets.
I knew I should be the bigger person; I should just let AJ have his time.
But I couldn't.
I took a shortcut that I had found early in the morning before the crowds had started to swell. I had a baseball cap tugged low and besides a few squeals, I don't think anyone recognized me. I got to the Ferris Wheel just as AJ and Rhoda climbed on. I jumped behind them.
"Just one?" the operator asked. I nodded.
The guy made me wait for a minute. When no one else showed up, he put me in the seats right above AJ. Bri and Bay were right below them.
I didn't have a plan. I just knew that a Ferris wheel was a great location for a kiss. If I had to shimmy and shake to keep that from happening...well, so be it.
During the first loop, I don't think AJ noticed me. His arm was around Rhoda's shoulders and she was pointing things out and giggling.
On the second loop, AJ leaned in towards her neck. I leaned forward and then put all my weight into leaning back. That started a chain reaction in the car below. AJ's face hit nothing but air. He looked up; his eyes widened.
"YOU!"
"Hullo," I said with a smile. I gave him a finger wave.
AJ tried to kick around in his seat, but he had a bar in the way. I did another hard swing. Rhoda laughed; obviously the girl appreciated a little danger in her life. AJ tried to make a swipe at my foot but he missed by miles.
That's when I heard the scream.
Bri. He already didn't like heights. Add in a swinging seat way up in the air, and well...
We were in for a Littrell freakout.
At the sound of Brian's shriek, Rhoda, being the good woman she is, leaned forward. "What's the matter with Brian?" she asked. The chair tipped with her body and I felt my family gems hit the lap bar - hard. I groaned. I couldn't even squeak out for her to stop.
"OH SWEET LORD ALMIGHTY!" The Littrell cart had rolled forward too. Baylee squealed with delight, clinging to a big ass purple koala bear on a stick, with cotton candy in his other hand. Brian was clinging to the chair like he thought he was gonna fall off it.
I looked up at Nick. The chair leaned back. Nick was rocking his seat, making us rock, making Brian rock. Wails for mercy came from below, evil laughter from above. I looked at Rhoda. "My friends are fucktards," I stated.
Rhoda giggled.
"Hey McLean!" Nick yelled, "McLean!"
I looked up.
Nick waved. "Hi."
We were rounding the top of the wheel, about to come down the front side, which would put Nick below me and Brian above me. Being below Brian when he was freaking out like this? Not a good idea. Especially when everyone had stomach flus lately.
"STOP Nick," I bellowed in my most authoritative voice I could muster.
I'd been so fucking close to getting my mouth on Rhoda... so close... then this little retard had to come along and fuck it all up... How many times have I strangled Nick since this tour started? Why must I continue strangling this kid? One of these days I'm really gonna do it and everyone's gonna be like it's about time. I'm sure I can't be the only one he annoys...
Nick grinned.
"Nick I'm fucking serious," I said.
Baylee let out a peal of laughter overhead. "Daddy's turning gree-eeeee-een!" he sing-songed.
Rhoda looked up, concerned, "Brian are you --"
Brian leaned forward.
"Oh fucking Jesus," I muttered. I leaned forward too, in hopes that the projectile about to drop would miss Rhoda and I.
Nachos in reverse are quite gross, by the way. But somehow when a mass like that goes falling through the atmosphere you can't help but watch it, mesmerized. It was almost graceful, the way the chunk of sick kind of danced as it fell.
Even better was where it landed.
"FUCKING A!!!!!!!"
I looked at Rhoda. "Sweet justice."
"GROSS! WHAT THE HELL!??"
Brian was still rather green-faced and wobbly when the ferris wheel came to a stop a few moments later. The attendant had witnessed the barf-o-rama and let Nick, Rhoda, Brian, Baylee and I off.
Nick yanked off his polo shirt and threw it on the ground. It was covered in barf, which spattered across the grass like a bomb upon impact. Nick leaned forward and shook his head, trying to clear the chunks from his hair.
Brian gasped, "Sorry, watch Bay," and bolted for a nearby portapotty.
Rhoda took Baylee's hand protectively.
Nick glared at me.
"Good job, dink," I muttered quiet enough that Rhoda couldn't hear it.
Rhoda's cell phone vibed while Nick and I glowered at one another. "Oh guys," she said, "I gotta get back to the buses, Justin needs some stuff. I'll catch up with you later for bumper cars, Nick," she smiled.
Neither Nick nor I watched as she walked away.
"You wrecked my chance with her," I snapped, "You are not playing fairly."
"All is fair in love and war, baby!" Nick shouted.
"Is that so?" I snarled, "You really wanna play it dirty, Carter? Cos you know I can play it dirty."
Nick got right into my face. "Bring it, bitch."
I got right back into his. "You're going down, fucker."
"Guys?" Brian's voice was still weak. He had come out of the port-a-potty, wiping his mouth with a hijacked paper towel and looking flushed. He looked around, "Uh... where the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is Baylee?"
Nick looked down, his head swiveling. "Uhhh..."
I pointed at Nick, "You lost Baylee?"
Nick's eyes widened. "You lost him just as much as I did!" he cried.
"It was your responsi-"
Brian screamed, panic rising in his eyes, "Baylee's LOST?!"
All three of us broke into a run simultaneously, shouting Baylee's name. Across the fairground, by a french fry truck, I saw a purple koala bobbling along on a stick, hovering over the heads of a group of short kids. I bolted over, but ended up accosting a strange kid with black hair and big blue eyes before I realized it wasn't Baylee. Nick let out a couple squeals as a mother smacked him across the face after he'd grabbed the arm of a little boy with blonde hair no where near as puffy as Baylee's. Brian was hyperventilati ng. "BAYLEE?!?" he cried. "BAYLEE!??"
"Have you seen a kid?" I asked a random attendant at a ring toss booth, "About this high?" I held out a hand to indicate Baylee's height.
"I've seen a lot of kids," the guy answered, rolling his eyes.
I pointed at Brian. "Looks just like that guy if that guy had a lot more hair and a poodle perm," I said.
"Oh that kid. Yeah. I saw him."
"Where'd he go?" I demanded.
"What do I look like, your friggin baby sitter?" The guy spat and turned away.
God dammit.
"BAYLEE!!!!!" Brian hollered.
"Maybe he went back to the buses," I suggested, panicked.
Brian's eyes flashed, "With all these lights and colors to distract him?"
"Speaking of distractions, where's Nick?" I asked.
Brian glared at me. "Which do you think I care more about right now -- where my son is or where the ass H-O-L-E that lost him is?!?" He was so flustered that he'd spelled the wrong part of the swear. I had all I could do not to laugh.
Ass H-O-L-E was gonna be my new favorite Brian-ism.
