but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity."
- Hippocrates
Chapter 23
Withholding
"All he said was that it was extremely important that you meet with him," Raine said for about the fortieth time. She was Nick were sitting in her car in front of the Williams' House. Nick hadn't left the house since the day with Max at the hospital, and his eyes were red from lacko f sleep or tears or both. Raine studied him a moment as he hesitated. "Nick, don't let your father ruin your life again, when he's not even in it."
Nick nodded.
"Now go inside," Raine commanded in a bossy tone. "I'll be here."
Nick felt like his knees were gelatin, even more so than he had the first time he'd walked across the lot to the front door of the Williams' House. He stood in the doorway of Anne's office, hovering until she looked up. She smiled, "Mr. Williams is waiting for you," she said.
Nick's footsteps sounded like a horse traversing the hall as he made his way to Mr. Williams' office. He knocked on the door and Barry called out, "Come in, come in," and looked up from some paperwork as Nick stepped into the office. "Ah Nick," Barry said, smiling, "It's good to see you again." Nick sat and Barry pushed aside the paperwork he'd been fiddling with and settled his chin on his hand and studied Nick for a long moment. "Well then," he said slowly, "I heard about what happened when you brought Max to the hospital."
Nick had been hoping he wouldn't bring it up. "Yeah," he said, "What're the odds, right?" he forced a smile and looked at his hands, which he couldn't quite figure out how to hold.
Barry mused a moment quietly, then he murmured, "And how are you doing?"
"I feel bad that I reacted as I did," Nick admitted, "I wish I had let Max have his time, instead of freaking out like I did..." he twiddled his thumbs. "I just couldn't believe my eyes, you know, it's been seventeen years, and suddenly he's there right in front of me and I wasn't expecting it, I was expecting Max's father, and -- well, he is Max's father isn't he?" Nick breathed out a laugh through his nose and looked up at Barry. "I don't understand why nobody noticed."
"Max was born with his mother's last name," Barry explained.
Nick didn't know what to say.
After a long pause, Barry leaned back in his seat. "Nick, I'd like to offer you the internship here at the Williams' House..." Nick looked up from his hands, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but Barry held up his hand to stop him. "But..." he said.
Nick's eyes dropped to his hands again. He knew what was coming, knew what Barry was about to ask of him, and knew that he couldn't do it. He stared down.
"I need to know that you've truly dealt with and released your own past before I can trust putting the children's into your hands." Barry studied Nick for a long moment. "I believe," he said, "That it's time for you to forgive."
"But, sir -"
"Withholding forgiveness, Nick," Barry said slowly, "Does not hurt the person you keep it from... Only you."
Nick got out of his car in front of Mimi's house and paused at the end of the driveway, where a pile of trash stood. At the bottom of the pile lay the remains of the box. He looked at the house, his heart racing, and ran up the walk way. He didn't bother knocking or kicking his shoes off at the door. "Max?!" he called, his voice ringing through the house.
Mimi came out of the kitchen, a dish cloth in her hands. "Nick," she said, a wide smile crossing her face.
"Where's M--" but before Nick could even get his name off his tongue, there was a thump and Max was there, delivering a bone-crushing hug to Nick's waist. He squeezed him tightly. "Max!" Nick said in surprise, "You're not in your box."
"I broke it," Max said proudly, "I kicked and it smashed and I got out, like the hungry caterpillar!"
Nick knelt down so he was eye-level with Max. "That's awesome buddy," he said, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to see it."
Max smiled, "It's because of you I'm a butterfly now," he said, and he wrapped his arms around Nick's neck.
Nick closed his eyes and let Max hug him tight. He could feel some part of his heart exploding, sending strength through his whole body. He felt like he could stay right there, kneeling in Mimi's living room, holding and being held by Max forever. But he knew it had to end, and so, he whispered quietly into Max's ear, "Will you help me break my cocoon, too?"
