"Where the shit is Nick?" Kevin looked around the McDonalds restaurant (is that what they call it?) trying to spot him. "He isn't by the ketchup dispensers." See, Nick had used the classic bait-and-switch on Kevin. I knew the play well.
"He's in the Playland," I answered, swiffering up the salt on my tray with a french fry. I freaking adore salt. I put it on everything. My mom always said I shouldn't 'cos I had heart trouble when I was a boy, but salt is like one of the best flavors in the known world. I shoved the fry in my mouth as Kevin's eyes grew beady.
"He said he was getting ketchup," Kevin muttered, getting pissed. The Evil Brow was undulating on his forehead, big and furry like a monster from Lochness. I grinned up at him, trying to remind him it wasn't me who he was pissed at. It was Nick. Kevin grumbled and nudged Howie, who slid out of the booth to free Kevin, and he headed over to the ketchup station.
See, the Bait and Switch works like this: When Kevin disapproves of an activity we want to do and we know he'll say 'no' if we tell him that's what we're gonna do, we claim we're going to do something he wants us to do - i.e., get his ketchup, clean the bathroom for him, you know, stuff for him - and then we get ""distracted"" and end up doing what we want to do and apologize and make it sound like we're remorseful later, when he says he's "very disappointed in us".
Bait: thing Kevin wants.
Switch: thing we want.
Works every time. And it just so happened Nick was a pro at it. With his ADHD, he could use the excuse of a medical ailment to say that he was distracted and didn't mean to be. Plus he's got freaking killer puppy eyes that nobody, not even Kevin, can resist.
AJ glanced at Playland. "I wanna go to Playland," he murmured. He glanced at Kevin over at the ketchup station. "Think I could bait and switch for napkins?"
"I have a feeling Kev's on to us after this," I answered.
AJ frowned and stared longingly in the direction of Playland. "I bet he has those two girls over there, too," he added.
I rolled my eyes. Then, it struck me.
"Girls! Aw man, I told Leighanne I'd call her back, I completely forgot with all the stupid water everywhere..." I reached for the cell phone and stared at it.
AJ raised his eyebrows. "Cell phones are so weird," he muttered. He reached over and plucked the lid bun off my sandwich and stole my pickle. He grinned as he chucked it into his mouth.
"What's weird about them?" Asked Howie, who'd had one longer than I had and still hadn't figured out how to use it.
AJ shrugged, "They'll never last," he said, "Cos like you're walking along shopping or whatever right and you meet a couple hot babes and you're about to bring'em home and sex-'em-up, and suddenly --" here he mimicked the noise of an annoying midi ringtone, "-- 'oh hi MOM." He slid a finger across his throat, then made his fingers walk across the table, "And those ladies are history."
I fumbled with the antennae and the buttons.
Kevin came back and nudged Howie, who slid back out to let Kevin in and then slid back in himself. Kevin started handing out the little thimble-sized containers of ketchup. "I can't believe Nick abandoned a Big Mac," he muttered, placing a ketchup next to Nick's fries on his abandoned tray.
"Oh he'll be back for it," AJ said, "Unless he gets to eat something better than burger..."
Kevin looked at AJ. "What?"
AJ flushed bright red. "Did you get napkins? Oh shit you forgot napkins. I'm gonna go get napkins." He slid out of the booth, stuck his tongue out of me, and bounded off - to Playland.
Kevin stretched his neck to look at my phone. "Who you calling?"
"Leighanne," Howie said in a teasing voice.
Kevin smiled, "You really like her, huh?" he asked.
I smiled and nodded back. "I'm working on writing her a song," I added. "I'm trying to think of something that rhymes with one that I can use," I explained, "I'm stuck on that part."
Kevin leaned back, "One, huh? Hmm..." he stroked his chin. "One... Bun, hun, fun..."
"Like I said, I'm working on it."
Suddenly AJ came running back from Playland - but, as a nice touch to keep Bait & Switch a secret, he'd also grabbed a fistful of napkins on the way back, which he was now waving energetically around. "Guys! Guys. You've got to come see this."
Blonde and red-blondie were keeping my mind off of Big Macs. I had pulled the bait & switch on Kev and told him I was getting ketchup. Instead, I welcomed myself to the girls' table. They told me their names, but I was horrible with names. Legs 1 and Legs 2 worked just fine. It only took me seven minutes to talk them into going into the Playland with me.
"I'll chase you," I said sweetly. I pointed to the tubes. Red-blondie, aka Legs 2, giggled.
"We're too old," Legs 1 said with a teasingly smile. "Aren't you?"
I leaned my hand against the pink tinted tube. "Oh, I'm big," I said. "And I'm not done growing."
Both of the girls giggled. Legs 1 nudged Legs 2. Legs 2 slipped off her shoes.
"Okay, we'll do it. But give us a head start," she warned.
I smiled sweetly. "Deal."
Five minutes later I was staring up at a thin strip of pink panty in the tube above me. The giggle echoed in the tube as she scampered away.
I wormed my way through a tight-ass tube to see what color Legs 2 had on. She was like a crab, scuttling from tube to tube. I watched in amazement as the girls met at an intersection and slid against one another.
"Holy shit," I said aloud. It reverberated through the tubes. Legs 2 must have heard it because she looked down and started sucking on her finger.
Damnit! Must move faster!
I almost got stuck going around another bend. Legs 1 was clear across the other end of the tubes, but I had met up with Legs 2. She was in a wider tube. She flipped over and sat down.
"Hi," I said. I wiggled my fingers.
"Hi," she said. Her voice was low; sexy. I swallowed hard. The black skirt was hiked up. She had a nice hunk of thigh.
"I caught you," I said. "Do I get a reward?"
She laughed. She spread her legs and I caught a glimpse of pure heaven. She wasn't wearing panties.
"You haven't caught me yet," she said. I was halfway into the wide tube and half into the small ass tube I had squeeed into to get to her. I reached out my hand. My fingers brushed her knees.
"Scoot closer," I whined.
"Nu-uh," she teased.
She moved her legs. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. I pressed my hands down and grunted.
I was stuck.
"Please," I gasped.
She slowly went from sitting to a seductress crawl pose. She crawled forward and lowered her mouth to mine.
I could taste the salt from her fries. I already had a hard on from her peep show.
Hmmm...maybe that was why I was stuck in the tube. I shifted a little. Now that I thought about it, it kinda hurt...
Legs 2 sat back. Legs 1 appeared from the tube connected to the other side.
"He caught you?" she asked. Legs 2 smirked.
"Not quite."
Both the girls looked at me. I about died when Legs 2 started massaging Legs 1's shoulders. Legs 2 tilted her head and kissed Legs 1's neck.
"Please," I begged again. "Oh my god, it's more fun if I can come play," I said.
By this time, I was rocking back and forth in the tube. Must...get to...horny...girls...
"C'mon," Legs 2 said. He can't get it up."
Legs 2 gave me an amazing bare ass shot as she crawled through the tube Legs 1 had just got out of. Legs 1 quickly followed with her pink panties.
"NO! NO! NO!" I shouted. I could see them quickly making their way down. I kicked in frustration.
The piece of tubing I was in broke off of the rest of the set. It had been a round piece sticking out from all the others. I screamed bloody murder as I sailed down to the floor. The minute the tube hit the ground, it rolled right towards the bouncy thingies in the shape of the Hamburglar and Grimace. I saw two pairs of long legs run out of the Playland.
I saw four pairs of jeaned legs walk in.
"See I told you!" AJ said happily.
My forehead hurt. I had bumped it on landing. I got my hands wrapped around the outer sides of the tubes and pulled myself out.
Kevin did not look happy. I didn't care. I needed to get to the girls...
Kev caught the back of my shirt as I tried to run out.
"Back on the bus," he said.
"But--"
"Dude, you have a boner," J pointed out.
"I'm outta here," Howie said. He turned around fast.
"Girls...panties...cootchies..." I whined.
"No, it's nothing. Just Nick. Again."
I focused on the voice by the door. Bri was on his cellphone. He didn't even care about the trama I just had.
That hurt. I saw him laugh.
"You're crazy, Leigh."
I made a face. Leighanne. Again.
My day was getting shitty fast. I had missed the opportunity of the lifetime with those girls. Now Brian was back to 'Leigh-world' all decorated in pink and grossness. To top it off, J was macking on MY Big Mac.
Then there was my pants issue...
"I'll be back," I said. Before Kev could clamp down on me again, I ran to the bathroom.
If I wanted things done right, I was just going to have to do them myself.
