"Hi Leighanne," I murmured dreamily into the phone. Her voice was like a hypnotic drug of some sort and I, Brian Thomas Littrell, was addicted. I held the phone as close to my ear as I could, like holding it closer made her closer.
"Hey Brian," she said, a smile in her voice. God she sounds so.. soo...RAWR. Yes, RAWR was the only descriptive ...er, noise?... I could think of for her. "How's tour so far?" she asked.
"Well, you know..." I answered, scuffing my foot along the carpet, and grinning down at my toes, "Just got on the bus... Sharing with Nickers..."
CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH.
I looked up as Nick came in the little hall by the bunks where I was standing, carrying his Cheetos and chewing loudly. He had orange powder all over his hands. He opened his bunk's curtain and powder stuck to the fabric and rained down like orange snow to the ground. He rubbed his hand on his chest, leaving a big streak of orange on his green shirt.
"OOPS," he said, his voice loud.
I waved at him to shut up, and he went to the bathroom, banging the doors behind him as he went. Consequently, I didn't hear something Leighanne said.
"What was that? I'm sorry, Nick's being loud," I apologized.
"I asked if you miss me yet," she laughed.
I smiled, "Depends," I answered. "Do you miss me yet?"
"Ohhh of course I do," she replied sweetly. "I miss hugging you and kissing you and --"
"Brian do we have paper towels?" Nick asked. I waved him away again.
"---and spending time with you and talking with you and--"
"BRI-AAAAN," Nick whined, "I need paper towels, my shirrrrt's gonna get wrecked and - it's - it's my favorite shirt."
"Hold on a second, Leigh," I said, covering the phone's mouth piece. "Nick that is not your favorite shirt," I said, "That ugly ass stripey one with the yellow and orange is your favorite."
Nick pouted, "This is my other favorite shirt."
"Uh huh. Look, can't you just look for the paper towels? Or use toilet paper."
"Do I look like a giant turd to you? Why the hell would I use TP?" He rolled his eyes and evacuated from the bunk area.
I sighed and turned back to the phone. "I'm sorry. This is Nick's first tour with out mommy and I'm apparently his surrogate."
Leighanne laughed, "Awe, you're a good daddy."
I beamed, "Yeah? You think so?"
"BRIAN!" Nick yelled from the other room. "BRIAN I HAVE A PROBLEM!"
I sighed, "Leighanne, I'm really sorry, I gotta go before he has a coronary over here... I'll call you tonight, okay?"
After I hung up with Leigh, I headed into the bathroom to see what Nick's issue was. Nick looked up, his long, girly hair falling across his eyes, as I walked into the bathroom. He had pulled his shirt off and thrown it into the sink, which was full of water. Water had splashed every where. He grinned at me. "Hey," he said in a cheesy voice.
"Nick..what the hell did you do?" I demanded, aghast at the spillage.
Nick frowned, "Don't go all my-mom on me," he whined, "I didn't mean to do it."
"I didn't say you meant to," I answered. "Just... What the hell happened in here?!?"
The great Cheeto plan of 1998 had worked. By using the bus sink as a washing machine, I had gotten Bri off the phone.
"Just... What the hell happened in here?!?"
I made my eyes as wide as I could and ran a soggy hand through my hair. Someday I was going to insure my hair for a million dollars. Seriously.
"I got Cheeto dust on my shirt and no one would help me, so I tried to wash my shirt in the sink."
Brian's sneakers made a funny squishing noise. "You're flooding the bathroom, Nick!"
I knew that, but I didn't want him to know that I knew that. You know? I fumbled with the handles. "Um..hm...yeah."
Bri reached over and turned them the proper way. I scratched my stomach. All this work was making me hungry. I started for the kitchen, but Bri pulled me back.
"Where are you going?"
"To get something to eat!"
"Look at this mess!"
I waved my hand. "It's only water. Water evaporates," I said. I was real proud that I remembered that. I was like Nick Nye, the Sexy Science Guy!
"The Atlantic Ocean will not evaporate!" Bri said. He pulled out a towel, went down on his hands and knees, and started sopping up the mess.
I had never seen him so domestic before. That was kinda Howie's domain. And Kev's. AJ, Bri, and I were the messy ones.
After a few minutes, I felt kinda bad watching him do all the work. So, I turned and headed into the kitchen.
When Bri finally came out of the bathroom, his blue shirt was sticking to his chest and his pants had blotches in the most perfect places. I looked up from my bowl of mac and cheese and started laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked. I pointed my fork in his direction. A few little cheese noodles fell on the floor. I looked at them, shrugged and looked back at him.
"Your pants are wet."
Bri looked down and sighed. "They'll dry."
I grinned. I felt the bus slowing down; we were probably stopping for dinner. Sweet.
"You know why they'll dry?" I asked. Bri bent down and picked up the noodles I dropped.
"Why, Nick?" he asked. He was using the same voice my mom sometimes used when she talked to me. What's up with that?
"Because, I TOLD you! Water EVAPORATES!"
Bri didn't answer. I glanced at the window. It was like Christmas.
"We're stoppin' at McDonald's! We're stopping at McDonald's!" I shouted.
From the other bus, I could see AJ's face plastered to the window with the same smile. We saw each other and waved.
Bri practically jumped out of the moving bus. I wasn't far behind; I mean, it was McDonald's.
"What happened to you?" Kev asked. I looked up at him. AJ ran over and jumped on me. We galloped around the two cousins. Howie was still over by the busses. He had stopped a cute girl and was trying his Latino charm. Kev swatted at me each time I ran around.
"GUYS KNOCK IT OFF!" he finally yelled. He turned back to Bri.
"What happened to you?"
"Nick tried to use the sink as a washing machine," Bri explained.
"Dude," AJ said. He slid off my back. "You don't use the sink. You use the shower."
I smacked my forehead. "I knew it was one of those two..."
"Alex, if you even think about washing your clothes in the shower, I'm going to call your mom so fast..."
AJ's eyes widened. It didn't matter that he was two years older than me. Momma Denise was like a hawk. She had been on tour with us until like six months ago.
J was SUCH a momma's boy.
Of course, all thoughts about moms and washing machines disappeared when we walked through the doors of the magical golden arches. I smelled Big Macs. Fries. I saw two hot girls wearing little skirts. And a Play Area with big crawly tubes.
Fries, skirts, short tubes, and panties...
My mouth watered. SCORE!
