The Onions Are No Match For Nerf!
"Okay," I said, interrupting the bizarro world stare-down that was going on between them... "Now that ya'll have talked me into playing along with this 'Promised One' crap, can you at least give me the FYI on how to start on this supposed journey?"
Nick blinked and looked away first - AJ crowed and fist-pumped the air triumphantly. "Journey?" he asked, grinning, "Dawg - Steve Perry is the man!"
"No, no, no," I sighed as Nick started air-guitaring (which is a sight to see, by the way, even without the deliously stupid-looking costume he had on). "The journey, not Journey the band."
Nick's arms dropped to his sides quickly. "Oh, well that's totally different."
AJ quit celebrating his lameass victory over stupidity and turned to look at me. "It's easy enough to start," he said, "All you gotta do is get on the road and go."
I sucked a deep breath and prepared myself. "This wouldn't happen to be a yellow brick road, would it?" I asked, ready to smack whoever agreed first.
Nick snorted, "Fuck no, dawg," he laughed, "Dude, who the hell ever heard of yellow bricks?" he asked, rolling his eyes.
"Oh thank G--" I started, but then he continued...
"It's an orange brick road." He tilted his head in that way Nick does when he's saying something he thinks is obvious (and is usually a morsel of Nick-logic nobody understands), "Duh."
AJ nodded, "Follow the orange brick road."
"FOLLOW THE ORANGE BRICK ROAD!" cried out the seven Baylees.
"Oh for the love of God," I groaned. I covered my eyes. "Do I reaaaaally gotta stay asleep, Lord? Really? Haven't I suffered enough already?"
Nick grabbed my wrist, "Dawg, I'ma lead you on the way... you don't got nothin' to worry about. With my sword and my faithful steed..." he pointed at the stick horse he was clenching between his thighs, "We gonna have smooth sailing all the way. Even when the onions of the Queen figure out we're here."
"Onions?"
"For crying out loud, Carter, it's minions," snapped AJ, "For like the hundredth time, MINIONS."
"I like onions better," Nick replied.
"Who doesn't?" AJ asked, face sobering quickly, "Those minions, man, they're not the best... y'know?"
Nick withdrew his word.
It was made of Nerf.
"They're no match for me and my weapon of mass destruction!" he wailed out in a bellowing voice - that one that came from deep in his chest again.
"You brought the Nerf sword again?" AJ groaned.
"They took the metal one away," Nick answered. He cupped his mouth with his hand and leaned towards me to explain, "They said it was a hazard or some shit like that."
I had been thinking it, but I didn't say so.
"Are you ready, bro?" Nick asked, whipping his arm around my shoulder. The Nerf smacked my stomach. "Oh shit, sorry dude, I couldda killed you." He withdrew his arm and sheathed the sword.
I looked at AJ imploringly.
"Good luck, Promised One," he said with reverence. He bowed.
Oh. Good. God.
"Let's get this show on the road," I muttered, "The sooner we start, the sooner it'll be over..."
