I didn't want to be a prune. I could do this. I could do this, really. An after-show bus party wasn't a big deal, right? Just because there were two girls, two guys, and some booze Nick talked me into buying didn't mean anything had to happen.
And poker's a safe enough game.
Right?
Nick poured Groupie #1, whose name was Jessie and thought Nick was super, like, hot another drink. "Do you want more to drink B?" he asked me, holding up the bottle. I shook my head. I was clinging to my cards like they were a life raft. Nick frowned. "Loosen up." He refilled my cup. I stared at it.
Well it'd be silly to waste it, right?
"You're so funny!" Groupie #2 snaked her arm around me. I looked at Nick. He smiled. I shimmied away from her. I didn't know her name. I'd purposely not heard her name. Girls tend to think guys are less sexy when they don't know their names, right?
I smiled halfheartedly. "Who's turn is it?"
Nick laughed, "Let's make this interesting."
Oh God.
"I think it's interesting," I said stupidly.
Nick snorted, "Brian you're a prune."
"I'm not a prune."
"OK. So let's play strip poker."
Both of the girls were terrible at Poker. We'd only played like two rounds with chocolate Hershey kisses and I could tell they were the world's worst poker players in the whole entire world. One of them actually threw away a royal flush because the King looked grumpy. I'm not kidding you.
They might as well just take their clothes off now. There was no point to actually playing the game.
"Nick thats not a great idea."
Nick looked at me meaningfully.
I wanted to shout, being a prune and cheating on your girlfriend are two totally different things!!! But I refrained. I didn't wanna hear him start in about what a control freak Leighanne was.
And she'd never know if I was just playing a game with Nick, right? It's not like I was gonna have sex. I definitely wasn't gonna have sex. No way in hell was I having sex.
Nick grinned.
Twenty minutes later, everything was getting a little... fluffy... around the edges.
I grinned stupidly at Kelly - that was Groupie #2's name, I'd found out - and Jessie was asleep, half naked, leaning against Nick's shirtless chest. Kelly had a bra on and not much else. Her breasts were huge. I am a huge breast man. It was an equation that added up to me staring at her chest.
"You have pretty boobies," I said.
Nick whacked my back.
"Ow Nickers," I moaned.
"Dude how much did you drink?" he laughed.
"How much did you pour me?" I laughed back. "Hey there's like four Nicks... That's funny." I tapped Kelly - right on her boob - "Do you see four Nicks?"
Kelly looked at her boob, then at me, then at Nick. "No."
"Aw man I'm -- drunk." I whispered the last word.
Nick snorted. "Hey Brian, you're funny."
Jessie hiccuped.
The bus door opened and a rush of cool night air wafted up into my face. I blinked up towards it. "Helllloooo," I yelled, "Be careful coming in here, we're partially nude!" I giggled in spite of myself. My tank top and boxers and knee high socks were a sight to see. Nick and I were most definitely the most dressed in the crowd. I was kinda chilly.
Kevin was suddenly standing in front of us, hands on his hips. "What exactly is going on here?" he asked.
My stomach was turning riotously. I looked at Kelly. "Is your tummy achin'?" I asked. I laughed "Achin'... bacon... I should write a song about this." I smiled.
Kelly was transfixed by Angry Kevin and his Evil Eyebrow, though.
Nick was staring up at Kevin, too. I looked up at him just because I didn't wanna be the only one not looking at him. "Kev we were just playin a game and-" started Nick.
Kevin held up his hand to silence him. "Brian, what's going on?"
"I- I-" Vomit suddenly travelled up my throat, though and I lurched forward instead of answering and lost my dinner and all the booze Nick had snuck into me all over Kevin's feet.
Half of my plan had worked really well. Brian was in love with blondie's boobies and drunk. Drunk Brian was fun Brian. The other half of my plan wasn't working so well. Raven girl was passed out against me. I couldn't get busy with a girl who wasn't conscience. Then there was Kevin bursting in like he owned the place. And now Brian had just thrown up all over Kev's feet.
"ENOUGH!" Kev yelled. I guess spew all over his new shoes was the last straw. Big-boobed blondie jumped up and grabbed her clothes. Kev slid out of his shoes. Brian looked horrified. He was holding his stomach like it was going to fall out. Raven was drooling on my shoulder.
"Darlin', do you have a safe ride home?" Kev asked in mock-calm. I guess he didn't want to go all 'Incredible Hulk' on us in front of witnesses.
"Y-yes sir," she said. Once she was dressed she started dressing Raven-girl.
Kev stared us down. He helped get my drunk girl off the bus.
"DON'T. GO. ANYWHERE." he said.
He disappeared off the bus and took all the fun with him.
"I threw up on Kev's shoes," Brian whispered. "There's like four friggin' pairs of shoes. That's a lot of puke."
"Why?" I asked. "Why are you seeing four of everything?"
Bri leaned back. He was wearing basketball shorts. He stared down them and started to giggle.
I didn't want to ask; something told me he was seeing four Littrell-lets or whatever the hell he wanted to call his junk.
"There's a lot to go around ya'all," he said.
"Bri, Kev took the girls away."
He looked back up. "What?" He poked the air beside him as if boobs were going to magically reappear. "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
Bri leaned forward again. I scooted back. Way back. There was no way I wanted to get puked on.
The sound of a heavy hand hitting the bus door made me jump. Kev and his accompanying pseduo uni-brow came back on board.
"Nick, paper towels. Brian, bathroom," he commanded.
I jumped up, but Bri was a little slower. He went to stand up and fell flat on his ass. He started laughing. Kev yanked him up.
"Can you help me write Achin' Bacon?" Bri asked. Kev's lips were almost white he was pressing them so tightly together. I stood there holding the paper towels, praying I wasn't going to get an arm ripped off in the process. Brian was laying on the Southern accent like gravy. I heard water start to run and then Kev was in front of me.
"What's the legal drinking age?" he barked.
"It depends--" I said.
"NICK!"
"What? Brian bought it!"
Kev jabbed me in the chest with the towels. "You're screwing up fast, Nick. I won't feel bad calling your mom."
I scowled. "Just 'cuz you're old doesn't mean the rest of us are."
"If you want to live to be twenty-seven you'll start working on your maturity," he retorted. He knelt down and started mopping up the sick.
I folded my arms. No one gave me enough credit. Take for instant the whole strip poker thing. Once Leighanne found out about that I was sure Brian would be totally mine again. Then we'd grab another pair of girls and get a little farther.
I really wanted to get farther.
"There," Kev finally said. "The busses are taking off in an hour. Make sure Brian's in bed. Lights out early tonight. I saw your lights on at like three o'clock last night."
I scowled. "We just forgot to turn off the lights," I lied.
"You were jumping up and down with a game controller in your hand," Kev said.
He totally freaked me out. How he could see these things from another moving vehicle was beyond me.
"Good night," he said. He turned to go and stopped. He came back and picked up all the alcohol bottles.
He smiled at me before he left.
Something told me that him and D were going to have a free party. It wasn't fair.
"HEY NICK!" Bri shouted. I sat down on the couch. Bri wasn't that drunk. He could get himself to bed.
"WHAT?" I shouted back.
There was a thud. It didn't sound good. I was almost afraid to check. I heard Bri whine in frustration.
"There's FOUR toilets!"
