The nurse who collected the breakfast trays frowned when she saw I hadn't touched a bite of the food they'd sent up to my room. "You need to eat," she said. She lifted a small cup of fruit cocktail, "I'll leave this here." She laid a spoon over the top of it. I looked away.
My parents had gone to get breakfast down in the cafeteria and I'd been sitting in the room watching TV and not eating. I picked up the spoon and poked at the fruit cocktail. A grape rolled across the length of a slice of banana and came to a stop in a pit between two pieces of melon. It didn't look even remotely appetizing. I pushed the tray away and sighed.
I pulled the neck of my hospital-issued smock forward and looked down at my chest. A big ugly zipper line ran down the center of it, sealed shut with thick black stitches and glinting grey staples. It looked like some mad scientist had been at work and sewn me together from bits and pieces. I'll never be able to take my shirt off again, I thought morosely. Oh my God, I'll never have sex again. This would make Leighanne throw up all over me. God I'm gonna be a hermit, living on an island somewhere, and I won't even have any friends because... because...
I thought of Nick.
Not having Nick around made me even sadder than not having sex.
There came a knock on my door. "Come in," I called out, pushing my shirt's neck back down against my chest.
Leighanne peeked around the corner and smiled at me. "Hey Bri-bear," she whispered.
"How did you get back up? Kev said they were only letting family members in..."
She smiled, "He told them I'm your fiance," she answered, blushing.
"My fiance?" I asked.
Leighanne barreled on, "I'm sorry I left last night..."
"Its okay," I said, reaching out my hands to her. "I'm so glad you're here..." I grabbed her hands as she came closer, and pulled them to my face, smelling her palms. "Oh man, I missed you so much."
Leighanne smiled, "I missed you too."
I kissed her fingers. "Leigh?" I whispered, "I- I've been thinking..."
"About what?"
"I don't ever wanna be without you ever again..." I said slowly.
Leighanne smiled. "No really," I said, getting the feeling maybe her smile was of humor at my silly words. "You were right about... about this..." I pointed at my chest, "And- well, I don't wanna be a hermit."
"A hermit?"
"Long story," I turned pink. "I want... I want..."
"What do you want, Brian?"
"I want you, Leigh," I said, "I want... what Kevin said... to be true."
"What Kevin said?" she asked cautiously, her eyes widening.
"Leighanne... I want you to marry me."
Her jaw dropped. "Oh Brian. You're talkin' crazy." She pointed at the morphine drip to my side and her tears glistened in her eyes. "Don't ask me this right now, please, ask me when you're better, when you're well, when you can do it right, when you've had time to think it over more."
I shook my head, "Time's not going to change whether I want to marry you or not."
"And I hope it doesn't change it, but just in case it does," she leaned over and kissed me gently on the nose, "Please, wait."
"But now it won't be a surprise," I muttered, kissing her.
"Something tells me you'll figure out how to make it surprising, Bri-Bear," she answered with a smirk.
"I'm not good at surprises," I answered.
Leighanne laughed softly and sat up. She stroked my hand. "Speaking of surprises... I kind of have one for you."
"You do?" I asked.
Leighanne drew her fingers away and stood up and went back to the door. "Hey," she said quietly, "C'mon..."
When she came back into the room, she was holding a hand... a big hand that I recognized... and attached to that hand was the oaf of a teenager that I call my best friend. He was staring at his feet, his stupid award-winning hair hanging in curtains over his eyes, biting his lips and scuffing his toe on the floor.
"I'll leave you boys alone," Leighanne said, winking, and she disappeared out the door.
Bri smiled when he saw me. Like actually smiled. He struggled to sit up a little. A tray filled with food was in front of him; it looked like he hadn't touched even a banana slice.
"I'll leave you boys alone," Leighanne said. I heard the door close behind me.
I felt too big for the room. It was small and there were a lot of machines. One in particular caught my attention. It was a heart monitor; there was a lot of action. I took that as a good sign.
"Hey," I said. Bri was gawking at me as if he had never seen me before.
"Hey."
I walked over to his bedside. The food looked good. There were some scrambled eggs and a fruit cup and those little containers of apple juice where you have to stab the straw in the top to break through the packaging.
"You gonna eat that?" I found myself asking. Bri shook his head; he pushed the tray towards me.
I sat down and grabbed a fork. I took a big bite of the eggs. They were totally not real 'from-a-chicken' eggs, but they weren't bad. I chewed vigorously.
"I didn't think you were gonna come," Bri said quietly.
Ugh, this was the part that made my stomach queasy. I looked into his face. His eyes were all big and round like a sad puppy dog. I punched the straw through the apple juice and took a swig.
"B-Rok I'm sorry about everything," I said thickly. "This whole thing got out of hand. I was just so excited about being on tour and us sharing a bus. I wasn't prepared for the whole Leighanne thing. I--"
"You just wanted us to be two wild and crazy guys," Bri finished. He grabbed a piece of banana and put it in his mouth.
"Well...yeah."
"I love her."
"I know that now," I admitted.
"she can't replace you," Bri added.
We smiled at each other. "That sounds kinda...gay."
Bri laughed. "Yeah, I know." He looked around as if making sure no one else was around. "You have a better butt than she does."
I smiled. "Yeah?" I asked excitedly.
We both started to laugh. I held out my hand and we did our secret hand shake.
"How's your heart feel?" I asked once we had snapped our fingers and tossed our thumbs over our shoulders. Bri's smile flickered.
"I look like Frankenstein," he said.
"It can't be that bad," I said.
"I'll never be able to go shirtless again."
We both considered the implications.
"You don't have to take your shirt off for that," I said helpfully. "Sometimes I don't take off my socks."
"Really?"
"Well...it's a lot of work. And sometimes my feet get cold," I rationalized. "The girls don't want my toes they want--"
"I get it!"
We both reached for the fruit cup.
"Leighanne's a really good girl, Bri," I said. "She really loves you and junk. You should have seen how mad she was--"
"I love her with all my heart," Bri said. His face got totally mushy. Then he winced.
"You okay?" I asked in a rush.
"Pain meds...wearing off," he said. I scrambled to my feet. I leaned over him and jabbed at the nurse button.
"OW! OW! OW!" he screamed.
"What?!"
"Your elbow's on my incision!"
"SHIT!"
"GET ORF!!!"
"Everything okay?"
We both turned. Leighanne was hovering in the doorway. She raced over to Bri's side. I stepped back. I watched her fluff his pillows. She kissed his cheek. She tucked the sheets in around him.
He didn't take his eyes off her chest. His arm snuck around her back when she leaned over him. He gave me a thumbs up.
That was when I knew my best friend was going to be JUST fine.
