on the heel that has crushed it."
- Mark Twain
Chapter 24
Out of the Cocoon
"It's okay."
"I know."
"Here, let me hold your hand."
Max grabbed hold of Nick's hand and squeezed tight. They were in the hallway outside of '2831' again, in the pink and beige hall, and Nick was leaning against the wall, breathing deeply. He stared up at the ceiling.
"It's okay," Max repeated.
"I know," Nick said again.
Max's fingers twined through Nick's. "Do we need the explorer hats?" he asked.
Nick smirked, "I almost liked you better when you weren't talking, you know that?"
"Shhh," Max tugged Nick's arm. "C'mon." Nick took one last gasp of breath, as though he were about to go underwater, and followed Max around the corner and into room 2831.
The man looked up from the pillow he was laying against, just as he had last time. His eyes landed on Max first and his eyes crinkled sadly. He held out his hand to the little boy and whispered, "You came back." Max nodded and stepped up to the bed, letting Nick's hand fall to his side to grab onto his father's.
Nick glanced at the door. He wanted to leave. He wanted to run.
"Nick?" the man's voice was raspy and full of disbelief now.
Nick closed his eyes.
"Nick, is that you?" his voice climbed with hope.
Nick turned and looked at him. He was weak, older than Nick remembered him, with creases and lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth. He had facial hair now, which he hadn't had seventeen years ago, and he had the look of a man who had gained a lot of weight and now had lost it very quickly again. He'd always been very lean and muscular when Nick knew him, but drinking had changed him. Drinking, in fact, had effectively killed him. Or at least led him to the very door, hadn't it?
Nick licked his lips, "Yeah," he said quietly, "It's me."
The man's eyes filled with tears and Nick looked at his sneakers. "Come closer, please, let me look at you," he begged.
Nick hesitated. Some internal part of him was terrified to go closer, scared to let his father lay a hand on him, afraid that, though the man looked weak and seemed apologetic, that would change the moment he let his guard down, the moment he allowed himself to be vulnerable.
"C'mere Nick," Max said, motioning, too.
That part of Nick that wanted to run, the part that was terrified, wanted to pull Max away, to tell him to stop touching that man because he was not safe. But Max knew that just as well as Nick did. If not better. Mimi had been right, after all, they did have an awful lot in common, didn't they?
Slowly, Nick inched forward and stood beind Max. He rested a hand on Max's shoulder.
"How old are you now?" his father asked, staring up at him, clutching Max's little hand in his own.
Nick's voice was quiet, shaken, "Twenty-three."
"What do you do?"
"I'm graduating this week," Nick answered, "With a bachelor's degree in psychology. I'm going to be a child psychologist. I'm going to - to help children. Children who have been beaten by parents." He leveled his chin. "Like me." He slid his arm around Max, hugging the little boy to him, "And Max."
Their father's eyes filled with tears and he squeezed Max's hand tighter. "I am sorry," he whispered thickly, "To you both." His hand was shaking and Max raised his second hand, cupping his little hands around one one large, calloused one. "I made many mistakes in my life," he confessed, "But none that I regret more than hurting either of you."
Nick set his jaw. Emotion was rising up in his throat, burning at him, threatening to bring him down. "Why did it take you seventeen years and two lives to figure that out?" Nick demanded.
Their father held his second hand out to Nick. It was shaking in midair between them as he waited for Nick to grasp it, and when Nick didn't, he did not lower it, but continued waiting as he spoke, "There's no excuse for what I did," he said, "But please... please forgive me."
Nick stared at his hand.
And then he reached out and took it.
Both of them had remained silent as, with Max clinging to Nick's hand once more, they'd left 2831 and made their way back to the parking lot to Nick's car. They'd stayed silent most of the way back to Mimi's as well, and it was only when Nick had put the car into park out front by the curb of the street and they'd sat there, staring out at the lawn where they'd met the month before that either of them spoke.
"If he's both our dads...?" Max's question didn't really have an ending, it just hung in the air between them.
Nick gripped the steering wheel and took a deep breath. He unbuckled his safety belt and turned in the seat to look at Max. Max, whose unruly hair and bright eyes were so much like Nick's own that, now that he knew, he wondered why it had never occurred to him before Max was like looking at a photograph of himself seventeen years ago, come to life.
"We're brothers, Max," Nick said quietly, nodding.
Max stared at his sneakers.
Nick laid a hand on Max's knee. "You don't have to if you don't want to," he said quietly, "But... if you do want to... I talked to Raine, and..." he paused. "Max, if you want to, you can come live with me, and I'll be your family."
Max's eyes lifted to Nick's.
"I'll be your family either way," Nick said, "But if you wanna wait for a mom and a dad instead of just a goofy older brother brother, I understand ,and you can stay here with Mimi; you don't have to come with --" But before Nick could even finish uttering the words, Max had leaped across the console in between them and wrapped his arms around Nick.
