Nick was in a pissy mood after the incident at Micky D's. Good Lord, just thinking about it made me want to laugh, though, I mean the boy was wrapped in a plastic tube like breading on a corn dog. I could still see his lanky legs wagging around trying to free himself. AJ had been right, it had been a can't-miss-it sight.
But Nick hadn't found it humorous at all.
"Those girls were gonna sex me up," he bitched, rubbing a spot on his legs that he insisted was black and blue, but I'm sure hadn't been effected by the Playland stunt at all. "One of them didn't even have panties on," he added meaningfully.
I scrunched up my nose, "Do you really wanna sleep with something that doesn't wear underwear to McDonalds?" I asked him, "God only knows where she's been..."
"Well I know where she hasn't been: my bed. All thanks to Ronald cheap-ass McDonalds. Stingy fucker clown," he shook his head. "Why can't he just make the tube a little sturdier? And a little wider, too, actually, would help some."
"I don't think Ronald planned on people having sex in them," I pointed out.
Nick had been pouting ever since the conversation had ended with the ringing of my cell phone as Leighanne called to wish us good luck on the first show of the tour. I'd giddily run off to tell her more about Nick's escapade into Playland, locking myself into the bathroom so he couldn't hear my descriptions of his fat hinney sticking out of the tube like Winnie the Pooh in Rabbit's hole.
Wow, does that sound perverted now that I'm older.
I was working on finding the right balance of cream and sugar in a cup of tea when Nick spoke for the first time in a couple hours. "Leighanne calls you a lot," he muttered.
I turned around, "Yeah, so?"
He shrugged. "She's controlling," he said.
"Controlling?" I asked, a laugh automatically climbing out of my throat, "She's not controlling, Nick."
"Yeah huh," he nodded enthusiastically and crawled up onto his knees on the seats he'd been sprawled across. "She is. I know. This stuff happens a lot when a dude first hooks up with a girl."
"Excuse me? I'm pretty sure I've had longer relationships with gallons of milk than you've had with women," I said, snorting.
Nick frowned, "So?" he asked, "Just because I haven't had long term relationships doesn't mean I don't know this stuff. I know this stuff. I'm atelligent!"
"IN-telligent," I corrected him. "Ironic which word you screwed up in that sentence, there, Carter," I teased.
Nick frowned, "I just don't wanna see you get hung up to dry, dude," he said. But he settled back, defeated, and started picking at the hem of his shirt.
I turned back to the tea.
"Brian," he mumbled after a few minutes, "You're turning into Kevin."
I laughed again. "What? No I'm not. I.... don't.... talk... like.... this..." I said, speaking slow and annunciating each word and syllable carefully.
"No," Nick said, shaking his head, "It's not that. It's more like... Well, kind of you're a stooge."
"A stooge?" I looked at him, this time in concern. "How am I a stooge?"
"You're all prudey," he said, pouting.
"How the hell am I prudey?"
"Cos -" he said, "A couple months ago, you would've been out in Playland with me, trying to reach those girls the same as I was. Especially when Legs 2 had her cooch in the wind."
"I'm sorry, but cooch? Really?" I asked.
Nick ignored me. "Now you're like all you shouldn't do that shit and telling me I dunno where Legs 2 has been..."
"Did you even know those girls' names?" I asked.
"BRI-AAAAN," Nick whined loudly, "You're missing the point!"
I rolled my eyes, "Nick, I'm almost twenty five, it's time to grow up a little bit, you know?"
"You're only 23," Nick said, frowning, "Stop aging."
"The point is," I said, "I'm not a stooge, I'm just mature."
"Nope," Nick shook his head, "100% blue-blooded stooge." He waved his hand at me. "And you know why you're a stooge?"
"Why?"
"Because Leighanne is controlling you," he emphasized the words. "She's makin' you be a stooge." He nodded.
"Oh Lordy," I rolled my eyes. "Nick, Leighanne is not controlling."
"No? Then lets pick up some girls and get sexed up tonight," he said. "I think I have Legs 1's phone number..." he fished into his pocket and extracted a McDonalds burger wrapper with a phone number written on it in smudged lipstick. He held it up. "I can get her and Legs 2 to come by tonight and..."
"Nick, I'm in a relationship," I said, "I can't do that."
Nick sighed, shook his head, and carefully folded the wrapper and shoved it back into his pants. "See?" he said, pointing at me, "STOOGE."
I took a deep breath and turned away from him, angry. I wasn't a stooge, was I? I mean, I knew how to have fun as much as the next guy, right? Leighanne wasn't controlling. I could do whatever I wanted, couldn't I? I was making a choice here, not falling under the rulership of a dictator.
Right?
But still, Nick's words were stinging me. I didn't want to be like Kevin, all anal and nit-picky and insane. I stirred the tea and took a sip. It needed more sugar. I paused. Dude, I realized, You're drinking tea; now there's adventure for ya. I looked at Nick.
He stared up at me hopefully.
"She's not controlling," I said again.
"Prove it," he dared.
My taunting was wearing Bri down. There wasn't much I could do with Legs 1's number; we were only halfway to our venue and plus she had left me in a tube for crying out loud. But still, I had Brian thinking. That was better than nothing.
Bri took the stick out of his ass for the rest of the night. We played Nintendo until the wee hours of the morning until we both ended up falling asleep on the floor from sheer exhaustion.
When I woke up the next morning, Bri was gone. The busses were stopped. The windows were open and it was hot. I was doing the 'dead man' pose in my boxers in the middle of the floor. I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.
That's when I realized there was shit on my face.
Now by shit, I don't mean shit, shit. More like crap that wasn't there when I went to sleep. I scrambled to my feet and headed into the bathroom.
Some asswipe decided to decorate me in the middle of the night. I had a big black Dudley Doo-right mustache and a weird streaky goatee. The goo that I had felt was petroleum jelly.
At least I hoped it was petroleum jelly.
"BRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRIIIIIIIII IIII-AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!" I yelled.
I heard snickers from outside. I leaned out the bus window. AJ and Bri were standing outside with huge gloppy donuts. AJ took one look at me and burst into laughter. Bri tried to look innocent, but I knew his work well...
"You're an ass!" I shouted.
"I just needed to de-prune!" Bri shouted back. I slammed the window.
After a luke-warm shower, major face scrubbage, and some scrounging for my favorite shirt, I was finally ready to check out the venue.
And the donuts.
I was in for a MAJOR disappointment .
"Where's the food?"
"You missed it. They just cleaned up," Kev said. I eyed his danish. He was one of those 'boring' donut eaters. He never went for the sprinkles.
I loved sprinkles.
"First J eats my Big Mac," I said sadly. "And now I don't get donuts? I'mma gonna starve." "You won't starve," Kev said. I watched him take a bite.
"I'm a growing boy," I protested.
"Then you should eat decent food, not crap like this," Kev responded. He waggled his donut in front of me and took off.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked towards the building. I was contemplating doing an awesome fainting spell just so everyone felt sorry for me (and brought me some damn food) when I saw HER.
The U.S. wasn't near as crazy as overseas even though BSB was finally catching on. Even so, we were starting to get some die-hard fans. The girl I saw looked totally die-hard. She was clinging to a Brian sign. I pegged her for about nineteen or twenty. Great teeth. Blonde hair.
She was perfect. Not only did she look all cutsie, but her dark-haired friend standing right beside her was holding a sign covered in my pictures.
I rubbed my hands together. It was time for a MAJOR frick-n-frack attack. One concert + 2 hot girls = one rocking aftershow bus. I ran towards the side door.
"BRRRRI-AAAANNNN!!!!"
