that tells you it's going to be a butterfly."
- Richard Buckminster Fuller
Chapter 16
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
"I have a ridiculous idea," Nick announced, swinging into the kitchen, where Raine was still loading the dish washer. He grabbed a plate from her hand and put it on the table.
Raine picked it back up and turned to the dish washer with it. "What's that?" she asked.
Nick stepped between her and the kitchen sink. "Max," he said, "Is a caterpillar."
Raine blinked at Nick in confusion.
"All abused kids are caterpillars. They cocoon themselves up - in Max's case, literally, inside a box - but soon enough the time's gonna come and -pop!-" Nick waved his hands, "-he will be a butterfly."
Raine smiled. "You're confident."
"Max is an awesome kid," Nick answered, "When he comes out of that shell." He laughed, "I dunno why I didn't think of this before. It's so obvious. The box is like a growing device, it's an outward appearance of his internalized emotions, you know?" he shook his head, "It's Max processing the stuff he's feeling that he can't put labels on. When he's nervous, he goes in the box. It's so simple."
Raine laughed, "Simple? Nick, what if he never stops?"
"Eventually either the box is gonna fall apart or he's gonna grow too big to fit in it."
"You fit in it," Raine pointed out.
"Well it has to fall apart someday, it's biodegradable," Nick joked.
Raine rolled her eyes. "What if he just gets a bigger box?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you think Max is showing signs of Autism?" she asked.
Nick hesitated, "Well maybe a little from the outside, but I'm serious Raine, once you get inside this kid's head, he's smart and he's funny and he's --"
Raine had raised her eyebrow, "Nick, what if you're like the autistic kid whisperer? What if he's only opening up to you?"
"He's opened to other people," Nick answered, thinking of the day with the pirate ships in the boys bedroom at Mimi's. Max had talked a couple times to Jake that day.
"He didn't say a single word to me all night," Raine pointed out.
"He just met you," Nick argued. "You have to get to know Max."
Raine sighed, "Nick, what if that's not all it is?" she asked, "What if Max needs treatment? I mean I know you're trying here and you're really good at what you're doing, but what if Max needs more? You know?" she frowned.
Nick shook his head, "Max is fine, Ray." He pulled out a chair at one of the tables, "Max can grow up to be just fine if people will just give him the chance to process and to come out of this, you know?"
"But how do you know?" Raine demanded, "How do you know Max is gonna just snap out of this one day?"
"Because I did," Nick answered sharply, "When I was little and I was closing myself into the back of cupboards and closets and sleeping under the bed, I was scared and I was alone and I didn't trust anybody except Mimi. Mimi didn't judge me, she didn't make me talk, she just let me be quiet if I wanted to be quiet, she listened to my silence." Nick stood up again and paced the length of the kitchen, "Max needs that, and I'm being that for him. And just like me, just like I did, he can snap out of this. He can realize that it's over and nobody's going to hurt him anymore and he doesn't have to be perfect because when he messes up nobody's gonna strike him down for it." Nick spun on his heels, "He can realize he's normal, that he's a good kid and he can make it, that he is worth something."
Raine stared at Nick as the words poured out of him, feeling a bit shellshocked.
Nick turned and looked her square in the face. "He can learn that he is a butterfly, once he's gotten out of that cocoon."
Raine gnawed the inside of her cheek, and silence hung between them for a long moment. She stepped up to him where he'd stopped pacing, leaning against the counter opposite her, his hands on the counter's edge. Raine looked up into his face, at his brown hair and deep eyes as he stared down at her. She raised her hand and gently rested it on his cheek, dragging it across his skin softly until she was cupping his chin.
"Nick, you believe in the impossible," she whispered, "And that is what makes you amazing."
He felt his breath coming thicker and harder, and he raised his hand, resting it softly on her back. "You're a great friend," he said quietly.
Raine shook her head, "Shut up, Nick. I don't want to be your friend." The hand on his chin slipped backwards, behind his neck, to his hairline and she pulled him forward into a kiss.
