I was sure that Nurse Toadstool was gonna get the straightjacket for Kev. The bitch had horrible timing...Kev and I were having a moment and she had to come in and ruin it.
"What are you doing?" she repeated.
"I was...I was praying," Kev said.
"Praying?" I asked. Kev ignored me.
"Praying?" the nurse asked.
"Yes," Kev said. His face hardened. "Last time I looked, a person was entitled to practice their own religious beliefs."
"What religion talks to walls?" I asked. Kev's eye began to twitch.
"Visitors aren't allowed right now," Nurse Toadtastic snapped.
"I'm--I'm sorry. I just felt--"
"I don't care. Please come back in the morning."
"You can't leave!" I cried. I didn't like the way she was looking at my body. I could just imagine her trying to do something gross like--
"I'd like to talk to your supervisor," Kevin said.
"Yeah, so would I!" I said.
Nurse Hatchett didn't even flinch. "I'm Head Nurse on call tonight."
"I don't believe her," I whispered.
"I know there's someone above you," Kev said.
"I think you were just praying to him," she said. I gasped. Kev looked like he was going to run at her like a bull, but before he could, she took off down the hall.
"SEE?!" I screeched. "She's gonna kill me! I want MY nurse!"
Kev sighed. "Nick, you get whatever nurse is on duty."
"But she's not a nurse...she's the devil!"
"You're right about that. God, I've never seen anyone that--"
I didn't get to find out what exactly he was gonna call Nurse Ribbit. He glanced down and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
"You can't have electronic devices turned on," I said. Kev gave me a look.
"What? I've been staring at the sign for hours!" I explained. I pointed at the little blue sign with white stamped writing. Kev rolled his eyes.
"It'll be our little secret, okay?" he said in his 'Mason daddy voice' again. I pouted. Kev looked at the display and smiled. I couldn't stay quiet. I just couldn't.
"What?"
"Kris is flying out," Kev said. He sounded totally excited. "Her mom's watching Mason. I've got to go pick her up at the airport--"
"No you don't," I said. "You can't leave me."
"Nick, I'm not leaving my wife at the airport," Kev said impatiently. There was a moment of silence while I continued to pout and Kev looked thoughtful.
"Don't you think you could come get me if you need help?" Kev asked.
"Come get you?" I repeated. "Don't you think it would be too late?"
"Nick, my rental isn't far from the hospital. Besides, Kristin will probably want to come see you."
That made me grin. "Hey Kev, wouldn't it be funny if she kissed me and I woke up? Oooh...that would be messy."
The look I got made me wish I was invisible.
"Keep dreaming," Kev said.
I held up my hands and floated backwards. "You will come back right away though, right?"
"Of course. By that time it should be visiting hours anyhow."
I glanced at my body. It wasn't like I was going anywhere unless I--
I didn't want to think about it.
"Okay," I said. I went back to my seat and hovered down over it. "I'll be here."
Kev took out his keys. He walked over to my body and squeezed my hand. It was a touching move, but it made me sad. Real sad."
"Hang in there, buddy," Kev whispered. His shoulders sagged as he turned and walked out. I covered my face.
I didn't have a good concept of time anymore, but it seemed like I sat there for a LONG time. So long in fact that the next voice I heard was Nurse Becky's. My head shot up.
"Thank God you're here," I said. I watched her walk to my bedside.
"Good Morning Nick," she said pleasantly. She lifted my head gently and fluffed up my pillow. "How was your night?"
I scowled. "Horrible."
She glanced at my bags. "Oh, you're hungry, aren't you?"
"Yes, please," I said. I hovered close to her. She patted my hand. "Be right back."
I smiled. I felt safe again. Safe enough in fact to go see if Kev was on his way.
I just didn't know how to do it.
"Um, to Kevin!" I shouted. I threw my arm in the air like Superman.
Nothing.
I sighed. I thought back to when I had appeared back in the hospital. I had just REALLY wanted to get away from Kev. I thought about Nurse Nightmare and closed my eyes. I remembered how she had hit my head on the guardrail...
When I opened my eyes, the room was closing in on me. Success! This time I wasn't so panicked. I let myself get boxed in and then slowly my new destination came into view.
My mouth fell open. I was back in Kevin's bedroom. So was Kev, but he wasn't alone. For a second, I was speechless. Kristin was one hot mama. She had an awesome body and it was currently bouncing up and down on--
"Need any pointers? I've got a book full," I said. I flipped upside down. Kev's eyes had been closed; he had been making a hilarious 'sex' face that I was so going to tease him for later. As soon as he heard my voice, his eyes practically bugged out of his head. He screamed. Kristin ended up on the floor.
And I saw something I never ever wanted to see - Kevin's johnson.
"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" I bellowed.
"I'M NOT TRYING TO!! OH GOD MY RETINAS!"
"GO THE FUCK AWAY!"
Kristin popped up over the side of the bed, "What the frickin' hell is wrong with you?!?"
"Not you," I yelled at her, "HIM!... HIM!" I waved my hand frantically at the ceiling, where Nick was writhing mid-air, clutching his eyes.
"Who?" Kristin demanded.
"MY POOR VIRGIN EYES!"
"NICK," I yelled.
Kristin's face went blank.
"MY FUCKING EYES HAVE BEEN EYE-RAPED!" Nick was wailing.
"If you weren't already half dead Carter, I'd kill you," I yelled.
"WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, KEVIN?" Kristin yelled.
I froze.
Nick froze.
I stared at Kris. Oh. My. God.
"Kevin?" she asked.
"Psstt," Nick hovered by my ear. "Cover your schlong will you?"
I grabbed a pillow and covered my groin. "She doesn't hafta cover those, though," Nick murmured, staring at Kris. I threw her a pillow too.
"Kevin, what in the name of San Jose is going on here?" Kristin asked, hugging the pillow to her chest. "What are you yelling about? Who are you yelling at? What about Nick?"
"He didn't want me seeing his peee-peeee," Nick sang out.
I wanted to choke him again. It didn't take long for me to want to kill Nick after our little make up session back at the hospital.
Kristin stared at me. "Kevin!" she snapped. A concerned look crossed her face.
"I... I just... I think I had... a uh... a dream."
"A dream?"
Nick giggled, "You realized if you had a dream it means that --"
"YOU FELL ASLEEP?!?" she cried, "DURING SEX?"
My face turned bright red.
"Yeah that," Nick hissed. He twirled away through the air and perched himself on the dresser like he was Peter Pan or something. He watched with a grin.
"I... uh.. I'm exhausted Kris," I mumbled.
Kristin stared at me. "Uh huh."
"I am."
"Dawg I need popcorn for this," Nick muttered. "If only I could eat." He pretended to throw his feet up and leaned back against the wall.
Kristin turned, her beautiful ass shaking as she stormed out of the room... "I'll be downstairs, Kev, so you can get some sleep."
"Kris, I--"
"Go to sleep." The door closed behind her.
I looked at Nick. "What?" I demanded.
He pouted. "You said you were coming back," he said.
"I was," I answered.
"No you weren't coming back just now, you were just plain co--"
"NICK!" I growled.
A slight smirk crossed his face. He hovered closer. "Kev," he said, "Are you sure we can't have Kris try wakin' me up? Cos those boobs of hers... RAWR. How the crap do you get anything done with them around?"
I stared at him. "Dude. Can we not talk about my wife's breasts please?"
Nick shrugged, "I'm just sayin' .. they fiiiine."
I could feel a migraine coming on.
"So how's your body?" I asked.
"Nurse Becky's back."
"Nurse Becky?"
"Busty?"
"Oh. Well then, your body's getting enough boobs for the both of ya'll, why the hell are you looking at my wife's?"
"It's not like I planned to see you having sex -- or your winky for that reason."
"My wi--" I stopped midword. I just couldn't. I stared at him. "You're something else," I muttered.
