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Chapter Twelve

I knew ghosts couldn't cry; but that didn't stop me from feeling like I was going to cry. At the same time, a strange thing happened. It was like a slow fade to black; the walls disappeared and I was certain I had died. Something must have happened to me in the hospital. I was like James Dean - a rebel without a cause. Gone too soon.

"Turning you will keep you from getting sores. We want you to be as comfortable as you can be."

Slowly, the black stretched out. I found myself hovering over my body. Nurse Becky had my body turned to the side. The breathing machine continued to work - up, down, up, down. She knelt by my side.

"So how many fiancee's am I going to meet tomorrow?" she asked with a smile. I hovered over her and smiled. She pressed a cloth to my head.

"Why are you always here?" I asked curiously. I flipped upside down. She glanced at the machines.

"You know, I don't believe in miracles," she said softly. "But I've had a lot of patients and you're the first one that seems more alive than dead."

"HA!" I shouted. "That's 'cause I am."

She took the cloth from my forehead and stood up. She shook a bag.

"I bet you'd kill for a cheeseburger right now, huh?"

"Oh, you read my mind," I said. I glanced ahead dreamily. "A double cheeseburger with lettuce...pickle..."

"Becks, isn't your shift over?"

A nurse I hadn't seen before was hovering in the doorway. Nurse Becky jumped.

"What? Oh, I just needed..."

"Needed to talk to the vegetable?"

I frowned. Please, don't let her be MY night nurse, I thought.

"They're still human beings, Colleen," Nurse Becky said.

"Well, I've got to admit, he's the best looking one we've had in awhile. I heard you had another exciting day with his crazy friend. Who in their right mind would give that Richardson guy the power of life or death?"

"What do you mean?"

"The guy's always talking to himself. It's like he's got an imaginary buddy or something."

"I'm not imaginary," I said stubbornly.

Becky smiled. "Everyone has a different way of coping with tragedy. A better bedside manner would do you well. I heard you got down for the promotion."

"I heard you did too," Colleen snapped. Becky shrugged.

"I like it on this floor."

"Surrounded by death?"

"Someday, something amazing's going to happen here," Becky said. Her voice got lower. "I wanna be here when it does."

"You're crazy," Colleen said. She walked into the room and yanked my food bag. I grimaced.

"I just turned him," Becky said. "His vitals are stable and--"

"Eh, I just might give him a spongebath," Colleen said. She gave Becky a smirk. "I'll give you a full report in the morning."

"NO!" I shouted. "Don't leave me with Nurse Hatchet!" If she yanked my extemities as hard as she had yanked my food supply---

"Already done," Becky said. She returned the smirk. My eyes widened. I had missed witnessing my spongebath with her? Damnit.

"If you don't go, I'm gonna have to let them know you're violating policy," Colleen said. Becky hovered uncertainly. She lifted her head.

"I'm going," she said coldly. Colleen raised my hand and shook it. My hand slapped limply around at the wrist.

"Bye Becky," Colleen said in a deep voice. Then she cackled. Seriously, she did. It was all witchy too.

After Becky left, I sank down so that I was hovering by the visitor's chair. I was almost glad Kevin had been so mean to me. It looked like I was meant to spend the night watching myself. Colleen yanked at a few more things and walked out of the room.

"Well, Nick," I said to myself. My chest rose and fell in tune with the breathing machine. "I think we're in deep chizz. I wish I could have haunted Bri. I'd probably be back in you by now."

I didn't get an answer; not that I had expected one. I propped my chin in my hand and studied my face. "You know I am good-looking," I said. "Surely there's got to be one chick that would put up with me forever. I mean, yeah I don't brush my teeth everyday and I sometimes turn my shirts inside-out so I can get another use out of them, but doesn't every guy? I don't want to be remembered as a scummy gigolo."

I slumped down. Even I knew that the more days that went by with me like...like this, the less chance I would have of recovering.

But I didn't want to die.


*********************


I was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the clock on the wall. A glass of scotch sat in front of me - the last of the bottle I'd opened earlier. My eyes were blurry. It was 5:43 AM. I hadn't slept. I felt like absolute, complete, total shit.

Once again my stupid mouth and stupid attitude had hurt someone that I loved dearly... I'd hurt what little bit was left of Nick. He didn't have anything; he didn't even have a body. It wouldn't take much to make him give up, to lose what little hope he had... For all I knew, when he disappeared, it was because he gave up, because he ----

I got up and grabbed my keys off the counter, shaking, just a little bit tipsy from the other drinks, and I headed for my car.

Visiting hours didn't start until much later in the morning, but I knew if Nurse Bustalot was still there I'd be able to get in. I took the stairs three at a time to Nick's floor, gasping for breath but still reluctant to revisit the elevator. I reached the floor and glanced around. The doors to the ICU were standing peacefully, like sentinels. I opened the first one and stood in the vestibule between that one and the second one. I peeked through the window.

Nurse Busty had been replaced by a woman who reminded me of Dolores Umbridge from the Harry Potter books: short, rotund, and toadlike. She didn't look like the type that would be of much help to me at all.

I sighed and considered my situation. My best bet, I realized, was going to be to get in there without her help if I could and claim I didn't know there was a cut off or that I'd left something important behind earlier.

I had to get in and see Nick. I had to know that he was alive. I couldn't handle not knowing. I know the mirage Nick had been driving me crazy, but not crazy enough that I'd rather he died.

I watched through the window until the nurse had gone into a patient's room with her blood pressure machine and a bag of fluid, then I creaked the door open and crept inside the forbidden territory. I moved quickly, trying to keep my shoes silent, and reached Nick's door with - amazingly - no sound.

I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, leaning against it in relief, my eyes closed as I sighed. "Oh thank God," I murmured.

"Kevin?"

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. My eyes snapped open. I looked first at the real Nick - but he hadn't moved. Mirage Nick was hovering in a corner in a ball, knees to his chest and a long frown on his face. He was staring up at me in disbelief. "What're you doing here?" he asked. He studied me a second, "You look.... like crap."

"I haven't slept," I said, "I drank a bottle of Scotch." I moved towards him and sat down on a plastic chair and pulled it closer to him, facing the wall he was leaning against. "Listen, Nick, I need to apologize for my big mouth," I said. "I- I've been really hard on you and - well, you've got enough hard stuff going on, you don't need me mouthing off, too." I stared into those ghostly blue eyes of his. "The truth is, you're one of my very best friends and I love you like a son." I gnawed my lip, "And I'd take you, like this, for the rest of my life if that were the only way I could keep you around."

Nick stared at me long and hard. "Damn it Kevin," he squeaked, "I can't even cry."

"Tomorrow I'll come in and sign the papers to keep them from being able to pull the plug," I added. I paused. "I don't want you to die, either Nick. We're gonna figure this out. We're gonna wake you up if I have to hold auditions with every woman in the world."

"Thank you," Nick gasped. He started to leap up and hug me, but stopped, realizing all he'd do is make me freeze half to death.

"Can we go home now?" I pleaded.

"I can't yet," Nick answered. "I - I don't dare to leave me alone with her."

"Her?" I asked.

"The nurse," Nick answered slowly. He frowned, "She's not a good person.

I looked at Nick's body, laying on the bed, in concern. "What'd she do?"

"She hates me," Nick whispered.

"I doubt it," I said. "Maybe she's just rough around the edges..."

"She'd pull my plug in a second," Nick argued. "She's really rough, she almost knocked over the IV earlier forcing the bag onto it, and she turned me and banged my head on the guard rail thing and instead of like apologizing she muttered something about me not feeling it anyway..." he paused, "And she was mean to Nurse Becky."

"Nurse Becky?" I asked.

Nick nodded, "The one you got stuck on the elevator with? She's okay to leave me with, but not this one. This one is like the dev--"

And suddenly the door opened, and there she stood... blinking at me as I sat in the corner, staring at Nick... Who she couldn't see. I must've looked like I needed a dunce cap on.

"What in the name of hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

Nick cringed.