Because those who mind don't matter
And those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Suess
Chapter 12
Chinese Food on the Living Room Carpet
Raine was sitting on the floor in the living room, her back against the front of the sofa, text books and notebooks strewn across the coffee table, a Chinese take-out box in her hand, chopsticks leveled over it. She looked up as Nick came in the door and kicked off his sneakers and hung up his jacket on the peg. He started to walk past the living room door, to the stairs, presumably to his room, so Raine took a deep breath.
"Yo, Nick," she shouted.
He stopped and backed up, craning his neck around the door frame. His eyes looked red. "Yeah?" he asked.
Raine held up the take-out box. "They sent way too much egg fo yong," she said, "Come save me from the MSG-massacure taking place." She waved an extra pair of chopsticks at him.
"I'm not hungry," Nick answered, shaking his head, "Thanks, though."
"There is always room for Chinese food dude," Raine answered, not taking no for an answer. "It's like the wonder food, the mystical disappearing dinner." She grinned.
Nick hesitated. He really wanted to be alone. It had been a hard day with Max. The couple had returned again to see Sam and Sam had, apparently, been making comments behind closed doors in the bedroom to Max about being wanted. Jake had told Nick as much, Max had been extra quiet, and Nick had felt thick and useless most of the day, struggling with how to make Max feel wanted, when Nick had never felt that way himself.
"C'mon," Raine said. She waved her hand over the open carton. "Smell the deliciousness... Mmm, come have some."
Nick couldn't help but smile at the way she was tempting him. Raine had a colorful way about her that he couldn't quite describe in words, other than to say that she was somehow magical the same way crayons were. In fact, he was pretty certain that if he were to pull her close and smell her that she would have that new crayon smell. He imagined her hair smelling like that moment when you crack open the 64-pack box and breathe deeply.
But Nick was way to shy to ever pull Raine close.
Nick stepped into the living room and Raine let out a squeal of excitement and dug through the bag at her side for the second egg fo yong container and gravy. She used her arm to clear away a portion of her textbooks and dropped the food onto the other side of the table. She'd ordered extra, really, in case he came home. Nick never seemed to eat, he reminded her of those birds at McDonalds that only eat the french fries that little kids spilled on the cement. He never sat down for an actual meal. The closest he came was when he made macaroni and cheese and stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, eating it out of the pan with a wooden spoon.
"Thanks," Nick said, opening the box and taking the extra pair of chopsticks she was shoving at him.
"Oh also, you got a call today from the William's House," Raine told him. "I wrote you a note about an appointment-interview they set up, it's on the whiteboard."
The whiteboard was really purple. It was a dry erase board magnetized to the fridge that Raine and Nick used to write down phone calls and stuff.
"Thanks," Nick answered. "Did you get the rent check? I left it on the whiteboard too."
"Yep, got it and paid it," Raine winked and closed her egg fo yong box, rooting around in the bag for the lo mein. She opened it, then tilted it to Nick, offering him some. He took a scoop with his chop sticks.
Raine and Nick chewed in silence for a couple of long moments. "So how's it going with that little boy?" Raine asked.
Nick stared down into the food container, studying its contents, moving it around with his chopsticks thoughtfully. He gnawed his lower lip. "One of the other kids at the home might have a family," Nick answered, "So Max is kind of upset."
"It's hard, when another person gets what you want so much," Raine said thoughtfully, her voice sad.
Nick looked up, "He's upset because he doesn't want a family."
"Doesn't want a family?" Raine asked with a laugh, "Of course he wants a family. What kid doesn't want a family?"
"I didn't," Nick's words slipped out before he could stop them and he quickly shoved a large pilel of lo mein into his mouth and started chewing frantically.
Raine's eyes were fixed on him. "Why?" she asked.
Nick held up a finger to indicate one moment and started chewing slower, trying to prolong the time. His mind raced, reaching for answers. He stared at Raine and felt a funny burning somewhere in his chest, and looked away. He swallowed and tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling.
"Nick?" Raine whispered.
He closed his eyes.
"I was afraid," he answered, "To have a family because I was afraid it would happen again."
"Being left, you mean?" Raine asked tentatively. She reached around the table and laid a hand on Nick's knee.
Nick looked into Raine's eyes.
It had never really occurred to her that Nick had once had a mother and a father. The one time he'd mentioned that he'd been raised in a group home by a woman named Mimi he'd made it sound like he'd been practically born there and had known no other lives before that. But looking into Nick's eyes, it became painfully obvious that this assumption was not true.
"What happened, Nick?" Raine asked quietly.
Putting down the take-out container, Nick stood up and started for the door. "I'm going to go to bed," he said quietly, and disappeared into the hall. Raine listened as his feet thundered up the stairs until the thumps had faded away down the hall to his bedroom on the far side of the upstairs area.
Only then did Raine remember to breathe again.
