I never told anyone this, but when I was laying there on the tar after the fall, I'm pretty sure I had a near death experience.
See, I felt like I was falling long after I'd hit the tar. My body felt disconnected from me somehow and I saw pictures of my life flash through my memory, like little movies or something. I remembered things I never thought I'd think of again - like a stuffed duck I had when I was a child, or the last time I rode my bike with training wheels. Things like that.
Then I saw light.
It was like a swirling vortex tunnel and there was light far away down the end of it, and I was shooting, like a meteor, towards that light. I was sooo, sooo close to it, close enough that I reached out, certain I would touch it....
And then the most freaking disgusting smell filled my nostrils and I gagged and landed with a earth-rocking THUD back in my body on the tar with the pain and the pain and the more pain... "What--stinks?" I moaned.
Seriously, I thought, I go from Heaven to Nick's dirty laundry hamper in less than 3 seconds? How does that happen?
Then I blacked out.
Beep... Beep... Beep...
A gentle hand ran across my cheek.
Beep... Beep... Beep...
I could smell her... smell her perfume...
Beep... Beep... Beep...
"Leighanne?" I breathed the words, my eyes still not opening, despite the fact that I was trying to force them open. I finally managed to crack them, and through a hazy blur of shapes, I barely could distinguish her hair, her eyes...
"Shhh, baby, I'm here..." she whispered. I suddenly realized that was her hand on my face and I leaned against it, letting my head roll to the side a little bit. I breathed deeply - it hurt. A lot. Then I realized I had one of those plastic oxygen tubes stuck in my nose.
My eyes opened slowly - very slowly. Leighanne was leaning over me, concern written on her face. Her palm cupped my cheek. "Leighanne, I'm s- so-" I was so exhausted, I couldn't finish the sentence.
"I know," she whispered, "Nick told me everything. It's okay."
Nick?
My head swam around the name. "Nick did?" I gasped out the words.
"Nick called me and told me everything," she said. "He's been quite the little instigator," she whispered and leaned close, almost laying beside me on the mattress. It felt good to have her so close to me. I sighed, contentedly, as she rested her cheek against mine. "I heard about your paint ballin'."
I'd never told Leighanne that full story. I smiled. "Nick's a nut."
"And the psycho fan," she giggled.
"She was scary," I breathed.
Leighanne kissed my cheek. "Brian, he loves you to death, you know that right?" She nuzzled me, "He'd do anything to keep from losing you. He proved that."
"Is he here?" I asked.
Leighanne hesitated, "No."
I looked at her. "He isn't?" I half smiled, "Is he at Taco Bell or something?"
Leighanne shook her head, "He said he didn't think you wanted to be his friend anymore."
I closed my eyes and felt my heart break again. "Oh God," I whispered, remembering what I'd said on the bus when I was angry at him and in the process of trading him in for a more latin model. "I need to go talk to him..." I struggled to sit up.
"You're having surgery today, Brian, you aren't going anywhere," she said, pressing me back down into the pillows.
"But Nick needs to know that I --"
"Brian, Nick can wait."
I stared up at her, and a terrifying thought rushed through me, "What if he can't?" I asked, "What if... What if I die?"
She closed her eyes at the sound of the word die and shook her head, "Don't you dare die, Brian Thomas Littrell," she said sternly.
"But what if I do and I never got to tell Nick he's my best friend and I love him?" I asked, "What if I die and he goes on the rest of his life thinking I hate him?" My heart started racing.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Calm down," Leighanne demanded, frowning, "Brian, he knows you lo-"
"Then why isn't he here?" My eyes filled with tears, they were stinging. Who the frig cared if my girlfriend was here if NICK wasn't here? I needed the Frack to go with my Frick, I needed my PB for my J...
"Brian, it's gonna be okay," Leighanne whispered.
"I need Nick," I gasped out the words, "Please."
Leighanne nodded. "I'll find him for you."
"I--I don't really do hospitals. The minute he's released, I'll go see him."
I glanced over at J. He looked pasty; he seemed way too interested in chipping the black polish off of his nails.
"Nick?"
I looked up at Kevin and shook my head.
"He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you," Howie said. "In fact I don't think he was really appreciating my tips for arranging socks by--"
"Howie's right, he doesn't hate you," Kevin said. "Will you come?"
I shook my head again. Admittedly, I was ashamed of myself. All of my stupid ideas had almost killed my best friend. The look on his face when he threw the basketball at me had been filled with stubborness and dislike. I didn't want to make him worse by going to see him.
"you guys go," I said.
"Nick--"
"Just go, okay?"
Kev gave me a hard look. He motioned to Howie and the two men left the room. I leaned back against the soft plush of the couch. AJ mimicked my movements.
"I can't believe he's having surgery right now," I said morosely.
"Well, you did the right thing calling Leighanne," AJ said gently.
I swallowed hard. That had been uncomfortable. I had barely gotten out that Brian had been taken to the hospital when she had freaked out and hung up. I hoped for Bri's sake that she was there for him.
She was much better for him than I was. I sighed. AJ nudged me.
"Why don't you hook up your Nintendo? We can play something. Your choice."
I slowly got off the couch. I didn't feel like doing anything. I went to my bunk and opened one of my duffels. As I was pulling out the cords for my gaming system, I happened to glance at my phone.
There were four messages. A quick click of a few buttons showed me that they were all from Leighanne.
I could only imagine what she wanted. She probably wanted to bitch me out, tell me that I was a menace to society--tell me that if (no, no---WHEN) Brian got better that he was quitting the group and going to live with her somewhere in the country. They'd have tons of little corncobs running around and Bri would sit on his porch talking about the days when he had to put up with this annoying scum of society named Nick Cart--
"Um, do you know your talking to yourself?"
I turned around. J was standing right behind me looking concerned. I was clutching the gaming cables so tightly my knuckles were turning white.
"Corncobs?"
"N-nevermind," I mumbled. "Let's do this."
Three hours later, J and I were sitting side by side, our eyes burning into the screen when the bus door opened. I figured it was Kev.
"How was he?" I asked.
"YOU."
Uh-oh. AJ and I both looked towards the door. A very blonde, very busty, very angry Leighanne was standing there. Her eyes were red-rimmed. She pointed at me. "We need to talk."
J scooted back. I had no choice; I stood up and shuffled towards Leighanne. I followed her outside. I hoped if I screamed for mercy that J would come out and rescue me.
But I wasn't holding my breath.
"Listen Leighanne, I--"
"No, I want YOU to listen. Do you have any idea what Brian's gone through?"
I winced. "I know. I'm sorry. It was--"
"why didn't you come with Kevin?"
My mouth opened in surprise. "I just assumed that Bri doesn't want to see me. He--"
"He woke up about an hour ago and he's been asking for YOU!"
Before I could defend myself, I got dozens of little fist hits. I brought my arms up to shield my face.
"Wait, I--"
"Do you know how HARD it was for me to leave his bedside to come get you?"
A tear dripped down her cheek.
"I didn't know," I whispered.
"I don't care how much you hate me," Leighanne said shakily. "Just come see Bri. Do it for him."
My eyes widened. "I don't hate you, I--"
"I think you've made your dislike of me clear, Nick," Leighanne said sadly. I felt my face flame.
"He didn't want to do guy things," I said lamely.
"Guy things? Like what?"
"Like um--um--girls and playing poker with girls and um--"
"Girls?" Leighanne said. I nodded dumbly.
"You know there's more to life than girls."
I frowned. "Not when you're eighteen."
We looked at each other. I was afraid Leighanne was going to start crying again.
"Will you come see him?" she whispered. I swallowed hard. I hated even the thought of Bri hooked up to tubes and wires and junk. Even so, I found myself nodding.
Unfortunately, by the time we got there, visiting hours were over. A very stressed Leighanne went back to her hotel. Bri's mom and dad were allowed to stay in his room. I went back to the bus.
"I only saw him for a second," Kevin said over dinner that night. "They were only letting family in. Leighanne lied and said she was his fiancee. He looked bad; I don't think he even realized I was there."
"I think we all need to say a big prayer tonight," Howie said solemnly.
And that's exactly what I did. I prayed that Bri would recover quickly. I prayed that he would forgive me for being a douche...
I ever prayed that Brian and Leighanne completely made up.
I was beginning to realize that like it or not, she was good for him.
