If I could get suckage as much as my entire life currently sucked, I would be a happy man. As it was, I was the odd man out. J and Dee, er Rochelle, (oh, fuck it) were like two humpback whales. I had begged J three times to go out with me. Each time he said yes, but I was beginning to realize he was so complacent just so I would go away.
"How-eeeee," I whined. D looked up from a shitload of paperwork. The man multi-tasked way too much.
"What?"
"Wanna go to the strip club after the show?" I asked hopefully. I hadn't even bothered to ask Bri; he would give me a speech about worshipping only one body, blah, blah, blah.
Howie leaned back and sighed. I was waiting for the no. At this point I didn't care. I would go alone if I had to. I just had to go out and do something. Everyone was getting to be old fuddy duddies. What happened to clubbing?
"Sure."
I blinked in surprise. "Sure?"
D gave me a grin. "Leigh told me I needed to recharge my batteries. I can't think of a better way."
"I fuckin' love your wife," I blurted. D gave me a look. I backed away before he could change his mind.
The day past by at a crawl. I went through the VIP on automatic. Rhoda flirted with me and tried to raise my ego before the show, but her effects on me were zapped. It was a shame; one night with that body and...
"Oh," I groaned. Rhoda was tying the sash on my boxing robe.
"Too tight?" she asked. She looked at me under heavy lashes.
She hadn't pulled tight at all; it was my chest. I refrained from rubbing it.
"Naw, it's good," I said.
While Rhoda moved on to Howie (she knew better than to touch Bri), I went back to the bus. I dug out a bottle of antacid and popped them like they were tic-tacs. I sank down on the couch and held my heart. I couldn't waste a lot of time; I had to get out there.
I slowly descended the steps. I saw two shadowy figures off to the side: AJ and Rochelle. Who knew under the outer layer of bitch there was a sexpot?
"J!" I yelled. The figures jumped. A second later, J's features became defined under the glow of a light.
"Let's go," he said. He straightened, well everything. I followed him up on stage.
By the time we were done with the ring numbers, I was exhausted. Bri kept looking over at me, but I just ignored him and suffered through every agonizing minute. I wanted to lay down. No, I wanted to go to the strip club. No, I--
I wanted to see Lauren.
"Are you sure you want to go out tonight?" D asked after the show. I rubbed my hair ruthlessly with a towel.
"Fuckin' A. Of course I do," I said. D slid his wallet in his front pocket. He was more of a 'back pocket' guy, but every guy knew the front pocket allowed for easy access to dollar bill money for thongs.
"We leavin' now?"
I jumped. J had snuck up behind me. Rochelle was on his heels. I looked from him, to her, and back again.
"You're bringing her?" I asked. She gave me a look.
"Last time I checked, girls were allowed in a strip club, Carter," she said. I held up my hands. Even that small movement sent electric shards of pain through my shoulders and down towards my heart. I almost doubled over.
"No problem. Just askin'," I said. I lowered my hands and took a deep breath.
All this trouble started when Razzo had left. A few girls, a few drinks, and a night out would solve all these stupid aches and pains.
Who needed one girl when there were so many in the world to choose from.
The club was ridiculously hot.
And I mean temperature wise...
Babe wise it was kinda - well, eh. I had my Monkey, who had Monkey-sexed me up before we left the bus, just enough to get me going. "Maybe when we get back I'll pick up where we left off, hmm?" she'd murmured, suddenly stopping and leaving me - well, not exactly hanging...
The girls were nice, though, I mean I'm a red-blooded man. Just because I had dream-woman-number-uno didn't mean I was blind. They had tits and asses, stilettos and legs that seemed even longer by the perspective we had sitting on the benches right up against the stage.
The club was pretty much famous for one of their girl dancers - a woman with legs longer than the Nile and perky globe-like breasts with nipples that could cut through cement. That's right - fuck glass, these puppies could go through cement.
Her name was Kotton Kandy.
She came out with a fluffy pink leotard, covered in sequins and stilettos the size of Nicks head (which is huge). She pranced right down the length of the platform and quickly thrust into our faces.
"She's hot," Rochelle said appraisingly. She turned to me, "Would you do her?" she asked.
I turned red.
"C'mon, tell me, would you? If you were single and she was like buck naked right in front of you?"
I looked at Howie. "Does Leigh ask you shit like this?"
Howie grinned, but didn't answer. He was too busy fishing ones out of his pocket.
I leaned forward and looked at Nick, who was sitting on the other side of Rochelle. He had his eyes downcast into his drink, rather than up at the half-naked woman on the stage. "Nicky?" I said.
Nick looked up. His eyes landed on me, and I motioned up at the stage. He looked up. "Damn," he muttered, "She's fi--" he stopped mid-word and winced.
"Nick?" Rochelle looked concerned and turned towards him.
"I'm fine," he batted her away, and looked up at Kotton Kandy. "Shes' fucking hotter than hell, isn't she?" he asked, eyes widening as she teasingly lifted up her furry teddy to reveal her thong underneath. She kicked one heel back and put a finger in her mouth as if to say oopsies and moved to straddle the pole behind her, grabbing on and letting her coochie hit the pole.
"That's gotta smart," muttered my Monkey.
"If you do that I'll kiss the boo-boo," I whispered, leaning towards her.
Rochelle grinned naughtily. "I don't have to be hurt for you to kiss it."
I growled under my breath and attempted to pounce for her, but at that instant, Kotton Kandy wiggled out of her thong and tossed it our way and it landed, ring toss style, on my head.
Rochelle giggled and plucked it off me. "Oohh, Alex, she likes you."
"Give it to Nick," I directed her, "I'm not interested."
Rochelle tossed the expensive looking pantie over her shoulder into Nick's waiting hands. His eyes were wide, almost panicked looking, though. He looked back at the stage.
Howie waved some ones in the air as Rochelle and I started making out. I felt energized, like adrenaline was rushing through my veins. My pants were tight in the groin and I pulled Rochelle closer to me. "You know," I whispered, "I think I saw a bathroom..."
"Oh you naughty thing..." she whispered into my ear.
"You wanna?"
She nodded.
I practically leaped off the stool, nearly knocking it over. She giggled, and grabbed my hand. "We'll be right back," I hissed into Howie's ear. He waved me away like I was a gnat. "C'mon," I pulled Rochelle between the tables of hooting and hollering men towards a bathroom to the left of the room.
We were just reaching the door - my hand was on the knob - when it happened.
I glanced back toward the stage. Kotton Kandy was sitting on the stage in front of Nick, one stilettoed foot on each of his shoulders, slowly lifting her teddy up over her head, revealing inch by glorious hallelujah-chorus-raising inch her perfectly formed mounds... and she'd just gotten the teddy off and leaned forward to give him a million-dollar moment with her breasts when Nick literally passed out.
"Has it been that long since he's had sex?" Rochelle asked in a nervous, joking manner.
But a chill had shot down my spine.
"Its his heart," I gasped - and I ran.
