Once Nick was gone, Leighanne giggled into my neck. "An itch, huh?"
"We think he may be retarded," I answered in a serious tone, "We're having him reviewed by committees. They may take him away. Give him a straight jacket..." I was rambling, Leighanne was sliding slowly down the length of me with her breasts and I was losing my breath. "...stick him in a padded room... shock... therapy... treatments..."
"BRIAAAANN!!!! WE'RE OUTTAA SHAAAMPPPOOOOO OOOOOO!!!!"
"...remove his voice box..." I continued as Leighanne's mouth touched my thigh.
"BRIAAAAANNN!!! WHERE'S THE SOOOOOOOOOAP???"
"...shave his head, send him to China, let him get beat up by Ghandi..."
Leighanne's laugh sent warm breath against my bare skin and a shiver up my spine. I choked on my own oxygen.
"BRIAN CAN I BORROW YOUR TOOOTHBRUUUUSH?...WE'RE OUTTA Q-TIPS!"
My eyes widened. Even Leighanne's caresses were no match for the concept of my tooth brush - the only thing which would destroy the dragon breath that was filling my mouth currently and make me kissable - sticking out of the side of Nick's ear. Although, in one way it was appealing because maybe he'd stick it in too far, hit his brain... Nawh, there isn't one of those TO hit.
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY TOOTHBRUSH YOU LIL PUKE!" I bellowed.
Leighanne jumped. "Whoa, Brian," she muttered in surprise, but I was already up, out of the bunk, and yanking my boxers up, rushing to the bathroom.
Nick was standing in the bathroom, the door open, my toothbrush in hand, his eyes glowering with triumph. And thats when I realized. The lil fucker did it on purpose.
Our eyes met.
And I knew right then that it was on.
Nick dropped my tooth brush onto the counter of the bathroom sink and smiled in a teasing, terrible manner. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said quietly, "Did I interrupt you?"
I would've choked him. Seriously. I could feel the motion in my fingers, imagine his bulging eyes, and the ridiculous squeaking/hissing sounds he'd make as I shook his neck and made him look like a fucking smurf.... But then Leighanne came up behind me.
"Hey Nick," she said, smiling.
At the sound of her voice, all violence fled from my mind. Only peace and flowers and hearts and twittering birds filled my mind. Nick was stupid. He was of no consequence. He'd get over his little fits. I turned to Leighanne and stared at her. She was SO pretty.
Nick glowered. "Hi."
Leighanne touched my arm, "Eggs?" she asked. She looked at Nick. "Do you like eggs?"
"Nick likes anything he can chew and swallow," I said, one last stab of revenge sneaking out of my mouth.
Nick couldn't even argue with me. His mouth flapped helplessly.
"With cheese?" Leighanne enticed him.
I could see in his eyes, which flashed, that he was torn between hating her cos she was my girlfriend and loving her cos she knew how to work a frying pan. He swallowed.
Ten minutes later, Nick had eaten half a dozen scrambled eggs with enough ketchup to drown a whale. He had ketchup stuck to his chin and spilled on his shirt. He was forking the food into his mouth like it was a shovel. Cheese stuck to his chin.
Leighanne sat down next to me and hugged my arm. I saw Nick pause in his eating, staring at us. He put down the fork. Leighanne kissed my cheek. Nick looked longingly at his eggs. Leighanne nuzzled her nose against my neck. I continued chewing my eggs and "mmmm"-ed deeply.
When he stood up, I reached over with my fork. "You gonna finish those?" I asked.
Nick had a choice to make: he could hate Leighanne so much that he'd pass up his one true love in life (food)...or he could be a grown up eat the damn eggs. Nick hesitated. After a long pause, during which he must've weighed his options, he shook his head. "N- No," he muttered, and he ran to the back of the bus.
I shrugged and grinned at Leighanne. "All the more for me." I pulled his plate towards me and started eating the eggs of victory.
"What's up your ass?" J asked. Bri and Leigh had gone back to his bunk after her little egg- stravaganza. I had headed outside. I had used up all my tactics to stop them from getting dirty. I was sitting out in the sunshine feeling sorry for myself.
"Nothing," I scowled.
"I call bullshit."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw AJ look around quickly. He lowered his head and I heard the flick of a lighter. He greedily sucked on a cigarette. I held out my hand.
"What?"
"Gimme one."
J snorted. "Fuck no. This is my bad habit, not yours."
I scowled. "I freakin' need one."
"You don't need one until you get addicted, dipshit. I'm not going to be--"
I wrapped my arm around him and yanked the back out of the pants that were hanging off his ass. J made a grab but I plucked one out.
"Gimme your lighter," I said.
"No!"
"Don't make me double wedgie skillet you," I said.
J's sunglasses slid down his nose. "What the hell is a double wedgie skillet?"
"Do you really want to find out?"
He thought about it a second. With a smirk he held out his lighter. I smiled and lit the end of the cigarette. I loved when I won a battle; I especially loved when I won based on stuff I had just totally made up. I put the cig in my mouth and inhaled.
The first puff took my breath away. The smoke filled my lungs. I pulled the cig out, leaned forward and started coughing hard enough that I thought my chest was going to explode. J pounded on my back.
"The first puff is always the worst," J said. My eyes were watering. I blinked quickly.
I took a second puff.
I was pretty sure the second puff was just as hellacious as the first. I tried a third. A fourth. By the fifth, I was making little puff pictures in the air in front of me. I was also feeling slightly less pissy.
"Thanks, I needed that," I said. J and I tossed down our butts simultaneously and ground them out with our sneakers.
"Don't you dare tell Kev I gave you a cigarette," AJ warned. I pretended to zip my mouth. J laughed. His eyes darted to the bus.
"Bri getting it on with Leigh?"
I made a face. I didn't even want to hear her name. "Prolly," I said bitterly.
"Y'know, she's probably buttering him up so he'll finally listen to her," J mused.
"Listen to her about what?"
"Bri told me that she's really pushing him to get the heart surgery done. You know how stubborn Bri is about it. He doesn't want to admit anything's wrong."
"He would know," I said. "It should be his choice. Leigh's bossy."
"She loves him."
"If that's love, count me out," I said. I stood up. I was getting tired of having to think about Leighanne every second of the day.
"Catch ya later," I said.
"Later," AJ called.
We had a couple hours before we had to even think about getting ready to perform. The Taco Bell nearby was calling my name. With any luck I could find a cute girl to sit with while I enjoyed a Nachos Bell Grande. I'd give her a ticket to the show and maybe afterwards...
Afterwards I'd get a little scoop of girly satisfaction. If I was really lucky I'd find twins and enjoy TWO scoops.
At least a guy can dream, right?
