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Chapter Eighteen

"You're so quiet."

"I'm just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

I looked up from the book I was reading. Shel had brought a painting in from her studio. She was sitting on a short stool, the huge canvas stretching before her like a half-finished symbol of infinite possibilities. Mason was in the kitchen, doing homework. Brenna had gone to bed an hour earlier. The whole house was quiet, the stress of the night was still sinking in.

"Maybe we shouldn't be here," I said.

"Who do you mean by 'we'?" Shel asked. I had a feeling she already knew what I was going to say. "Me and Joe," I explained. "I mean, there's so much going on and it doesn't seem fair that you and Mason have to take me all over. And Kevin and Addy already have their hands full and now Joe was pretty much dumped on them. I--"

"You just need to start worrying about Ally," Shel said. "I know you won't believe me, but I think Joe being over there is the best thing for Kevin and Addy."

I frowned. "How so? He doesn't get along with Dan, he's said horrible things..."

"He's a challenge," Shel agreed. "But he's also going to keep them occupied." Shel picked up her paintbrush and studied the colors she had before her. "There is no way a sixteen year old is ready to raise a baby just like there's no way that any couple is prepared for a baby with special needs. But I have no doubt that they can do it. Addy has spent the last year with special needs children. They're in shock. We all are."

I sighed. "I know, but--"

"But nothing," Shel said. She swished her brush through a vibrant shade of red. "The only thing I want to know is where Joe's mouth is coming from. Dad can cuss with the best of them, but he doesn't have an ounce of hate in his body."

Having lost all interest in my book, I put it down and curled up where I sat. "It's the friends he hung around with this last school year. They're all like that. And you know Joe. If mom and dad tell him not to hang around someone, he's going to do it even more."

Shel began painting with long, sure strokes. "I know. I guess all we can hope is time away from that will change him."

"Maybe," I said. I thought back on the day. "You know those kids I met at the center Monday?"

"Yeah?"

"A few of them came today for the Reins program. Joe promised one of the girls, Krista, that he'd come and visit her." "Do you think he'll keep that promise?"

I bit my lip. "I dunno."

Shel leaned left and looked at me. Her eyes sparkled. "Why don't we help him keep that promise?"

I looked at her in confusion. "How?"

"Mason's working this weekend and I promised Bren I'd take her to see daddy in action. I could take you two over to the center for a little visit."

I smiled. "Lemme guess. We aren't going to tell Joe the entire plan?"

Shel shook her head. "Of course not."

My smile disappeared. "I don't want him to be mean to them," I said. "I have to go back there and work and...and I'd rather he hurt Krista by not keeping the promise than by saying something hurtful."

"Call me an optimist, but I have more faith in Joe than that. I'm surprised you don't."

I looked down at the carpet. He was my twin. We had a connection. And yet I couldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. What was wrong with me?

"You're right," I said. "I think that sounds like a plan."

Shel smiled. She wiped her hands on a wet towel and stood up. "Good. It's a done deal."

"You know what else is a done deal?"

We both turned. Mason was leaning in the doorway. Shel put her hand on her hip. "What?"

"I'm declaring bedtime," he said. He gave Shel a grin that made my toes curl. Shel shook her head.

"What if I'm not done painting?" she teased.

"You're done," Mason said. He glanced over at me. "Right Ally?"

I didn't know how to respond. Was he suggesting bed because he was tired or--?

"I dunno about Shel," I stammered. "But I'm tired. Good night!"

My feet were all ready for a quick take-off when Shel wrapped me in a hug. She pressed her lips to my ear.

"You're as red as a lobster. Get your mind out of the gutter. Believe it or not, we actually do sleep."

I gasped. Shel let me go and laughed softly. I glanced over at Mason. He was staring at Shel lovingly, but I did notice that the circles around his eyes were even darker than the day before. It was a second before his eyes moved over to me. He smiled wearily.

"Night, Al. Sweet dreams."

I nodded. "You too," I said.

Ten minutes later, I was staring up at the darkness, the familiar blanket of nothingness wrapping around me. Even though my ears had shut out the outside world, my mind couldn't. I thought about Addy and Kevin. I thought about sweet little Owen and how nice it had been to finally see Greg smile. I thought about Krista. What did she think of Joe?

And most of all, I thought about Cole. He wasn't like any boy I had ever met. Boys in my high school were all about parties, girls, and fun. When I talked to Cole, I actually felt like I was doing something meaningful. It was incredible that, even without sight, he seemed to read me better than people I had known for years.

The innate sense of curiosity that all of us McLeans were prone to seeped in through my pores. More than anything else, I felt the need to learn more about him. He was like a paradox. I was sure he wasn't happy, but then again he wasn't depressed like so many of the other kids that were locked in that fortress day in and day out. There was a feeling building in me that Cole and I were what my mom would call kindred spirits. When my sense of hearing was taken away, I felt like I could decipher myself more. In the same way, Cole's lack of sight seemed to make him more insightful.

For one irrational sleepy second I wondered if the middle ground between Cole and I wasn't going to be as hard to find as I thought. After all, one thing had worked earlier in the day. It was still so strong, so real that I kept coming back to it.

I literally needed to reach out and touch him. Just like he had touched me. Maybe then I could begin to figure out the real Cole.