"Yanno, I watched a porno like this once. It turned out really nice. Not that I want you sleeping with my future wife or anything, but..."
"It's okay, this happens all the time," the nurse said. She juggled my dinner (God, it was gross) and fiddled with a panel in the elevator.
"So what's the deal?" Taylor said. She was tapping her foot and frowning. I was pretty sure she must have been ragging. There was something about bleeding that brought out the worst in girls.
"There's no deal," Kev said calmly. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "Nick left me two, just two girls to contact if anything ever happened to him. Jullian, the one that came earlier, tried to kill him."
The actor shit was pouring out of Kev. His face crumpled in sadness. Taylor worked with little puppies all day; she was a sucker for sadness. She wrapped her arms around him.
"You poor thing! This has to be so hard on you..."
"Yes, I'm Rebekah Wilson, one of the neurology nurses. Elevator H is stuck again."
The nurse's voice distracted me for just a second. When I turned back to Kev and Taylor, I couldn't believe me eyes.
Taylor was kissing Kev! She was sucking on his lips like he was one of those Sour Patch Kids!
"HEY! She's mine!" I yelped. I ended up levitating out of the elevator again. I scrambled back down.
"What are you doing?" Kev barked. He backed away. Taylor's frizzy hair bounced up and down.
"You were always my favorite," she said. "One time, I wrote this fanfic and we were stuck in an elevator. Now it's like my imagination's become reality."
Kev looked right at me. "I thought you said she was normal," he said.
"She is! I mean...she was. Hey, do you realize it looks like your talking to air?" I asked.
"Fanfic? What the hell is a fanfic?"
Taylor turned towards Nurse Becky. Kev and I both stood there while she rambled on about AU's and visuals and--
"When I get back to my body," I whispered. "I'm going to spend a whole day reading some of this shit. I feel...violated."
"I never thought I'd hear you say you were going to spend a whole day reading," Kev mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.
"Of course, my story didn't include you," Taylor concluded. She paused and eyed my nursey-poo. "But, it makes for an interesting twist." Taylor turned back to Kev. "This can be our little secret," she said.
Kev's mouth dropped open. So did mine.
"Dayyyy-ummm," I said. "A threesome! I think you should take her up on the offer," I suggested.
"What?!" Kev said. Taylor thought he was addressing her.
"Haven't you ever made love in an elevator?" Taylor asked.
"C'mon. I'll never tell Kristin. And Nurse Becky over there doesn't look totally opposed," I prodded.
We both looked at my nurse. She had turned her back on us. She was carefully juggling my din-din and pressing buttons..
"You've got the best eyes."
I had distracted Kevin so much that Taylor had managed to get all up on him. Her hand slid up his chest. Kev's face flamed.
"Remember those tits on my Playboy channel?" I said. "These are smaller, but they're nice."
"Isn't she supposed to kiss you?" Kev asked me.
"You want her to kiss me?" Taylor asked.
Before Kev could say anything, Taylor walked towards Rebekah. This was a 'take no prisoners' game of absolute hotness. A minute later I was in my glory. If I wasn't already half-dead I probably would have completely died. The girl-on-girl action was pretty hot.
While it lasted, at least. I don't think Nurse Becky was as sold on the idea as I had initially thought. She smacked Taylor in the head with my bag of fluid. Taylor crumpled to the ground.
Kev was speechless. I looked down to see if I had a ghostly hard-on.
No such luck.
"What just happened?" Kev asked weakly. At the same time, the elevator jerked and started going up.
"Are you still going to take his fiancee in to see him?" Rebekah asked instead. The doors opened to my floor. Kev shook his head.
"Just...just send us down."
My nurse turned. Her eyes sparkled. "You two are making my job interesting," she said. She turned and pressed the down button. She was still smiling as the doors closed. Taylor was still knocked out on the floor, but I didn't really care. Something nursey had said stuck in my mind.
"Kev," I said. "She said 'you two.' YOU TWO! Do you think...do you think she can see me?"
Kev was wiping his mouth, no doubt trying to get rid of any trace of Taylor's DNA.
"Nick," he said. "Don't be stupid."
I sighed. "Don't blame me for hoping," I mumbled.
I couldn't stop hoping. If I did...well...
I would probably stop living.
"You're stupid," Nick muttered, hovering around as I sighed, listening to Kristin freak out. "She never would've known and what do you do? You tell her."
I couldn't say anything to address him without Kristin thinking I was off my rocker or else ignoring her or with psycho-story-writing-doggy-style-professional, so I raised my hand and extended my middle finger in his face. This made Nick grin for whatever God-forsaken reason, and he did somersaults through the air laughing.
"Why in the hell were you bringing women from Nick's little black book up to see him anyways?" she demanded suddenly.
I blinked. I didn't really have a good reason for that. I looked at Nick. He was still somersaulting through the air. "I just thought maybe it would help him out if he had a lot of company," I lied.
Kristin was quiet for a long moment. "How are you getting them in, too, isn't he in ICU? Isn't that like family and next of kin and priests only or something?"
"Nick's a polygamist now," I muttered.
Kristin tried to resist laughing. "What?"
"I told them the girls were Nick's fiancees."
"You what?" she snorted.
At least she's laughing, I thought to myself. I'd take it. Anything to get me out of trouble for being nearly raped in an elevator by the groomer.
"Well the nurse asked who they were, and I wanted to get'em in, so I said Nick's fiance both times, I just- I didn't notice it was the same nurse until she'd said something about it." I wasn't even about to tell Kris I was mentally calling the nurse Busty.
"So you told them he's a polygamist?"
"I don't know," I answered.
"Wow."
"Well Nick liked the idea until she went crazy," I laughed. Nick's eyes widened as I laughed... until I realized why his eyes had widened.
"Excuse me?" Kristin asked.
"I-" ...had no clue what the hell to say that didn't sound fucking insane.
Nick stared at me.
"I- was-" I paused.
"Awe Kev," Kristin whispered, "I'm sure if Nick was awake he would've laughed about this all with you." She sounded apologetic, she sounded like she felt bad for me. "I know you miss him...."
I looked at him hovering a few feet away, a look of concern on his face about how crazy my wife now thought I was.
"Yeah," I said, "I miss him."
Nick's face broke into a grin. "He misses me, he misses me, Kevin freakin' misses me!" he sang, floating around.
I managed to get Kris off the phone and groaned. I was so tired, I could've fallen asleep on a bed of nails. I leaned back into the couch cushions.
"Whatsa matter Kev?" Nick hovered over me so we were face to face.
"I'm tired," I answered.
Nick nodded, "Yeah," he said. He sighed. I closed my eyes and was just about to fall asleep when he laughed.
I creaked one eye opened to look at him. "What?" I asked.
"I just was thinking about how funny it was when Nurse Becky Boobs hit Taylor with my food," he answered, giggling.
I closed my eyes again.
"Like BAM!" Nick said.
"Okay Emril," I muttered.
He was quiet for a couple minutes. "Hey Kev?" he asked.
"Hmm?" I hummed.
"What if she did see me today?"
"She didn't see you, Nick," I answered.
Nick argued, "But she said you two."
"She meant you but not you you, the real you, the you that she's been nursing the last four days," I said, "Not hover craft you."
"Yeah... true..." Nick sighed, "I thought it might be cool if she could see me."
"Why?"
He shrugged, "I'd be more real..." he said slowly.
"What?"
"Well, you're still gonna pull the plug on me in four more days, right?"
"Nick..."
"Maybe if you weren't the only one who knew I was here, you wouldn't do that."
I stared at my hands.
"I don't want to die, Kevin."
"But do you really want to live like this?" I asked.
"At least like this I get to hang out with you," he said.
"Just what I always wanted," I murmured sarcastically. The words hung in the air. I hadn't meant them mean, but the moment they came out, they kind of had that ring to them like they were. I opened my eyes. Nick was hovering a couple feet away, tears in his eyes. "Nick," I said slowly, sitting up, "I didn't --"
"It's fine, Kev," Nick said, shaking his head, "Forget it."
"Nick, I--"
"It's okay Kev," he said, "I shouldn't have forced you to help me. You didn't want to from the start. Y-you don't have to anymore..." he floated backwards like he was backing up away from me.
"Nick, stop it, I didn't really mea--"
"You only hafta put up with me for four more days then you can pull the plug and be done with me forever," he said, and just like that, he zoomed through the closed window and disappeared.
