"PDA-A-A! PDA-A-A!!!!"
The Cali crowd was going wild. I was sweating, dancing my ass off, and loving every minute of it. J was holding his own, but I could tell his knee was bothering the shit out of him.
It was amazing was losing fifty-seven pounds could do for a man. Not only could I breathe, but I had my sexy back.
The concert went by in a blur. As we ran off stage after the encore, I grabbed a towel and began my traditional sweat-sopping routine.
The giggle was what threw me off.
"Miss me?
I paused. The voice sounded familiar. Oh shit. Was it an old girlfriend? Lauren was going to kick some serious ass--"
I lowered the towel. Rhoda's Barbie-doll face was smiling right at me. I checked her out and gawked. AJ's mouth was already flapping.
It was just like old times. Except we weren't checking out her boobs. Or her ass.
"Does Justin know about this?" I asked.
She laughed and put her hands on a gigantic belly that was actually sticking out farther than her boobs. I didn't even think that was possible. It was like a scientific marvel.
Before I could say anything else stupid, Rochelle walked over with her hands on her hips and leaned into J to get him to stop looking like a demented clown.
"Justin told you guys months ago that he might have to leave suddenly if she went into labor. Where were you?"
"I'm going to go with monkey sex on the brain," AJ admitted.
"I was either eating beans or thinking about sex," I said. "Either way, I wasn't paying attention."
Rhoda and Rochelle shared a look. Lauren came over and wrapped her arms around my waist.
"So that's how I'll look in a few months," she said.
I think I almost passed out. "WHAT?!"
Howie walked by, holding onto James' little hands. He started to laugh. An evil Puerto Rican laugh.
"Sorry, D made me do it," Lauren said. AJ grinned. Now that they couldn't call me fat they had found other ways to freak me out. Marriage and kids ranked right at the top of the freak-out list.
"Well, congratulations," J said sweetly.
"Yeah, congratulations," I said, not to be outdone by the great bald-ini.
"Thanks," Rhoda said with a smile. "Um, is Justin around? I kind of need him."
"You're not going to pop anything out are you?" I asked warily.
I got a look from all the girls. I held up my hands.
"I'll go get him."
Lauren grabbed onto my arm before I made a complete exit. She looped her arm around me and kissed me, sweat and all.
"Good show," she whispered. Her lips curved into a perfect smile. I played with the tips of her hair.
"Thanks," I said.
There was no one that could make my heart beat like she could.
I stared at Rhoda's stomach while Nick - tailed by his shadow - Lauren - went to find Justin. I looked at Rochelle, who also was staring at her stomach, her eyes tearing up. "No," I said.
"Aw but, AyyyJayyyy," she whined, "It'll be just like with the pups..."
"What?!" I said, "How in the hell is a baby like a dog?" I demanded.
Rochelle smiled, "Your dogs? The way you treat your dogs there is no difference."
Rhoda laid a hand on her belly and closed her eyes, humming quietly, "I really hope he hurries with Justin..." she commented.
I looked at Rochelle. "Sweetie..." Rochelle asked quietly, "Are you going to - uh - as Nick so poetically worded it - pop something out?"
Rhoda suddenly grabbed my arm and squeezed -- HARD. "GOD DAMMIT!" I dropped to the floor like a wet paper sack. "I THINK THAT'D BE A YES!" I bellowed. Like my knee didn't smart before, it certainly did now that I'd cracked it on the cement floor of the backstage area. Rochelle's eyes widened.
Nick, Lauren and Justin came jogging back from the stage. Nick bounded a circle around us, making me want to pop his weasel, and he bounced from foot to foot, "I got him, I got Justin, Justin's here - She wants you, Justin! AJ why are you on the ground, what happened? Rhoda, are you okay you're all pale? And what the hell is on the ground here?!?" He looked down at the floor.
Justin blinked at the pool of gross on the floor... which I was kneeling in. "Jesus!" I cried, leaping up and prying my arm from Rhoda, who started to cry. I looked down at my jeans, which I was sooo gonna throw the fuck away.
"I think my water broke," Rhoda whispered. I'm not sure who looked more ready to pass out - Nick or Justin.
Rochelle took charge, as always. All she was lacking was her clipboard and the pencil she used to flick us in the heads with. "Okay. Justin, you sit here. Nick, go get a chair for Rhoda. And not a director's chair or a stool. A folding chair. Not metal. The padded kind."
"Chair. Folding. Not metal. Padded." Nick bolted away like a deer that was getting shot at.
"Lauren, call the hospital, have them send someone over here ASAP. There's no way in hell we're moving her out of the backstage area with all those fans outside without some help." Lauren ran after Nick. "And you -" Rochelle turned to me, "Kiss me you bastard."
I kissed her.
"Okay, now, go get Howie, Leigh, Brian and Leighanne and tell them what's going on. They have baby experience, they'll have better ideas than I do what to do next."
I nodded and started to go find my bandmates, but then she yelled, "And Alex?"
"Yes Monkey?"
She pointed at Rhoda. "We are so getting one of these, okay?"
I hesitated, looked at Justin's brilliantly excited face, and Rhoda's glowing sheen of sweat. I pictured Rochelle all round in the tum and sweating like that. I also pictured all the Monkey sex Howie got in preparation for James.
I could so handle fatherhood.
"Yes ma'am!" I shouted, saluted, and bolted to go find Howie.
Funny how quickly life changes... At the start of the Unbreakable tour, Nick and I were bachelors who were vying for playtime with Rhoda's breasts, wanting to maul them with our paws and mouths, and by the time we'd ended the This Is Us tour, we were both happily committed men - I was fucking engaged for crying out loud - and well, I'm sure Nick's proposal wasn't far off, despite his insistence that marriage scared the fuck out of him. I mean, he had a fucking heart attack basically last time Lauren left, I'm sure he's going to realize she's the one any day now. And now - NOW, I was seriously considering trying the whole daddy thing on for size.
Me... AJ fucking McLean... a father...
Okay. Now I'm scared.
